“Dealing with my husband is making me so angry. He won’t listen or talk. He’s just impossible to live with!”
“My boss is frustrating me in my job – she’s always changing her mind.”
“Trying to deal with my stubborn child is a huge disappointment. After all my training, he’s still going his own way.”
There are a host of emotions that can be involved when dealing with a foolish person. If anyone could have felt angry, frustrated or disappointed, I expect Abigail would have had a right to, but we don’t see those emotions displayed as we continue hers’ and Nabal’s story in I Samuel 25:1-3.
We are now introduced to Nabal, who is described in this passage as a wealthy man, owning 3,000 sheep and 1,000 goats. In that culture he was considered rich with these possessions. We also meet his wife, Abigail who is described as “a woman of good understanding and a beautiful countenance.
We’ve already learned that Nabal’s name means fool and he lived up to his name and all the attributes of a foolish individual. How could a person call Abigail a woman of understanding if she married this kind of man?
In the culture in which Abigail was living it was a common practice to have your daughter’s marriage arranged. I read a story recently about a mother and father that accompanied their son and his fiancee to meet with the pastor to sign some pre-wedding ceremony papers. While filling out the forms, the son read aloud a few questions. When he got to the last one, which read, “Are you entering this marriage at your own will?” he looked over at his fiancee. “Put down ‘Yes,’” she said. =) Hmmm, maybe this was a pre-arranged wedding too! It was likely that Abigail didn’t have a say in her marriage– just like the humorous story of the young man and his fiancee, Abigail was probably being forced to marry Nabal. Her father put this together, probably thinking he was doing Abigail a favor marrying her into this rich man’s family. A rich man and a beautiful woman may sound like a wonderful combination, but these are only external qualities, and what is needed most in each of our lives is godly character. The difference in these two individuals’ character is extreme. They are complete opposites.
Whether you’re looking for a mate or encouraging a young person about dating someone, can I urge you to consider godly character traits rather than externals? We focus so much on the outside, but God puts a preeminence on what’s in a person’s heart. ( I Samuel 16:7) Your reputation is what others know you to be – your character is what God knows you to be. What kind of character traits should you be looking for, and what kind of traits should each of us be developing in our own lives? How about:
- Attentiveness
- Compassion
- Diligence
- Forgiveness
- Godliness
- Love
- Promptness
- Submission
- Truthfulness
- Wisdom
…to name a few. These traits were sadly missing in Nabal’s life!
A couple applications we can make to our own lives at the onset of the story:
1. The fact that you’re godly doesn’t automatically guarantee that those around you will be godly. I Peter 3 tells us that we can be a powerful influence on others, but there is no guarantee that our godly behavior will cause them to change – they may never change, just as we see in Nabal’s life.
2. You don’t have to let a harsh badly behaved man turn you into a harsh badly behaved woman. Because someone in your life is ungodly doesn’t mean you can’t be godly. We tend to think that our behavior is linked to someone else’s. “I could be a godly wife if only my husband would be a godly husband.” “If my child didn’t push me to the edge I wouldn’t lash out like this!” “My in-laws just know which buttons to push to upset me; I can’t help it!” The fact is, no one can make us behave in an ungodly way. Your responses don’t have to be controlled by others.
Let’s break down the principle even more and say, you don’t have to let a harsh, badly behaved toddler turn you into a harsh badly behaved woman. A harsh, badly behaved teenager, a harsh badly behaved boss, neighbor or in-law shouldn’t turn you into a Nabal-ish woman either!
It’s obvious that Abigail didn’t let Nabal destroy her. She was still a gracious, wise, discerning woman. She kept hold of the promises of God, even though she lived with a fool.
Remember that a fool is not someone who is mentally deficient, but morally deficient. This is the person that has no heart for God and acts as though there is no God. He has no regard for spiritual things, and as a result he acts foolishly. He acts this way because that is what is in his heart.
What’s in your heart? Are you acting wisely or do you see some of Nabal’s foolishness in your own life? If we’re honest, we’d all have to admit that we act foolishly at times. We are all born fools – all going our own way, and were it not for the grace of God we would continue to act as foolishly. If there is anything good in us it is only because He has given us a heart transplant. Oh, may we be more wise than foolish and more like our God than like Nabal!
Lesson #2 will continue on Friday’s posting.
RefreshHer 