Biblical Womanhood · Wife's Role · Women's roles

A Heart To Serve

Lesson 5 in our review of A Woman After God’s Own Heart, by Elizabeth George.

I remember as a young girl, looking at myself in the mirror and thinking, “Why am I here? What is my purpose?”  I think most of us have pondered that question at some time or other.  But as a follower of Christ, it’s narrowed that question to, “What does God want from me as a Christian?”  God doesn’t snatch us up out of this world and take us to heaven (as wonderful as that would be!) the moment we get saved.  Why not?  What purpose does He have for leaving us here?

We are to glorify God – I Cor. 10:31.  We are to share the Gospel – Matt 28:19,20.  We are to disciple younger women – Titus 2:5 But as Christian wives, we have another mission to fulfill – what is it?

Gen 2:18 God says, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” God had made Eve and she was made to be a helper to Adam.  The moment we get married, we have the same role. 

What does it mean to be a helper? Elizabeth gives us definitions that came from her husband’s commentaries.
1. A helper is one who shares man’s responsibilities.
2. A helper responds to his nature with understanding and love.
3. Wholeheartedly cooperates with him in working out the plan of God.

Elizabeth said that she realized that she must not be in competition with her husband. Instead, she was to be solidly behind him and supportive of him. The husband is the one who’s supposed to win and the wife is to help make his victory possible. 

Our primary responsibility is to help our husband, share his responsibilities, respond to his nature, and wholeheartedly cooperate with and in God’s plan for our lives together.

This kind of mindset will help us to be more like Christ as we esteem our husband better than ourselves. Philippians 2: 3  Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

This is so counter-cultural. The world says, look after yourself!  Don’t let a man keep you from being all you can be.  Jesus says, “If you want to be great in God’s kingdom, learn to be a servant.

What would this look like in real life – in a real marriage?

1. Make a commitment to help your husband. It’s our decision whether or not we will be a helper to him. Women often criticize men for only being able to do one thing at a time.  We’re talking on the phone, braiding our daughter’s hair, stopping to stir the gravy we’re making on the stove, and also snapping our fingers at our other child who is getting ready to disobey!  So, if we’re good at that and our husband isn’t, could it be that God has put us with him to help him in that area and in all other areas where we are strong and he is not?
Ask yourself what your husband struggles with, and then see if you can help in that area of weakness.

2. Focus on your husband. Again, this kind of thinking is so counter-cultural. The world says, you be number one. But in God’s economy, we make our husband number one.
How do we do that?
Ask him how you can help him that day.
Ask what you can do to make better use of his time. It might be frightening that you don’t end up with time to do what you want to do, but more than likely he will still have plenty of time to accomplish your list. 
Pray and ask the Lord how we can ease our husband’s life by being his helper.
Look at what you’re doing and ask, will this help or hinder my husband? Is my response one of humility or am I creating strife?

Let’s think about how we might flesh that out.

 If I am praying that my husband will have a devotional time with my family and I’m tempted to remind him again by speaking to him about it, I need to ask myself if this is going to help or hinder. Pray about how to approach this. If he’s just forgetting, maybe we could just set the Bible on the table where he will see it, rather than speaking words what will sound disrespectful.

 If there’s something I want to purchase and he doesn’t see a way to financially provide for that, how could I help and not hinder our home? Make that purchase a matter of Prayer. Be careful with your spending. Show you are honoring his decision.  Lovingly share how God is providing for you now.

 When he is sharing something with a group of people and he says something that is wrong, if I correct him, will that be helping him or hindering him?

 I think we can see that helping means holding back for a little bit before we pounce and do something spontaneously.

 if he is making a decision about something that we disagree with, how can we respond in a way that is helpful? Being a helper doesn’t mean we can’t say anything, but we need to be wise about when and how. If he is making a decision about something that we don’t agree with, perhaps we could say, “Could we just pray about that together right now?” Then leave the matter to the Lord. Trust in the Lord with all your heart.

Prov. 31:12 – She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Helping is a simple way to be a Godly wife on assignment from God. Elizabeth ends this chapter with these words ~

Do you see yourself as a team player, free from competitive actions, thoughts or desires? Have you made your husband your primary career? Is helping your husband your heart’s primary concern and main focus of your energy. This kind of service glorifies God. It is then that we are living out our purpose in our marriage.

Let’s not get our directives in marriage from the world, but from God’s Word. Ask the Lord how you can come alongside and be the best helper to your husband today.

Refresh your husband’s life by being his helper.

7 thoughts on “A Heart To Serve

  1. I agree 100% on this. I am 36 years old and it feels impossible to find younger women who think like this. The world wants wives to be served instead of serving.


    1. I’m sure it’s hard to find someone with a biblical mindset in our world today, but the Lord can direct you. My husband makes it so easy for me to serve him because of his sacrificial love and service for me. As each partner strives to love and obey God’s mandates for a biblical marriage, it’s such a beautiful picture of the Gospel. It’s sad that many don’t see the joy of serving one another.
      I’m stopping to pray for you now. Don’t give up. Keep walking with the Lord and serving Him and He will direct your steps. Thank you for reading and sharing your concern.


  2. How grateful I am that God made you my suitable helper almost 41 years ago!!! Doing life together as God planned is always better!! Love you!!


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