Discipleship · Mentoring · Wife's Role

Need a Little Help Loving Your Man?

Adorned Study #11

A long-distance friend on Facebook is engaged.  She wrote on her fiance’s wall this week,

“You are so easy to love!”

Anyone who has been married for a month or two, knows that husbands AND wives don’t STAY easy to love; both need grace at times in order to love the other as we should! 

We need help and encouragement to keep loving our husbands as God loves us and for that reason, our wise and loving Father put instruction in His Word to help us when the love doesn’t feel so natural anymore.

 That they (the older women) may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, 

Why isn’t love a natural response?  

  • Sin – Two sinners make up a marriage! We stand shoulder to shoulder before the cross.  One is not better than the other!
  • Selfishness and pride
  • Our focus gets misplaced – We focus on the irritants instead of the blessings. 

I smile at the wisdom of God to tell the older women to encourage younger women about loving their husband.  How encouraging it is to know that the older woman struggled to love, too!  What a testimony a divorced woman can also be to a younger woman about the important truths she learned in a very difficult time in her life and how God can help the younger woman keep her covenant of marriage. Again, we see how much we need one another!

The word for love that Paul uses here is “phileo – This is the friendship kind of love, not the romantic, passionate kind.  It’s the love that says, not only do I love you, I like you! It conveys the idea of being a friend to our husband.  We enjoy time with him.  We enjoy being with him. 

When we’re dating, all those things seem easy.  We count the minutes until we get to be together again! 

My husband and I lived three hours away from one another for a good part of our dating and engagement period.  I could hardly wait until he would come visit for the weekend.  I would put everything on hold so I could just spend time with him!  After marriage its’ so easy to get too busy with life and busyness to stop and spend time together.  When we put everything before spending time with our husband, we’re not loving him well.

Elizabeth George encourages wives to have a positive word she can use when he suggests an outing.  I chose “sure!” 

Want to go up with me to wash the car?  Sure!  Want to just go grab a hamburger for lunch?  Sure! 

bike riding

Nancy says,

Marriage, at its heart, is a sacred covenant between a man and a woman, designed to display to the world in Technicolor the covenant-keeping character and faithfulness of God Himself.  …Human marriage is a story intended to draw people toward the gospel, showing them the love of God through two imperfect individuals whose lives become one in Him and who are devoted to one another for better or for worse…for life.

  It’s good to remember that Adam needed a helper.  Your husband – my husband needed a helper.  They needed a companion, a friend to do life with them.  It takes effort, but we need to intentionally pour into our marriages.  Take time to “travel the scenic route.”  That means finding time to talk, to share, to be together.  We need to continue to develop interests as we age.  Find things you could do as a couple.  Find ministries where you can serve together.  Keep on being One – not two individuals doing your own thing and bumping into one another on the way to the garage where you’ll get in your own cars and continue in the fast lane!

What is a wife to do about the irritants and the things she thinks her husband is doing incorrectly?  PRAY.  Ruth Graham said it well – It’s my job to love Billy, and God’s job to change him. 

It’s not our responsibility to point out his faults.  He’s well aware of them.  It’s our job to be his cheerleader.  To believe in him when all the world is against him.

You can go here and listen to the podcast on this chapter of Adorned. You will hear four practical encouragements regarding ways to love your husband well.

Let me end by asking, two questions –
Do you have a word that lets your husband know you’re happy about spending time doing what he suggests?
What could you do this week to be a friend to your husband?

If your marriage seems hopeless, please read this post. If you need some practical tips on demonstrating love to your husband, here are some simple suggestions.

Refresh the love for your husband,

Marriage · Refreshment in marriage · Wife's Role

Conversational Respect in Marriage

A young man who had recently lost his father was asked by a friend,

“What were your father’s last words before he died?

“My father didn’t have any last words,” the son replied. “Mother was with him right up ’til the end!”

We laugh at a cute little story like that, but the sad truth is, that scenario is lived out in many, many marriages.

I remember once when we were on vacation, a woman and her husband were seated near me as I read at the poolside.  The husband’s phone rang, and based on his (loud) conversation, he was talking to one of their adult children.  The entire time this man was on the phone, his wife was telling him something he needed to say to their child.  It was almost hilarious.  The poor guy could hardly express his own thoughts into words because his wife was feeding him lines the whole time he was on the phone.  I’m guilty of doing that on a bit of a smaller scale, but it’s still wrong.

Why is it wrong to talk over our husband, or talk for him?  I believe it’s the respect issue that comes into play.

How is respect shown when we remind him what to say, correct what he just said, or talk for him when he’s being talked to? The truth is, we are showing disrespect instead!

Respect is seen when we:

  • Give our husband a place of honor.  In conversation, that place is to be still while he’s talking.  We shouldn’t correct, interrupt, or answer for him.  He is not our son – he is our husband.
  • Wait for him to answer – even if it seems like he’s NEVER going to come up with what he’s wanting to say.  Many times he doesn’t speak because we are impatient and jump in too quickly.  I’ve watched a man literally forming the words and begin to answer, but never be able to say his thoughts because the wife couldn’t wait that long!
  • Wait for him to finish talking with the other person before we share our thoughts or question.  If he’s talking to someone else, we wait, then perhaps motion that we would like to add a thought or question, then wait for him to let us know when he’s able to listen.
  • Think long and hard about the need to correct him – even later.  Unless it’s a serious faux pas that he needs to go back and make right, does it really matter that he said it was three years ago when he built the barn out back, but you know it was four years ago?!  Ask if it’s something you can just let go of, and if it is, then do it!
  • Learn to listen.  Be quiet and listen.  Nod.  Smile.  If he’s telling his infamous joke again,  let him have his moment of glory and don’t spoil it by exclaiming your disgust or disapproval.

Many husbands that don’t talk in marriage learned not to bother after years of disrespect from their wife.  Show your husband honor in conversation and let him have the last words!

Prayer · Wife's Role

Fifteen Things To Pray For Your Husband

Time to study and pray before the retreat began.

Hey friend, did you pray for your husband today?

“Well, of course!” you say,

but how specifically did you pray? It’s easy to pray for his safety and spiritual growth, but beyond that, we might not really know what to ask the Lord to do for him and in him.

Today I’m sharing a list of 15 things to pray for your husband, with Scripture verses to use as your prayer guide. For instance, as you pray that your husband lives in accordance to God’s plan for his life, according to Ephesians 4, you could pray,

Lord, as Paul, a prisoner of the Lord prayed that those at Ephesus would walk worthy of the vocation to which they’d been called, please help Dale to walk a life worthy of his calling to the ministry, to his calling as a husband, a father and a grandfather. May he serve with lowliness, meekness and longsuffering. Help him to forbear with others with Christlike love.

Praying in this way is powerful, because we are praying in God’s will from His Word. Here’s the whole list of requests and Scripture passages ~

Praying for your husband

  1. That he lives in accordance with God’s plan for his life (Ephesians 4:1-2)
  2. That he would lean on Christ in his trials (Psalm 46:1)
  3. That he would be a man of integrity.  (Prov 11:3)
  4. That he would not fall to temptation.  (I Cor. 10:13)
  5. That he would be a man of prayer.  (I Thess. 5:17)
  6. That he would be a man of discernment.  (Phil 1:9,10)
  7. That he would love like Christ.  (Eph 5:22-23)
  8. That he would grasp his purpose in Christ.  (Rom 8:28)
  9. That he would trust the Lord to be his strength (Ps 28:7)
  10. That he would be surrounded by godly men.  (Prov 13:20)
  11. That he would grow spiritually.  (II Peter 3:17, 18)
  12. That he would have a humble, teachable spirit (Proverbs 15:33)
  13. That he would be quick to forgive (Ephesians 4:32)
  14. That he would guard His Heart (Proverbs 4:23)
  15. That he would continue to lead and that God would be glorified in your marriage (Ephesians 5:25-29)

Wouldn’t you want someone to pray specifically like that for you? It might even be a really good idea to show the list to your husband and let him know how you’re praying. What a sacrifice of love for your mate!

Print off this page and keep it in your prayer journal or Bible so it will be at your fingertips.

Refresh the heart of your husband with your prayers,

Encouragement · Refreshment in marriage · Wife's Role

One Great Tool To Strengthen Your Marriage

I’ve always been a huge fan and encourager of leaving love notes for your spouse. Why? Scripture says,

Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad. Proverbs 12:25

Our husband gets beaten down by the world, his own flesh and the devil. If we’re not giving them a “good word,” who is? We don’t want another woman giving him those words…that is our place and privilege!

A few months ago my friend and I were browsing through a store and she found the cutest pad of love notes from Dayspring and brought them over to me and said,

This looks like something you would love!

Was she ever right! Here’s the front of the pad…

Here’s the back…

Sample page…

I love that you can put the date on it, that it’s filled with a prayer and also Scripture verses. You can flip it over and write an additional note to your spouse in your handwriting…

Backside of note

There are 100 notes in this pad! They cover topics like noticing their burdens, their spiritual gifts being used, dreaming about the future, and sparks of loving romance. Of course you could come up with your own verses and prayers and write them on a card, but I have found the convenience of it already being written on the card, and also done so beautifully, really helps me be more mindful to leave them for my husband to find!

I’ve used this several times since purchasing it and I can say that I believe my husband has truly appreciated each one. I get no kick-back from telling you about this product, but I was sure glad my friend pointed it out to me when we were shopping together, and I wanted to point it out to you! This would also make a great wedding shower gift! I’d encourage you to check it out!

Refresh your marriage with a love note,

Biblical Womanhood · Home making · Wife's Role

Homemaker Encouragement

As we finish this short series on Home Management, I wanted to leave you with a few thoughts about your work as a homemaker.

  1. Prepare your heart for the day. Talk to the Lord about your day and your work.  Give it to Him. 
    Ps. 90:17 And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us: and establish thou the work of our hands upon us; yea, the work of our hands establish thou it.

Proverbs 16:3 Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.

As you look at your list of “To-do’s,” give it to the Lord and let Him order your steps. You’ll be amazed at how much more you’ll accomplish that lines up with His will instead of your own!

  1. Deal with only today. Matt. 6:34 Take therefore no thought (Don’t worry) for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. 

Be not anxious about tomorrow; today has its own challenges! Augustine took Psalm 90:12 So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. and said, “Number each day as your last day. (One day it will be).  

I can remember a few years ago I let myself get so stressed out about some company that was coming at a very busy time. Guess what? They ended up having to cancel! I had stressed and worried for naught! So often that is the case. Dealing with today will relieve those worrisome situations and help you do the next step…

3. Value each minute of today. Make each moment count for eternity.  Think about the eternal, not the temporal. 

We remember moments not days.

Make your home more about the people than you do the place.  People – not things – create the memories in your home.  People are eternal; things are not!

Here are three last helps as you manage your home – 

** Keep moving. Like the law of inertia,  A body in motion will remain in motion! A body at rest will remain at rest. Keep going until your work is done.

** Develop a routine – same place, same thing, same time. Do the worst first. If you do that, it will make your day more productive!

** Say “No!” Make your plan for the day, then unless you are sure that God is moving you to Plan B, the answer is going to be “No” until that plan is complete. Say no to people, to yourself, your own indulgences and rash things.

She looks well to the ways of her household and doesn’t eat the bread of idleness. Proverbs 31:27

A refreshing look at our responsibilities can give us a right perspective and a determination to give it our all! I trust this has refreshed your attitude about being a home manager and has also shown you what a blessing it is to wear that title!