My Own Denial of Christ

It was early morning, and I had just finished having a sweet time listening to Scripture on my phone as I prepared for the day.  What a blessing to hear Christ explain to His disciples in Matthew 26 what was going to happen to Him in the near future. I listened to the Scripture telling about when Peter cut off the servant’s ear.  Jesus told Peter to put away his sword, that He was laying down His life willingly. I listened as Jesus said that Peter would deny Him.  In my heart I wondered how he could do that after being with Christ.  I mean, didn’t Peter know he was sinning against the One who was getting ready to die for him?

Statue of Peter’s denial of Christ

I slipped out of my room, a song of thankfulness in my heart for all Christ did for me in those agonizing hours on the cross.  Now down at the lovely breakfast the hotel provided, I was carrying my plate to my seat, when I bumped into someone I hadn’t seen in a long time.  I held my breath as I approached her, smiling.  I said hello, then held my breath as she, consistent to every time we meet, made a stinging remark to me about my stature.  I muttered a negative remark about myself (not sure why I feel obligated to add misery to misery), then found my way to my breakfast table.  Now I had two meals to eat – my breakfast, and her! 

“Why does she always feel she has the right to make disparaging remarks about my size?”  Then in my mind I thought of all the smart remarks I could have said, should have said, and might say the next time we meet.  I even felt justified in my thinking!

Breakfast being finished, I returned to my room and its quietness, except for the voice that was whispering in my heart.  It was the Spirit of God, showing me how that, like Peter,  I, too, had just wielded the sword.  It was His voice also reminding me of Peter’s denial, and of my own.  Yes, my sinful thoughts, though unspoken, had dealt a fierce blow.  They had also denied Christ.  “I don’t know Him!  I don’t know the One who designed me!  I don’t know the One who is my Justifier, my Defender, my Father, who knows when I’ve been hurt!  I have to take care of this myself.” Wham!  In simply thinking the thoughts towards the offending lady, I was denying my Savior Who died for her…Who died for me.

Bowing on my knees at the desk chair, I was able to confess my sin.  I cried out for God to set a watch before my lips and keep the door of my mouth (Psalm 141:3).  I prayed for her, my sister in Christ…something I don’t think I’d done in the previous times we’d met and exchanged words.  I prayed that the Lord would keep my tongue and my thoughts from sinning against Him and also denying Him.  I must learn to put the sword back in its place…and also my wicked thoughts.

Thankful for Calvary’s love,

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