Handling Conflicts in Marriage

No matter how good any marriage looks, it is not perfect! Every relationship has struggles because it involves two sinners! My husband and I have a great marriage most of the time, but to be honest, there have been plenty of situations that have caused a struggle between us.

How is a couple supposed to lovingly discuss these “tug-of-war” situations?

In the heat of the strife, it’s difficult to hear one another out and be willing to change. Aside from brushing it under the rug (not the right response), how can the topic that caused the problem get settled?

• Resolve not to argue. Arguments include wrong responses. Voices are raised. One talks over the other one. Tempers flare. Someone stomps away in anger. Colossians 3:8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.
• Humble yourself. If one person stops talking, the arguing will stop. Don’t demand to get your position spoken. Stop yourself. Let the Lord bring vengeance, if it is needed. I’m reminded how God took care of David’s adversary, Saul. He had the chance to take action, but he put himself in a place of humility instead. This is taking the high road. Colossians 3:12  Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
• Ask if you can hold hands and pray together. This might not be accepted readily, but when you bring the Lord in on the situation, you get what He can give. Peace. Answers. Love. Colossians 3:17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.
• You keep the matter in prayer and pray for your own heart.

Okay, so things are quiet and there’s no arguing, but the matter still isn’t resolved. For right now,

Let it go.

Wait. Pray. Then at a later time when God gives you clearance and things are calm and quiet and you’re not dealing with that issue at the moment, lovingly bring up the matter.

Honey, I need to talk to you about an issue that keeps coming between us. I’m not upset, and I’m coming to you with a loving spirit. Things are good right now, but I don’t want it to spring up again and cause a problem in the future. Do you mind if we talk about how we can handle it the next time so that the Lord will be honored?

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. As you share with your husband, don’t accuse, ask questions. Seek his wisdom. Listen. Be still. It’s not about us getting our way, but the Lord having His way.

I did this recently with Dale, and he was so gracious. He listened to me as I shared my heart. I’m sure that our issue could come up again, but it will be easier to handle because ~

1. We were able to handle it in loving manner and in a more Christlike way.
2. We actually dealt with the problem, rather than brushing it off.

I encourage you to apply these principles to your relationship. If nothing else is accomplished, it will honor God. You will be putting the Gospel on display and your own heart can be at rest. Let’s allow conflicts to be dealt with so that Christ is exalted. Then enjoy the peace!