expectations · Motherhood

Freshen Up Friday – Enjoying Adult Parent/Child Relationships

 

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In the next couple weeks a significant birthday is coming my way.  My daughters came to me earlier this year, telling me that they were planning a Girl’s Weekend Away so we might celebrate my day together.

Wow.

I was so touched by their thoughtfulness.  To think that ~

  1. They remembered it was going to be a significant birthday.
  2. They wanted to do something for me to celebrate it.
  3. They planned it all and simply invited me to join them.
  4. They wanted to spend a whole weekend together.

It was just a blessing that truly touched my heart.  I was surprised, excited and so grateful.

To tell you the truth, I also felt a little guilty about it because I know of other older moms who would love an event like this to be planned by their children, but their phone isn’t ringing, the texts aren’t coming.  They feel lonely and maybe forgotten.

I think it’s so important that we all keep a truth tucked into our hearts –

Our adult children don’t owe us anything.

We should never feel entitled to:

  • A call
  • A card
  • A visit
  • A remembrance

Do you remember when you were their age?  The busyness of young life was swirling about.  Little children, work schedules, low funds, and busyness took your mind off the dates on the calendar that would normally signal an alarm.  Life takes over.

This is especially true for sons.

I have daughters.

Not all girls remember either.

Let’s just take the expectations off the table and release them from the guilt we might throw their way when they forget or overlook what we think should be significant.

Maybe, just maybe if we don’t have any expectations it would make it a greater pleasure for them to do something thoughtful.  Maybe it will happen as they get older and they see the blessing of giving.  Maybe.

I know that I am truly blessed by girls who went to great lengths to make last weekend special.  But I also know that I am truly undeserving.  I mess up so much, friends.  I overlook things I should have asked about.  I forget events and mail belated cards.  But I try to have a grateful heart.  I want to keep a tongue that says, thank you for all the little things.  A text.  A card. A call.  A question.  An aid.  Thank you. Thank you.  Thank you.  We probably can’t say it enough.

Now that all that’s been said, I have to say again to my girls,

“Thank you for last weekend.  It was three days and two nights that I’ll always cherish.  I loved every minute of it.  It was perfect in every way because we shared it together.  You are thoughtful, kind, caring, giving, and so much fun to spend time with!  Thanks for spending your time with your mom.  I am blessed! A card is in the mail.”  Image result for smile emoji

Here are a few pictures from our time together:

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We stayed in a cute “Tiny House!”
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Crafting together was fun!
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Coffee!! An important ingredient in any weekend!
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We went out to a special dinner, provided for by my sweet husband!
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Shrimp and Grit Cakes!  Yum!

 

Let me end by saying, if you’re a younger woman:

  1. Seek to be a blessing to your parents, but do it because you love them, not because you feel guilty.
  2. Call just to say hi, not just when you need something.
  3. Help your husband remember his parent’s special days – Father’s/Mother’s Day, birthdays, etc.  Guys usually struggle here!
  4. Remember that you’re going to be an older mom some day; set a good example for your children.

If you’re an older woman:

  1. Release your child from any expectations.  Look to the Lord to fill that longing in your heart.
  2. Express gratitude for any little thing that comes your way.
  3. Remember that being young has lots of pressures and demands.  Give your kids a loving break.
  4. Smile and make someone else’s day as fun as you would enjoy!

Refresh someone’s life today!

Denise

 

 

 

8 thoughts on “Freshen Up Friday – Enjoying Adult Parent/Child Relationships

  1. Denise, I loved this post. Loved it! Over the years I have learned to let go of expectations. I make sure my adult kids know I am there for them if they need me, but we are determined not to interfere in their lives. We don’t expect them to celebrate holidays with us … they have their own families and traditions, and when those plans and traditions include us, we are grateful, but we don’t expect it. I have known so many ladies who can’t seem to let go of their expectations, and as a result things hurt them far more than necessary.

    The photos are all wonderful but I particularly loved the craft time and the one of the 2 girls peeking down from the loft. I read the story on Whitney’s blog also. So happy for you all that you could have this precious time together!

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  2. I want to focus on two comments you made today, Denise. #1 Letting go of expectations. I need to work on this one but when I feel disappointed I don’t tell my children. I just complain to my husband. Poor Guy!
    #2 Relationships with sons are a lot different from relationship with daughters. I am blessed to have two of each so I know this for a fact. “A son is a son until he takes a wife. A daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life”.
    I read Whitneys’ post and I love seeing her pictures and your pictures.
    Have a blessed week-end.

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    1. I sure love your approach to listening to the Spirit of God in your life and your humility to make the changes necessary! You are such a blessing to my heart!

      Your quote is so true, and there’s nothing wrong with it because he’s obeying God’s command to leave and cleave. Thank you for sharing!
      I pray your weekend is full of God’s blessing and work!

      Like

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