Category: Parenting

Parenting

Developing Thankfulness in Your Child’s Heart – Part 2

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There’s hardly a day that passes that I don’t stop and thank the Lord for the gift of my home. You see, I prayed for ten years that the Lord would provide a house that was our own; one that would allow us to serve Him as we served others, where we could hold lots of people, and also a home in which we could build some equity. Now, here we are! It’s such a blessing because we waited what seemed to be a fairly long time. It’s God’s wonderful gift to us, and we are so thankful!  I can also say,  it was worth the wait!

As parents who want to build thankfulness in their child’s heart, I believe it’s wise to follow our heavenly Father’s example and sometimes let our child wait to receive the thing that they’re desiring. Our society today has the attitude of, “I-must-have-it-now!”. We’re not willing to wait for a hamburger, much less a pair of jeans or a car!

Proverbs 13:19 says, “The desire accomplished is sweet to the soul.”

It’s a greater blessing and causes greater gratitude when we have to wait for something. A child will be more thankful for a toy, the bike or the new outfit if they’ve

  • prayed about it – Asked God for His will in this
  • saved for it – To help cover the expense
  • waited upon it – Because the first two take time!

So, even if you have the means to grant every desire of your child’s, if you want them to learn to be really thankful, apply the principle of Waiting makes you more thankful, and you will be helping your child to develop a grateful heart!

What do you have from the Lord that you had to wait for?

With love,

8E63C63AC0BC189BF1C68B03C74DBB5F

Parenting

Creating a Thankful Heart

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Give thanks

I recently read a story about a man who rescued many people from a freezing lake after their ship had suffered a puncture.  He dove in the icy waters again and again, rescuing victim after victim.  His heroic efforts cost him his own health, forcing him to use a wheel chair for most of his life after the rescues.  Years later, someone asked him what he remembered most about that time.  “Not one person thanked me for saving them.”

My jaw dropped when I read that!  I would imagine that any person would be so overwhelmed with gratitude that they would tell him how grateful they were!  It reminded me of the ten lepers Jesus healed, and that only one returned to give thanks.

It makes me take a look at my own life and wonder if I have gratitude for all God has done for me.  As parents, don’t we desire that our children are thankful?  We say things to them like,

“Tell the nice man thank you for the sticker.”

“What do you say for the candy?”

“Say thank you to your sister for sharing her toys with you.”

We say these things in hopes that they’ll develop  gratitude, but how do we create in them a thankful heart?  Let me suggest:

  1. Model a thankful spirit.  Saying things such as, “I’m so thankful for a beautiful day for our picnic!” Or “”I prayed about that and God answered!  I’m so thankful He hears me!”  Colossians 3:15 As a friend of mine shared yesterday, we should also be thankful for the rainy days, the plans that were changed, or the needs that arise.  From a thankful heart we can say, “God knows what is best, and I’m thankful I can trust in Him for this.”

  2. Remind your children of God’s goodness.  Remind them that everything we have is from God.  James 1:17 – Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above.  Remind them to thank the Lord for the food, the new friend, the good friend at church, the money to purchase new jeans, and the birthday gifts because they are all due to His goodness – not anything we did or deserve.

  3. Point them to thank the people God uses to provide and teach them how to tell them thank you.

    I recently sent some cake home with a friend at church.  The very next service I received a note from each of the school-aged children.  They both wrote to tell me how much they enjoyed it and to say thank you!

    Don’t let a flippant “thanks” be enough – teach your child to say thank you verbally, but also to write their thanks.  The notes I received were great reminders of what a note of thanks should contain:

    1. A brief but specific description of what was done/given.
    2. Why the receiver appreciated it.
    3. Thanks for their kindness.
    4. If you want to go the extra mile, they could add a verse that describes what the giver did!  One of my note writers added a verse to their card, and that was really touching!

Let’s have thankful hearts that our children can emulate.  As followers of Jesus, we were saved from far more than icy waters, and we should have thankful spirits that are evident by our words and actions!

With thanks to you for reading today,

8E63C63AC0BC189BF1C68B03C74DBB5F

Parenting

Loving Training VS. Unfair Cruelty

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Family Camps and Family sermons are a blessing for a mom who is hungry to do things God’s way! I can remember times when after attending Family Camp, I’d come home all fired up and ready to set my girls on the straight and narrow path of discipline. Yes sir, we were going to have an organized, happy, well-run home now! So I’d get out my notes from the sermon on Child Discipline and I’d begin to apply the rules, and the loving discipline that came as a result of not obeying Mommy. Wow! What a change! My daughters knew their limitations, what was expected, and what would happen if they chose to disobey. I learned that children want to know where the boundaries are. It made our girls feel loved and safe.  It made them happy, and it made their parents happy! That is until…

A tiring day would set in. Maybe it started because I had a migraine the night before and got little sleep. Maybe we’d had a busy day, and everyone was worn out…especially Mom. One of the girls would “cross the line” and do one of the “Taboo” things they were recently taught not to do, and in my weariness I’d overlook it. I’d excuse it for one reason or another. Then not long thereafter, she’d add another “taboo” action or response, and she knew it, and so did I, but in my weariness I’d reason, “don’t we all have bad days now and then, for goodness sake?”

On and on this would continue, until finally Mom had had ENOUGH. The proverbial tea kettle boiled over and Katie bar the door, this child was in BIG TROUBLE! Discipline was given, but in anger and frustration, rather than loving correction. How unfair. How cruel of me. The only thing I taught my child in moments like those was to be afraid of Mom!

It was time for Mom to go to school and learn some parenting Math:

Discipline + Consistency = Loving Training

BUT,

Discipline – Consistency = Unfair Cruelty

This equation is true in every area of parenting.  We learn this from our heavenly Father. God is a just God.  He’s immutable (never changing). He loves us enough to consistently discipline and correct every time we disobey.

Last week I gave some encouragement for moms who desire to train their children to sit in church. I heard through the grapevine that one mom read that post and then said, “I sure hope this works!” It’s no secret formula, for sure, it’s just doing the math problem above, adding discipline with consistency in order to lovingly train your child to sit quietly in church. It takes time, it takes patience, but probably the most important ingredient is the consistency! 

When you’re doing the training at home on your couch, if you overlook him getting down a couple times because he “needed his blankie,” or “he wanted his other sippie cup,” you are headed for nothing but frustration. It’s essential that what you expect from your child you adhere to each and every single time. Without that consistency, your child won’t know what’s really expected. They will be confused. One day you correct him for getting down or throwing a fit, the next day, you overlook it. Then when you’re sitting in church and he decides to take a trip down the aisle during the sermon, you’re now embarrassed by his actions, and you chase him down, snatch him up in anger, and storm out of the service. How unfair and cruel.

On my inconsistent days with my daughters, when I finally got back on track and followed through with the loving training, you know what happened? The strife was gone from our home! The Tea Kettle settled down, and my child was once again happy! Yes, even after being corrected. Love your child enough to be consistent with him. It’s the loving training that will bring glory to God and peace in your home and hearts!

When do you find it hardest to be consistent in child-training?

With love,

Parenting

“Wait! Don’t Discipline Her!”

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He that justifieth the wicked,
and he that condemneth the just,
even they both are abomination to the Lord.
Proverbs 17:15

Does it scald you to hear that a just person was persecuted for something they didn’t do? When you learn that an innocent person was punished for a crime they didn’t do are you tempted to go on a rampage? It’s not fair. We want justice.

But now, let me ask you moms…are you just as adamant about seeing to it that the wrong that your child does IS punished? It’s the other side of this proverb – “He that justifies the wicked is abomination to the Lord. “Wicked” is the description of our heart according to Jeremiah 17:9 – The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? When we overlook the wicked, sinful things our child does, God hates it.

You may think you’re innocent of this parental sin, but will you consider one more question –

What do you do when your spouse steps in to discipline the wrong your child has done?  Our protective, mothering heart wants to jump in and intervene for our child, does it not? We hate to see them get a spanking, or anything that might cause pain or hardship. It’s tempting to step in and make an excuse for them. We may suggest they be given another chance. In so doing, we are justifying the wicked! I might add that we’re also stepping into the realm of showing disrespect to our husband’s authority and demeaning his leadership in our home. At the moments when we want to stop the discipline from happening, we must think the truth – that the wickedness needs to be dealt with, or we’ll be sinning against the Lord.

I can remember times when one of our girls would push the limit and disobey, and would earn the discipline that was promised if they crossed that line. My husband would step in and send them to their room. They knew what was coming, and so did I. They went to their room, and I headed to mine – at the other end of the house. I had to remove myself from the situation in order to be able to handle it. I would go and pray for both my husband and my daughter as the discipline took place.

If you’re asking, “What if the husband is going to give unfair punishment?” I’d answer by saying, make a loving request. You can be like Daniel and ask a question PRIVATELY. Asking him a question about the discipline in front of your child is again destroying his leadership. Go into another room and talk quietly. Ask a question. “Do you think this deserves the punishment you’re giving?” “Could we pray before you spank her?” Ask sweetly, then accept whatever he decides.

Remember that the principle of disciplining the wickedness is in order to turn your child’s heart to God. This reminds them of their need for Christ. To avoid the dealing with their sin, is to keep them from seeing their own wicked heart and their need for cleansing. That in itself can help us understand why the Lord wants us to let our child bear the consequence of their sin.

Don’t become guilty yourself by justifying the wrong your child does. Instead, make sure it’s dealt with. The Lord loves that and He loves your child…even more than you do! The reward and blessing will follow!

Are you ever tempted to defend the wrong your child does? When is it hardest for you?

With love,

Marriage · Parenting

How to Survive and Thrive in the Empty Nest

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When I first wrote the post about taking our last daughter off to college and us becoming Empty Nesters, it had just happened. I was right in the thick of it all at the time, climbing my way up the tree and flinging myself over the edge of the nest. I was weepy, happy, excited, sad, melancholy and apprehensive. Those emotions could come and go at a moment’s notice.

I’ll never forget going to church the first time after Alli was gone. I was alone in the pew. My husband was preaching and my girls were gone. It felt very empty…until the time of greeting one another. A little girl came over to me, one of my “little friends.” She wrapped her arms around my waist and squeezed me so hard. The Lord knew I needed that, and it was at that moment that He spoke to my heart and answered the question that I’d been asking Him since we’d dropped Alli off at school,

“What Now, Lord?”

The answer He spoke to my heart was to minister to younger women and girls. I knew He wanted me to pour my life into others. So I began, I believe even that week. I asked the mom of that little girl if she could come over and bake cookies with me at my home. She did – several times. I also had other children over to bake, read, and just hang out with me. Then I began with women as well, getting together to have coffee and pray, mentoring younger women using good books as our guide. The Lord just opened up so many doors and opportunities. I think I’ve stayed busier during these years than I did when my girls were home!

God answered my prayers, giving me a way to invest my life for eternity, and I love it! So, now on the other side of the Empty Nest, I can look back and remember how I got here. Let me share some practical things for you to do so you can not only survive, but thrive when you are an Empty Nester.

  • To stay in touch with your child, but not to smother them, send them a text each morning. Send a verse you’re praying for them, or an encouragement for their day.
  • Do something fun with your spouse, like getting away for a couple days, at the very beginning of the time your child leaves. It will make the break easier to deal with if you’re not staring at their empty bedroom.
  • Make time with your husband intentional. Do things together and enjoy the freedom you now possess! Just going out during the day when my husband made visits was special to me, because I’d home schooled for 20 years, and couldn’t do that very often. Now I had the chance to join him, and it was great! Maybe for you it will mean getting to run to Sonic after prayer meeting or doing your grocery shopping together. These years should knit your hearts together like your early days of marriage! I like the suggestion of one reader to attend a Couples’ Retreat. The Wilds or other similar Christian camps provide a beautiful setting, fun times and spiritual encouragement for your marriage.
  • Think on what is true – Phil. 4:8 – The Lord intended for children to grow up and leave home. This is the right thing. Don’t allow yourself to wallow in sadness. This is a new season, and one to be enjoyed.
  • Ask the Lord to give you a new ministry; something that will count for eternity. You now have extra time on your hands; use it wisely. Is there a child at church you could pour your life into? Does a young mom need encouragement? Who needs the Gospel that you could do a Bible Study with so that you might share the Good News? Is there a ministry at church you now have time for?
  • Relish the time to dig deep into God’s Word. If you are able to stay home during the Empty Nest Years, as I have, you’ll enjoy extra time to do Bible studies, pray and work on Scripture memory. Determine to make this a spiritually rich season of your life. You’ll have plenty stored in your heart for the times when you may be tempted to be down or sad about your children being gone. Let your Heavenly Father teach you and draw you nearer to His heart.

We missed our girls, but we did indeed have so much fun when the Empty Nest happened that I believe Alli got a little offended! That’s not really a bad thing. Our lives need to be focused first on the Lord, next on our mate, THEN on our children.

To you young moms, keep your husband first right now, so when your children fly from the nest, you won’t be strangers with that man sitting across the table from you at dinner. It will happen sooner than you think! And when it does happen, you two will be so in love, there will be a twinkle in your eye just behind those tears! Don’t just survive, thrive!

From my empty, but contented nest,