Entice Your Husband with Fair Speech

You can this listen to this post – which is last week’s episode on Refresh Her podcast.

When I was in elementary school, I had a fascination with matches and fire. That led me to doing a very foolish act one day. I struck the match that I had been forbidden to touch and lit one strand of a pom pom that I had in my bedroom, thinking it would slowly burn up that strand of crepe paper!

But you guessed it – that fire shot up that paper and quickly engulfed the entire pom pom! It seemed I was looking at an inferno! God miraculously allowed me to get that flame extinguished before it did any other damage to me or our house, but that picture was burned into my memory forever (pun intended!). When I read James 3:6-8 it says

 The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of ^[b]nature; and it is set on fire by ^[c]hell. ⁷ For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. ⁸ But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.

We learn that one word can cause a roaring fire that cannot be quenched! As we read Proverbs 7, we hear her using words to draw a man into an adulterous relationship. It isn’t her looks that draws the man – it’s her words. She says,

So I came out to meet you,
Diligently to seek your face,
And I have found you.

She’s making him feel special. She tells him she’s been looking for him. She’s building up his ego, which is a need in every man’s life. A man desires to be admired and sought after. She’s capturing his heart and she’s aware of what she is doing.

She may be saying things like, “I hope your wife knows how lucky she is to have a man like you!” These kind of words should only be used to our husband. So we need to take a lesson from this improper woman of what how we should be talking to the man we married.

I remember one day while my husband and I were eating dinner and a criticism of his manners came to my mind. It’s so ridiculous when I think about it today because Dale is a gracious man with good manners. I was being foolish and petty. Then just before I spoke the words that I was thinking, the Spirit of God spoke to my heart and said, “How will this sound to him?” I realized it would sound like I was scolding him! How thankful I was for the Holy Spirit reigning my heart in.

How many times I have said exactly what I was thinking! Just as quickly as I burned up that pom pom as a child, my words have the ability to destroy my husband, rather than build him up.

When we listen to the Strange Woman we hear that she wasn’t criticizing, scolding or belittling; she was using “fair speech!” This was the kind of talk this man was longing to hear!

What would that sound like in our marriage? We can tell him…

• We were looking for him! Greet him when he comes home!
• We are glad to see him! Tell him you missed him while you were apart!
• We care about him! Ask him questions and listen to his heart.

If we think we’ve been married too long to respond in such a way, we’re saying we don’t care if our marriage fails to be all that God intended. Why would we want to miss out on the blessing God intended it to be?

Pray and ask the Lord what kind of “fair speech” you need to add to the words you say to your husband this week and keep the inferno from destroying your relationship.