Biblical Womanhood · Discipleship · Mentoring

The Final Chapter In Mentoring – How & Why

Final chapter of Adorned

Do any of these describe you?

  • A young mom fought for control of her children. Not knowing how to make them obey, she promised rewards, and also threatened they’d lose everything they owned. The children won; the mom was disheartened and worn down.
  • A husband and wife are on two separate pages. He does his thing, she does hers. The co-exist under one roof.
  • Self-control is on the back burner. Whatever she wants, she has, not even thinking of the long-term personal cost.
  • Depression is a way of life for her. She doesn’t even know how she’ll put her feet on the floor tomorrow.

On and on the scenarios go. It seems that every single day I’m reminded of the reasons behind books like, Adorned. Many times I’ve been one of the women I described above. But how I thank the Lord for the Gospel – the fact that Jesus Christ lived, died and rose again to give me eternal life and also abundant life in this present time. My life can have purpose, my marriage and parenting can gain direction. I am able to have wisdom to move forward and strength to overcome sin. That’s the story of the Gospel and the message behind Adorned that we’ve been studying for the last 15 weeks.

Who do you know that needs the truths we’ve talked about? Once we know these truths, we are responsible to share them with another woman so she can walk in growth and victory.

Titus 2:5

That they (the older women) may teach the young women…

Women need women to help them.

What’s the benefit?

  • Informally teaching these lessons can make an older woman realize she has purpose.  She won’t be lonely as she pours into younger women. She will look for ways to reach out. Even if you can’t leave home, you can call, Facetime, or chat with Facebook video.
  • Younger women won’t feel desperate as a single woman or wife.
  • Young moms won’t feel isolated or at a loss for what to do.
  • Women will be filling the need for relationships and conversation.

What to do to get started:

  1. Get a copy of Adorned and read it through.  Mark it up.  
  2. Keep growing in God’s Word yourself.
  3. Ask for the Lord to bring someone into your life – young or old.
  4. Read separately, then get together and discuss it.  
    ~What questions came to your mind while reading?
    ~How can I pray for you regarding this topic (loving your husband, submission, or kindness?)
  5. Pray together.
  6. Be available.

Or you could listen to the broadcasts that I’ve recorded that highlight each chapter of the book, Adorned.  Listen and then discuss the lesson together.  Stop it and talk.  Share from your own life experiences. Pray together.

Another idea is to do a version of Apples of Gold. I’ve shared lots of post about this ministry. You can search Apples of Gold in the search engine here on my blog and find LOTS of ideas.

The point is, there is no cookie cutter way to invest in another woman.  Pray and then allow the Lord to direct you.  Be watchful and open.  Then live out this passage of Scripture and be used of God to Adorn the Gospel – show the new life you have in Christ because He died and rose again!  Show the purpose you have as a godly woman whose life has been changed by the Gospel!

I’d love to know – are you currently mentoring another woman? If not, what’s holding you back? If you are, I’d love to hear how it’s going!

Refresh someone else by mentoring them!

Biblical Womanhood · Discipleship · Mentoring

This Changes Everything

Adorned #14

I don’t know if your mother had a saying that you remember, but my mom used to tell me and my sisters to “Act pretty.”  It has nothing to do with outward appearance, She was telling us to be kind.  We all have to be reminded of that…even in our adult years!

Paul tells us in Titus 2, Older women are to teach what is good, and to train the young women to  love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, and kind.

Why does he have to remind us of this?  Because it’s so easy for us to DO all the things we should be doing, but with the wrong attitude.  We can do the laundry, cook a meal and make the house spotless, but be huffing and puffing a bad attitude while doing so. (I’m So guilty!)

In her book, Adorned, Nancy paints the picture of Mary and Martha in Luke 10.  She reminds us that we  are sometimes “distracted with much serving, worried and bothered about so many things.”  We become stretched thin and stirred up, bothered and brittle.

On this occasion, Jesus and his followers gathered at the home of Mary and Martha and Lazarus.  There could’ve been two or three dozen people! Martha, with her take-charge temperament, moved into hostess mode for this impromptu gathering.  

I imagine that she is excited to see Jesus and others there in her home, thankful for the joy of hosting her friend here where she lived with her sister Mary and brother, Lazarus.  Martha began to clean and cook and make sure everyone was properly served and comfortable while Mary chose to sit at Jesus’ feet and listen to Him teach.  Can you just imagine the thoughts that were running through Martha’s mind when she spots her sister sitting while she’s working?

Nancy reminds us that her thoughts included popular sins we all deal with:

Self-centeredness – Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone?  Tell her to to help me. Notice the words pointing to herself.

Insensitivity – People had gathered around to listen to Jesus teach.  But that didn’t keep Martha from barging in, interrupting Him, disturbing everyone.  She was more concerned with how she was being inconvenienced.   

Accusation –  Asking if someone would give her a hand would have been  an understandable request.  But her words were accusatory – both towards Jesus and Mary.

Resentment –  Can you just hear her in the kitchen loudly and purposefully banging the pans around in her disgust? Her inner martyr had likely been muttering under her breath for a while now.  What tone does she use?  Is she whiney, loud and unkind?  Probably so.

Serving was no longer her joy and privilege – it was a burden.  

It’s so easy to get to this place where Martha is.  It’s easy to feel that we have a heavier load and then to feel resentment towards the ones we are serving.  But when we feel this way, we must stop and ask ourselves the question we have been pondering in this passage – Is my thinking sophron right now?  Am I thinking sound, biblical thoughts?  Realizing that we are serving and doing what we are doing for the Lord can bring our thoughts back to solid ground.Our thinking will change our attitude and our attitude will show in our changed actions.  Out will flow acts of kindness rather than resentment.

After we’ve discussed subjects that are weighty like sophron thinking and being sober and reverent, isn’t it a little trite to end by talking about being kind?  Hardly. Why? Because women set the tone of the home. We’ve heard the saying, If momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy. There is much truth to that!   

Kindness begins at home! Our family should get the first of our efforts and energies.  The baked bread, the home cooked meal, the kind gestures that we fuss over for our guests.  Let it be done FIRST for our family. 

We must remember that we first learned kindness from our Savior. 

Titus 3 For we ourselves also were sometimes foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another.

4 But after the kindness and love of God our Savior toward man appeared, He saved us not by works of righteousness which we had done, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration, and by the renewing of the Holy Ghost,

Kindness is at the end of the list of traits in Titus 2. It’s a fitting ending, reminding us that all that comes before it must be done wrapped in the beauty of kindness, the type Jesus has towards us every day. Having a kind attitude truly does change the atmosphere. Even if you have to do something hard, like rebuke a child, entertain guests when you feel ill prepared, or have a conversation on the phone with a needy person, if we ask the Lord to give us His kindness, the situation will be far more pleasant for our own heart, as well as the one we are encountering!

Look back over the last couple of days and ask the Lord if your attitude has portrayed kindness or resentment. The blessing is that even if we’re convicted of wrong motives, the kindness of our Savior forgives us when we confess!

Refresh your attitude of service to one of kindness.

Discipleship · Marriage · Mentoring

An Unexpected Blessing

Adorned lesson #12

We had just left a social gathering and were driving home when my husband said to me, “So many women will not let their husband lead.” He didn’t mention what/who he was referencing, but just the observation he had made while we were at this gathering of people.

I let my mind think back to our recent gathering and
I heard a wife answering for her husband. 
I heard another one talking over top of her man. 
Was it that the men didn’t know what to say, or was it that he wasn’t given the chance to say it?  I’m pretty sure the latter is the answer.

I know how easy it is to do both of those things! If I don’t use the brakes of self control! What is required in these situations is a word that causes most women great distress. The word is submission. The definition of this word that I love is, To lean your husband’s direction. But what does God’s Word say about this word?

Titus 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Nancy Wolgemuth says,

To our finite, fallen minds, the whole idea sound unfair, even preposterous.  The wisdom of God, however, is infinitely higher than human wisdom. If we only could grasp His eternal purposes, we would be enthralled with the perfection and splendor of His ways. So when it comes to this topic, we need to earnestly seek His wisdom rather than relying on our own limited, flawed perspectives.

Let me briefly share seven things that submission is not…

  1. A wife’s submission to her husband is not submission to men in general.
  2. Submission does not subject a wife to a life of forced compliance.
  3. Submission does not amount to slavish, subservience. 
  4. Submission does not minimize a wife into mindlessness.
  5. Submission does not mean the husband is always right.
  6. Submission never requires a wife to follow her husband into sin.
  7. Submission never gives a husband license to abuse his wife.

Look at the beauty in true, biblical submission:

When a woman denies the natural urge to resent her husband or retaliate against him, when she runs to the cross instead of running her mouth, when she maintains a gentle and quiet spirit and steadfastly hopes in God, regardless of her husband’s behavior – that is no spineless, mousy, whimpering puddle of dominated femininity.  That is a woman of power. ~Nancy

Are you a Woman of that kind of power? Remember that our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ submitted to the will of His Father, so when we submit to our husband, we are adorning the beauty of the Gospel. It was a love so great that Jesus was willing to lay down His own life to obey the will of the Father.

Wives, when we submit in this way, our homes will operate the way God planned. That means there is only one head, instead of a two-headed monster. Then the unexpected blessing is that we portray Calvary love!

Is it easy? No because we have an old sin nature. Then how can we do this?
In the power of the Holy Spirit. Yield to Him. Give the Lord the grievance or disagreement in your heart towards your husband. Let the Lord deal with him. You just love him. How will you show your love?

By submitting. Then watch the unexpected blessing that will come!

What is your question regarding submission? Leave them here, please!

Here’s another perspective on submission. If your marriage seems hopeless, I pray this post will encourage you.