Seven Ways to Handle Difficulty in Marriage

January 17, 2013April 10, 2016 RefreshHer2 Comments

On Tuesday I told you I’d share 5 ways to handle difficulty. I added a couple, making it seven. I pray this encourages your heart as God encouraged mine with these truths very recently.

If there was any example in Scripture of a difficult marriage, we find it in the story of Nabal and Abigail in I Samuel 25. We learn that Abigail is a beautiful, godly woman who is married to a fool. In short what happens is that David wants to pass through Nabal’s land and also asks Nabal to feed his hungry men who had been kind to his shepherds. Nabal’s refusal infuriates David. Nabal’s household are all on David’s warpath until a servant runs to inform Abigail so she can intervene for her foolish husband. She’s probably done this many times before. She hurries to send a gracious and generous gift to David, then rides a donkey and greets him herself. She bowed herself to the ground, showing honor for the king he would soon become. She spoke of God’s sovereign plan for David and reminds him that the Lord will take care of his enemies. David’s anger is pacified, and God ends up taking Nabal’s life just a few short days later. Guess who David chose to be his next wife? Abigail!

As I read this story recently, I thought about how Abigail’s response in difficulty caused this man after God’s heart to desire her as a wife. I can’t say that the way I handle trials in our home always makes my husband glad he’s married to me! But I’ve taken notes about what she did so I can handle things better in the future.

Here’s how you and I can handle difficulty in marriage as exampled by Abigail – Let’s start with her response then we’ll make the application:

Abigail acted immediately.
Abigail took a gift.
She chose the best time to speak with Nabal.
Abigail spoke words of respect – “my lord.”
Abigail humbled herself and took the blame for Nabal’s foolish actions, though she was clearly not at fault.
Abigail reminded David of God’s character and care for him – she knew God’s Word.
Abigail didn’t attack David.

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Don’t shove trouble under the rug hoping it will get better tomorrow – it must be dealt with.
Be generous. Give a gift in love to pacify anger. Proverbs 21:4
Use the HALT principle. If you or your husband are hungry, angry, lonely or tired, wait a while to speak.
Words said in respect will gain you your husband’s ear AND his heart.
Humble yourself and be willing to shoulder the blame. (Ouch, this one is hard!)
Be in the Word and fill your heart with it! Speak God’s Words to your husband and bring in Truth.
Attack the problem, not the person.

Do these principles make sense to you? How do you think it would change a stressful situation?

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A Peek Inside the Parsonage

January 16, 2013April 10, 2016 RefreshHerLeave a comment

One place I’m constantly changing is the shelf in my kitchen. It’s my “mantle” if you will. Here it is dressed patriotically. Here is was ready for spring.

Here’s how it looked until last week…

Time to take the snowmen down!

After 70 degree weather this past weekend,

I’m not hoping for more snow,

so the “Let is Snow” sign must come down, too!

Here’s the revised kitchen shelf…

Not a ton of change, but enough that it doesn’t look so “wintery.”

I love this Longaberger basket a friend gave me. It’s my bread basket.

Hanging it here keeps it in easy reach.

It’s still a work in progress – isn’t any house?

Hmmm, reminds me of you and me. Every day the Lord is desiring to change us, to remove the “old” self and freshen us up. Don’t you just know when things in your heart aren’t quite right? Sin needs to be (dismantled) confessed, and the New Man needs to be displayed instead. Just like my shelf is still my white shelf, I’m still me, the one Christ saved, but I should be looking different this year than I did last year, even different from last season or yesterday! Maturity should be evidenced. Growth must be recognizable. Change should be witnessed by those whom my life touches.

How is your shelf looking? How are you looking? Maybe it’s time for some adjustments in both areas. Change in the shelf is a touch or two away. Change in you…well, it’s just a prayer away.

From the parsonage windows,

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Popcorn Marriage

January 15, 2013April 10, 2016 RefreshHer2 Comments

Last night I put popcorn kernels into a Pyrex bowl, added a couple tablespoons of margarine and secured the glass lid on top. After pressing 5 minutes on my microwave, I stooped over, arms resting on the counter to watch the magic happen in the bowl. It only took a couple of minutes until the kernels began dancing around on their glass stage. A couple more minutes and the bowl had kernels pushing and shoving one another like the crowd on New Years Eve in front of the Big Apple. Soon, the lid was lifting from the pressure and heat. I removed the popcorn before it spilled over, though some kernels remained unpopped. The popcorn was ready. Salt was added. Popcorn enjoyed.

As I sat eating my favorite snack, I thought how the heat, the popcorn, and the lid lifting on the bowl pictures what often happens in marriage when things get stressful. The lid can blow off a home in just a short amount of time.

“Our marriage almost didn’t survive this difficulty.”

I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard that. My own marriage has jumped around in a hot bowl of difficulties from time to time. For some, financial pressure, illness, trauma, infidelity, family relational issues, fatigue and busyness can all cause the lid to lift off of a marriage when things get hot.

When I bought the bag of popcorn kernels, I knew it would get put into the hot microwave. Surely, all of us who got married knew that our marriages would get tested. Maybe it’s a silly analogy, but it’s true – not all of the relationships make it. Some end up spilled out instead of enjoyed.

Where is your marriage relationship today, right now, at this moment? Are you allowing the pressures to lift the lid? Maybe you just need to sit back a minute and access your relationship. Did things blow up this morning? Did you over-respond to a statement your husband made? Don’t let the issues that are brewing press down on your marriage. Without a strong marital relationship you don’t have a team, but together, you and your husband can make it! Thank the Lord for bringing you together so you can share the load, carry one another’s burdens, and have a “bowl of fun!”

What do you do when things are stressful at home? On Thursday’s post I’m going to share Five Ways to Protect Your Marriage in Difficulty. I hope it will encourage you!

With love,

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What’s Cookin’ In The Parsonage?

January 14, 2013April 10, 2016 RefreshHer1 Comment

A post from Whitney today…grab your spoons, you’re going to want a bite!

Every Monday needs a sleeping kitty picture!

If you’ve read any of my guest posts on RefreshHer, you know I’m not a fan of paying a lot of money for groceries. Recently I’ve found great deals on smoked sausage – pairing a coupon with a sale, I can get a pound for about a dollar. When ground beef is $3 per pound, I’m suddenly in love with smoked sausage! =) I found a recipe on pinterest* that inspired me, but I am sharing my version with you today. Stick around for the end of the post, because I have dessert ready for you too!

*The original recipe is a very easy crock pot recipe, but I haven’t had great success leaving potatoes in the crock pot during an eight hour work day. Let me know if you try the crock pot version and it works for you! I just love roasted potatoes in soup. If you like O’Charley’s potato soup, you’ll like roasted potatoes in your soup too. =)

Ok. Let’s get cookin!

Potato Sausage Chowder

1 Medium Onion, Chopped

1 Clove Garlic, Minced

Olive Oil

32 Oz.Chicken Broth

6 Medium Potatoes, Diced

1 (16 Oz.) Fully Cooked Sausage (Smoked or Kielbasa), sliced into bite sized pieces

1/2 Teaspoon Dried Thyme

1/2 Teaspoon Pepper

1/2 Teaspoon Salt

8 Oz. Shredded Sharp Cheddar Cheese

1 Cup Half and Half

1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Peel potatoes (if you want, I like to leave the skin on!) and chop into bite sized pieces. Drizzle olive oil on your baking sheet and spread it around with a pastry brush (or a paper towel works too). Arrange the potatoes in a single layer on the pan and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Bake until tender, about 35 minutes. The potatoes should be “just” done and lightly browned, they will cook a little more in the soup.

2. While the potatoes are baking, add 1 tablespoon of olive oil or butter to a large pot. Cook the onions at medium high heat 5 minutes. Add garlic and cook for 1 minute. Reduce heat to medium. Pour in the chicken broth and stir. Season the chicken broth with salt, pepper and the thyme.

3. Add the half and half, simmer for 5 minutes. Add the cheese and simmer until it is melted.

4. Carefully add the sausage and potatoes. (If you dump them all in at once, it makes a splashy mess on the stove. Don’t ask how I know. Ahem)

And now….dessert!!

Every so often I get a hankerin’ for chocolate cream pie. Don’t tell my mom, but I’m not good at making pie crusts, so sometimes I just skip the crust and make the filling.

Chocolate Cream Pie (without the pie crust)

From Food Network

8 ounces softened cream cheese

1/2 cup sugar

1/3 cup cocoa powder

1/3 cup milk

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Beat until fluffy.

Yummy Topping:

1 cup heavy cream

2 tablespoons sugar

Dash of Cinnamon

Beat in a cold mixing bowl until soft peaks form. Serve in lovely parfait glasses from your Nana (if you have a sweet Nana who gives great gifts like lovely parfait dishes). =)

Thanks for reading!

Whitney

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Freshen Up Friday

January 11, 2013April 10, 2016 RefreshHer3 Comments

Sometimes things we have hanging in our home just need a little refreshing! I had a picture that I liked that had been hanging over my couch in the living room. But because the sun had faded it, it needed to be replace. However, I couldn’t bear getting rid of the frame the faded picture was in because it is so “me!” I love the shabby chic look and it is perfect for the living room’s decor. Then I got the bright idea to cover the glass with chalkboard paint!

Here’s the result:

Now, I have to tell you that I added a text on the chalkboard using Photobucket. I have to wait a whole 24 hours before I can write on it. I will be patient and wait, but I wanted you to see what it’s going to look like when I take the chalk to it! I LOVE the way it turned out.

Here’s the picture in its old state…

Here’s how I did it:

I covered the frame with painter’s tape. Here it is, dead, lying on its side out on the back patio.

I used a sandpaper on the glass and “roughed” it up a little.
I shook the can of blackboard spray paint for the full 2 minutes it says.
I applied paint in even strokes going one direction. I waited 15 minutes.
I applied a coat of paint going the opposite direction from the first coat. I waited 15 minutes.
I added a total of 10 coats of paint, alternating directions with each coat.

I can see all kinds of neat uses for this paint! But this is my favorite! Why not take a look around your house and see if you have a frame you love holding a picture that you don’t love so much. Cover the glass with chalkboard paint and freshen up that decor. You’ll be giving it a whole new life!

Yep, I like it much better!

Does this tempt you to cover a picture with chalkboard paint?

See you in church Sunday!

Be refreshed,