Marriage · Refreshment in marriage · Wife's Role

Conversational Respect in Marriage

A young man who had recently lost his father was asked by a friend,

“What were your father’s last words before he died?

“My father didn’t have any last words,” the son replied. “Mother was with him right up ’til the end!”

We laugh at a cute little story like that, but the sad truth is, that scenario is lived out in many, many marriages.

I remember once when we were on vacation, a woman and her husband were seated near me as I read at the poolside.  The husband’s phone rang, and based on his (loud) conversation, he was talking to one of their adult children.  The entire time this man was on the phone, his wife was telling him something he needed to say to their child.  It was almost hilarious.  The poor guy could hardly express his own thoughts into words because his wife was feeding him lines the whole time he was on the phone.  I’m guilty of doing that on a bit of a smaller scale, but it’s still wrong.

Why is it wrong to talk over our husband, or talk for him?  I believe it’s the respect issue that comes into play.

How is respect shown when we remind him what to say, correct what he just said, or talk for him when he’s being talked to? The truth is, we are showing disrespect instead!

Respect is seen when we:

  • Give our husband a place of honor.  In conversation, that place is to be still while he’s talking.  We shouldn’t correct, interrupt, or answer for him.  He is not our son – he is our husband.
  • Wait for him to answer – even if it seems like he’s NEVER going to come up with what he’s wanting to say.  Many times he doesn’t speak because we are impatient and jump in too quickly.  I’ve watched a man literally forming the words and begin to answer, but never be able to say his thoughts because the wife couldn’t wait that long!
  • Wait for him to finish talking with the other person before we share our thoughts or question.  If he’s talking to someone else, we wait, then perhaps motion that we would like to add a thought or question, then wait for him to let us know when he’s able to listen.
  • Think long and hard about the need to correct him – even later.  Unless it’s a serious faux pas that he needs to go back and make right, does it really matter that he said it was three years ago when he built the barn out back, but you know it was four years ago?!  Ask if it’s something you can just let go of, and if it is, then do it!
  • Learn to listen.  Be quiet and listen.  Nod.  Smile.  If he’s telling his infamous joke again,  let him have his moment of glory and don’t spoil it by exclaiming your disgust or disapproval.

Many husbands that don’t talk in marriage learned not to bother after years of disrespect from their wife.  Show your husband honor in conversation and let him have the last words!

Prayer · Wife's Role

Fifteen Things To Pray For Your Husband

Time to study and pray before the retreat began.

Hey friend, did you pray for your husband today?

“Well, of course!” you say,

but how specifically did you pray? It’s easy to pray for his safety and spiritual growth, but beyond that, we might not really know what to ask the Lord to do for him and in him.

Today I’m sharing a list of 15 things to pray for your husband, with Scripture verses to use as your prayer guide. For instance, as you pray that your husband lives in accordance to God’s plan for his life, according to Ephesians 4, you could pray,

Lord, as Paul, a prisoner of the Lord prayed that those at Ephesus would walk worthy of the vocation to which they’d been called, please help Dale to walk a life worthy of his calling to the ministry, to his calling as a husband, a father and a grandfather. May he serve with lowliness, meekness and longsuffering. Help him to forbear with others with Christlike love.

Praying in this way is powerful, because we are praying in God’s will from His Word. Here’s the whole list of requests and Scripture passages ~

Praying for your husband

  1. That he lives in accordance with God’s plan for his life (Ephesians 4:1-2)
  2. That he would lean on Christ in his trials (Psalm 46:1)
  3. That he would be a man of integrity.  (Prov 11:3)
  4. That he would not fall to temptation.  (I Cor. 10:13)
  5. That he would be a man of prayer.  (I Thess. 5:17)
  6. That he would be a man of discernment.  (Phil 1:9,10)
  7. That he would love like Christ.  (Eph 5:22-23)
  8. That he would grasp his purpose in Christ.  (Rom 8:28)
  9. That he would trust the Lord to be his strength (Ps 28:7)
  10. That he would be surrounded by godly men.  (Prov 13:20)
  11. That he would grow spiritually.  (II Peter 3:17, 18)
  12. That he would have a humble, teachable spirit (Proverbs 15:33)
  13. That he would be quick to forgive (Ephesians 4:32)
  14. That he would guard His Heart (Proverbs 4:23)
  15. That he would continue to lead and that God would be glorified in your marriage (Ephesians 5:25-29)

Wouldn’t you want someone to pray specifically like that for you? It might even be a really good idea to show the list to your husband and let him know how you’re praying. What a sacrifice of love for your mate!

Print off this page and keep it in your prayer journal or Bible so it will be at your fingertips.

Refresh the heart of your husband with your prayers,

Encouragement · Refreshment in marriage · Wife's Role

One Great Tool To Strengthen Your Marriage

I’ve always been a huge fan and encourager of leaving love notes for your spouse. Why? Scripture says,

Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad. Proverbs 12:25

Our husband gets beaten down by the world, his own flesh and the devil. If we’re not giving them a “good word,” who is? We don’t want another woman giving him those words…that is our place and privilege!

A few months ago my friend and I were browsing through a store and she found the cutest pad of love notes from Dayspring and brought them over to me and said,

This looks like something you would love!

Was she ever right! Here’s the front of the pad…

Here’s the back…

Sample page…

I love that you can put the date on it, that it’s filled with a prayer and also Scripture verses. You can flip it over and write an additional note to your spouse in your handwriting…

Backside of note

There are 100 notes in this pad! They cover topics like noticing their burdens, their spiritual gifts being used, dreaming about the future, and sparks of loving romance. Of course you could come up with your own verses and prayers and write them on a card, but I have found the convenience of it already being written on the card, and also done so beautifully, really helps me be more mindful to leave them for my husband to find!

I’ve used this several times since purchasing it and I can say that I believe my husband has truly appreciated each one. I get no kick-back from telling you about this product, but I was sure glad my friend pointed it out to me when we were shopping together, and I wanted to point it out to you! This would also make a great wedding shower gift! I’d encourage you to check it out!

Refresh your marriage with a love note,

Biblical Womanhood · Home making · Wife's Role

Homemaker Encouragement

As we finish this short series on Home Management, I wanted to leave you with a few thoughts about your work as a homemaker.

  1. Prepare your heart for the day. Talk to the Lord about your day and your work.  Give it to Him. 
    Ps. 90:17 And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us: and establish thou the work of our hands upon us; yea, the work of our hands establish thou it.

Proverbs 16:3 Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.

As you look at your list of “To-do’s,” give it to the Lord and let Him order your steps. You’ll be amazed at how much more you’ll accomplish that lines up with His will instead of your own!

  1. Deal with only today. Matt. 6:34 Take therefore no thought (Don’t worry) for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. 

Be not anxious about tomorrow; today has its own challenges! Augustine took Psalm 90:12 So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. and said, “Number each day as your last day. (One day it will be).  

I can remember a few years ago I let myself get so stressed out about some company that was coming at a very busy time. Guess what? They ended up having to cancel! I had stressed and worried for naught! So often that is the case. Dealing with today will relieve those worrisome situations and help you do the next step…

3. Value each minute of today. Make each moment count for eternity.  Think about the eternal, not the temporal. 

We remember moments not days.

Make your home more about the people than you do the place.  People – not things – create the memories in your home.  People are eternal; things are not!

Here are three last helps as you manage your home – 

** Keep moving. Like the law of inertia,  A body in motion will remain in motion! A body at rest will remain at rest. Keep going until your work is done.

** Develop a routine – same place, same thing, same time. Do the worst first. If you do that, it will make your day more productive!

** Say “No!” Make your plan for the day, then unless you are sure that God is moving you to Plan B, the answer is going to be “No” until that plan is complete. Say no to people, to yourself, your own indulgences and rash things.

She looks well to the ways of her household and doesn’t eat the bread of idleness. Proverbs 31:27

A refreshing look at our responsibilities can give us a right perspective and a determination to give it our all! I trust this has refreshed your attitude about being a home manager and has also shown you what a blessing it is to wear that title!

Home making · Wife's Role · Women's roles

Maytag, Messes and Meals, Part 2

I recently saw an Instagram video of a house that had been flipped. The months of work were finished and it was beautiful. Not only was the structure beautiful, but so was each room! They had a professional stager come in and place furniture and decor in each room to make potential buyers see its possibilities.  It seemed to have everything, but one thing it is lacking is people.  In its present state, it is a pretty house, but it is not a home. What will it take to turn it into one? People.

People make a house a home.

So as you and I step into our house with another person – just our mate, or perhaps also our children, we must realize that the most important part of that structure is not the beautiful hardwood floors or the vaulted ceilings – it’s the people who live there. Someone has to do some building of love, structure and routines to create a happy and comfortable place for that family to live. That “someone” is you and me. God has given us that nurturing, nesting nature to help us with the building of our home. How do we build? With God’s wisdom.

Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pluck down with her hands.
Proverbs 14:1

I can remember a time when I was a child that my mom was away from home for a week while she had surgery. Back then you were kept in the hospital a week or so to regain strength before returning home. My dad did his best taking care of me and my sisters, but my mom’s presence was missed so much. Things just weren’t the same without her cheery disposition. A wife and mother adds to a home what no one else can bring. We minister to our family in ways I don’t think we can fully comprehend. We must be deliberate about building the lives that gather there

Home should be the one place on the earth where everything will be alright. That’s our sphere – our responsibility, our role – to build the home. We’re not talking about a perfect family – there is no such thing, but a place where there is love and acceptance, forgiveness and encouragement, provision and rest.

Home needs to be a little bit of heaven on earth. Every man needs a place that is a refuge for him.  Every child needs a place that is a safe haven from the world. That is the kind of place we must build.

The negative part of Proverbs 14:1 says that the foolish pluck down their home with their hands. How?

  1. Actively – Anger out of control that throws things, slams doors, slams dishes on the table, rips things up, tears things up. It can tear up a little heart and mind and it can destroy and ruin a person and a home.
  2. Passively – This is simply a failure to work – it’s laziness! We’re to be building; it’s active. We can pluck down our own home just by failing to do the work. We just never get around to it.
    We watch too much t.v., spend too much time on social media, so things aren’t getting done, or we’re not home enough to accomplish the work.

We’re on assignment from God to build a house. We must steer clear of every act, every hindrance that would interfere in building that home.

We must make a decision or a commitment to build, or begin to build.
It’s not too late!
The enemy would want you too think it is, and it won’t make any difference, but that’s not true! You can begin today by asking God to give you wisdom about how to build and then do it.

Just do one thing for the people in your home. Build the atmosphere with your loving touch. Be there. Notice. Listen. Look. Love. Care. Make a difference in their lives.

Next time we’ll discuss some of the particular ways we can manage and care for our home. Until then, do the One Thing the Lord brings to your mind.

Refresh your home by building,