Don’t Let the Marriage Well Go Dry, Part 2

You can listen to this post on the Refresh Her podcast.

I remember watching the sweetest couple get married.  It was precious to observe.  I saw heads bowed together, hands clasped, endearing looks and tears at the vows shared.  One word you couldn’t use to describe the wedding would be dry.  No way!  It was flowing with love!

No one gets engaged with the thought, “I wonder if my wedding day will be dry and boring?”  But how many couples end up eventually looking at one another and sensing a dryness?  Too many.  Sometimes it comes in spells.  Sadly sometimes it settles in and gets ignored and lasts for the rest of their years.

But I have good news!   It doesn’t have to be that way!  Proverbs 5:15 says,

Drink waters out of thine own cistern,
and running waters out of thine own well.

Last week I shared two ways we can keep the well water of our marriage flowing. I used the analogy of detecting that a physical well is drying up.  We considered…

• The taste of the water has changed. – We need to treasure our mate like when we were first married.
• The water is murky instead of clear. – We need to address sin in our own heart so we can be what we should to our mate.

Here are two more ways we see a dryness in a physical well and also in our marriage:

• The pump on the well is turning on and off more frequently. There isn’t a steady outpouring of love and commitment – it’s on and off.
• The faucet is sputtering. Communication is lacking

The cure…

1. Plan regular times to be together.  Just like in your dating years, you have to plan time to pour into your marriage.  Every season of marriage makes this challenging, which is another reason it must be thought about and planned for!  It will never just happen.  We need to plan time for:
   1. Dates – Even things you can do at home.  Special mealtime, dessert, game, or a stroll. Think about double dating with another older couple who has a terrific marriage that you could learn from!
   2. Fun – Life has lots of serious moments.  What fun thing could you do this week?  A project? (Or spend time dreaming together about something you’d love to change in your house.) A special splurge of coffee at a new coffee house? Watch a movie outside on a warm evening? A fire in your fire pit after the children are in bed?
   3. Serving – Serving together at church is a great way to have time together and also serve the Lord as a couple. You can also serve your neighbors, your friends or church members together in creative ways.
2. Communicate –
   1. Regular communication times – Plan time to speak with one another about things that are deeper than the need for milk! Perhaps after supper while the children play for 15 minutes or you sit at the table together.  Think about things you need to ask and share.
   2. Conflict times – If there’s something between you, don’t leave it hidden away.  Pray about it and then discuss it lovingly when the time is right. It’s cruel to have a grievance and just lock it away either hoping your husband will figure it out or that he’ll eventually ask you about it.  Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. Colossians 3:13
   3. Fun times – It is interesting to note married couples sitting together at a restaurant and not speaking more than a couple sentences to one another the whole time they’re having their meal. It’s really sad!  I know there could be reasons like illness or being hard of hearing even, but even at those times, you can communicate with touch. Hold hands across the table at a restaurant. Put your arm through your husband’s as you walk. Cheer him with your communication.  A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance. Prov 15:13
   4. Encouraging times. Pour encouragement into your spouse.  Heaviness in the heart of man makes it stoop, but a good word makes it glad.  Proverbs 12:25
      What can you talk about?
      1. I love going to Pinterest and pulling up lists of questions to ask your spouse.  Just when you thought you knew everything about your husband, one of those questions brings up a whole new topic for discussion!
         One Mother’s Day my husband took me out for a picnic lunch.  As we sat and enjoyed our meal, he began to ask me questions –
         What are the five greatest blessings of being a mom?
         What are five things you remember most about your mom?
         Then I asked him to answer the same questions.  It was a precious time communicating and sharing our hearts, and see how simple he made it?!
      2. Ask how you can pray for him.
      3. Reminisce about your early days of dating and marriage.
      4. Ask him questions about his growing up years.
      5. Talk about what you both read in Scripture or about a message your pastor just preached.  Ask your husband questions that those passages may have raised in your mind.  (This is giving him the blessing of being your spiritual leader!)

Let’s turn that faucet on (spend time together) and stop our sputtering (intermittent talk!).  These two considerations will help keep your marriage well full of pure, inviting water!  It will be a marriage that will bring as much delight as in the early years…and maybe even more!

Time and Talk will help keep your marriage well refreshed! Don’t neglect either one.