Edifying Conversations that Strengthen Friendships

You can listen to this post on the Refresh Her podcast.

Two friends bump into each other at the grocery store and we hear them chat –

Friend One speaks – “How are you doing? I’ve been praying for you. The last time we met you were going through a hard time.  Are things better?”

Friend Two answers – “Oh, that was such a trial, let me tell you…(and she does).  Oh, and that reminds me to tell you about my Jason.  Did you hear he made the first string in basketball?  He scored more than anyone on the team. I don’t know what they’d do without him!  One of his games was unforgettable.  I have to tell you about it (and she does). Of course he gets his agility from his dad – he played in college you know.  That’s how we met – he played, and I cheered!  We had some fun times, let me tell you (and she does).  Goodness sakes, we’ve been yakking a half an hour!  I’ve got to get my groceries and get home.  It was great getting caught up on you! Take care!”

These ladies demonstrate perfectly a statement I read recently.  “There are two kinds of people – there’s one that walks into a room, sees someone and says, “There you are!” and the other that walks in and says, “Here I am!” 

Friend One looks to be a blessing by caring, listening, and encouraging. She uses second and third person pronouns – you, they, she, he.  She asks questions. 

The second friend puts all the emphasis on herself.  She uses lots of personal pronouns – I, we, us, and me.  She does most of the talking and it comes in the form of stories, information, or history.  She can keep a one-sided conversation going.  When she does give the other person a chance to say something, she’s thinking about the next thing she’s going to say and doesn’t really listen when others are speaking.

We’ve all probably been both of these people at one time or another, but which one do we imitate most?  Proverbs 29:11 – In the multitude of words, there wanteth not sin, but he that refrains his lips is wise.  Provers 17:27, 28 – He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit.  Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.  These verses remind us that if we want people to know how much we know, we won’t say a lot!  Wow! 

I have many friends like Friend One, and I am challenged by their lives, but the greatest example is Christ.  He was always on the lookout for others.  He cared.  He touched.  He loved. He asked questions.  He listened.  “There you are!” he said to Matthew, Zaachaeus, the Samaritan woman, Bartimaeus, and also to you and me!  What a wonderful Savior.  What a wonderful Friend.

How can we imitate Christ’s example and have edifying conversations with others? Here are four things that we see Christ doing when He spoke to others.

1. Stop what you are doing. Give the other person all your attention. Set aside your phone. Don’t be distracted by other things going on around you.
2. Bring the other person close, physically, but also emotionally. By your actions you should be saying, “There you are!” I wrote, “There you are” on my bathroom mirror and on my kitchen sign to help me change my focus from myself to others.  It’s only then that I will look like Christ!
3. Ask questions. Inquire about them.
   Romans 12:15 – Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those that weep. What does that look like?
   Let it be their special day. Don’t detract with “my “story.” Don’t draw away from them and their accomplishments. Show interest in them. Your joy is my joy!
4. Meet any need of theirs that you can. Offer physical help. Give to a material or financial need.
   Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:1

Let’s seek to edify others by our conversation by making it about them, rather than ourselves.

By the way, I really am grateful that you stopped by here to read this simple blog today!  Can I pray for you?  Leave your requests here and I’ll add them to my journal.

Refresh your friends with edifying conversations.