Parenting

Responding to Our “Wild Child”

May 17, 2024May 16, 2024 RefreshHer4 Comments

We know that children are a gift from God – especially when they first come into our family. Whether it’s a natural birth, fostering or adoption, they were leant to us from the Lord, and we recognize this.

Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate. Psalm 127:3-5

They are squishy, funny, curious and precious. But they can also be messy, sassy, and willful. They act out in public and we blush and say, “This is my ‘Wild Child’.” A parent can be at their wit’s end to know how to deal with them, and if they were honest, they might even admit that they’re afraid to try to deal with them because of the backlash they would encounter from the child. Does this sound like you and your son or daughter? How can we deal with these difficult things and keep pointing them to Christ so that they will live out their days for His glory?

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My Dad Always Said…

June 19, 2023June 19, 2023 RefreshHer8 Comments

On this day after Father’s Day, I’m thinking much about my precious dad. If you’ve been following me for very long, you know that my 90 year-old father went to heaven on March 11 of this year. I’m so happy for him to be with Christ his Savior. He was ready to die, and spoke many times about being ready to go to heaven. I miss him so much, but I wouldn’t bring him back here. I simply long for the day when we will be together again in heaven.

In these three months since he’s been gone, I have found myself saying, You know what Dad always said…” That’s kind of strange because my dad was a very quiet man, but though he didn’t talk often, when he did say something, it was worth hearing. As for all of us, his words showed his heart which was one of love, godliness, and care. Proverbs 20:7 The righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after him. Here’s a short video I took of him last year speaking from his heart…

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Celebrations · Marriage · Parenting

The Two Greatest Men In My Life

June 17, 2022June 17, 2022 RefreshHer2 Comments

Father’s Day and my wedding anniversary come close together in June, giving me the blessing of celebrating the two greatest men in my life – my dad and my husband. They are both imperfect, of course, but let me tell you why I delight in celebrating them this weekend.

Even at 89, my dad enjoys working on tasks he’s able to do.

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Dealing with hard times · Grandparents · Parenting · salvation

The Perfect Treasure

January 26, 2022February 16, 2022 RefreshHerLeave a comment

Walking along the shoreline of the ocean begs for shell-seeking. As you walk along, you are blinded by glimmers of colors pressed into the sand. You hear the crunch of the buried bits under your feet and an inquisitive mind wonders what treasures could be revealed just under their sandalled foot.

We bend down and scour the sand. What are we looking for? The perfect shell. Not one that has been walked upon, like we just did moments before! No, we seek for one that is unbroken; one that is completely whole with nothing missing or cracked. Those finds are rare. They are discovered by the early morning seekers, donned in water boots, standing ankle deep in the ocean’s foam to make their find before the lazy beachcombers awaken.

As I surveyed the beach on a mid-morning walk last week, I saw a shell in all its beauty! It appeared perfect! I snapped a picture to document my perfect find!

As I bent down and inspected the shell, I was reminded of how we also seek perfection in the children that would enter our home. “As long as they’re healthy, that’s all that matters!” we say. And what do we do if we find that there is a problem – a crack, if you will?

What if a piece is missing, causing an illness or an unwanted diagnosis later on?
What if their make-up is strong-willed and stubborn?
What if there are special needs?
What happens if there is a learning disability?
What if rebellion comes with age and maturity?
What ever will we do with the brokenness that displays itself at the time when we are most embarrassed by it?

The truth is that every child is broken. It comes as a result of being born into a sinful, broken world that has put sin in their nature. That “crack” will be seen in each child in different ways and different times, but it’s there. The blessing isn’t from overlooking the imperfection, but acknowledging it, for then we can find the Hope needed to comfort and restore.

That hope is the grace of God that brings salvation. As sure as the ocean’s tide will cover that broken shell on the shoreline, God’s grace will cover our child as they hear the message of the Gospel. Their greatest need isn’t to be “fixed,” but to be saved. If their weakness, brokenness and imperfection will point them to Jesus as the Savior for their sins, would it not be a treasure for which we did not ask?

What about illnesses, weaknesses and deformities and struggles that put hardship on the parents? God’s grace is as deep as the ocean, and it is sufficient for each day’s burdens and struggles. As the grace of God is witnessed by His daily strength to help, His wisdom to know how to move forward, and His provision that supplies for needs, that weakness glorifies the God who made that child and formed them in the womb. Surely He also puts in our hearts that this is not forever. One Day wholeness will come.

As I watch the waves roll in, one at a time, the Lord reminds me that that is how grace is given to us – one need at a time – not before we need it, or less than we need, but when we need it, and in sufficient amounts.

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. II Corinthians 12:9

After careful examination, it turned out that the “perfect shell” I found wasn’t perfect after all. Lovely as they are, I also saw early on that my girls were also broken, just like their parents! Praise God for the saving grace that has been applied to their lives and that is continually working in each of us as we look forward to that day in heaven when we will be like Jesus! That’s when we will see perfection!

Oh, how God’s heart rejoices at those that go looking for the broken! That refers to those that need the Gospel. With whom are we sharing the Good News of Christ?
Are you pouring the Gospel message into your children every day, weaving its message into all of life? As parents, it’s your responsibility!
If you don’t have children in your home, are you teaching the Gospel to your grandchildren or to your friends, neighbors and the people with whom you interact?

Let’s not be looking for what our hearts think we need (perfection) and instead, purposefully look for the brokenness around us that needs the tidal wave of God’s saving grace! There is no greater Treasure!

Discipleship · Mentoring · Motherhood · Parenting

Loving Your Child Through It All

August 25, 2021August 30, 2021 RefreshHer4 Comments

Adorned Series #13

Hectic school routines, multiple discipline issues, outrages and temper tantrums, messes, stresses, spills and strong wills might describe your mothering yesterday, but I’m here to remind you that there is grace for the task in front of you today, dear mom!

Many women feel so overwhelmed at their task of mothering. I can remember wondering what it would feel like to just hop in the car mid-morning and head to the grocery store. That’s my high energy time! I thought about how fun it would be to be able to just GO! But I was a homeschooling mother, with two girls to train and educate. Our days were full and I usually went to the store at the end of the day when I was weary. However, it was not a sacrifice!

Those kind of situations feel like they’re lasting FOREVER. But guess what I did yesterday? I went to Kroger early in the day!

I’m here to encourage you moms not to lose sight of the important task you’re facing. Your job as a mom is such a high calling! When Adam named his wife Eve, he was saying she is a life-giver. That’s what you are! It doesn’t matter whether you gave life to the children in life naturally, through foster care, or adoption…you are a Life Giver! What could be more important than that? You are on assignment from God to pour into those children the Truth about their God and about their need for a Savior.

I think it’s important that we keep connected to the days when we were asking God for these children. Or even if they were “surprises,” God says they are blessings from His hand!

Psalm 127 As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them:

God said to Abraham of Sarah in Gen 17:16 And I will bless her, and give thee a son also of her: yea, I will bless her, and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of people shall be of her.

Too often, we take the blessings of God and turn them into cursings. We bemoan how our life has been put on hold, how sleep-deprived we are, that we are always on-call, that we don’t have a life outside of cooking, teaching, and cleaning up spilled milk.

In her book Adorned, Nancy said,

You wouldn’t be human not to wear down at times under the strain…and most people will never see the sacrifices you make to parent your children. But if you’re not careful, if you’re not prayerful, if you let the days just pass by without being determined to sue them for God’s highest and best purposes – to remember the real reason you’re doing all this – then the blessings He intends for you in this season may slip through your fingers. And your children may miss out on the vision of God’s love you were intended to give them.

The answer is doing what you do with God’s help.

Hear some fresh reminders from an older mom:

First, let me remind you that the children in your home are blessings. When older women are teaching the young women to love their children we remember that the word for love is Phileo, the friendship kind of love. We are not their buddies, we’re their mother, but we have the kind of love for them that enjoys them. Do they feel that coming from you, or is it more resentment? Ask God to help you enjoy them TODAY. Enjoy them when they’re loveable. Enjoy them when you have to discipline them again.

Secondly, let me remind you that your children are in your home for a relatively short period of time. I know…it feels long right now, but trust me, you will soon be watching them march in graduation or walk down the aisle to be married and you’ll wonder how that ever happened! Make the time while your children are in your home count! Have fun! Be spontaneous! Laugh! Smile at them! Play games. Craft. Bake together. Hang out in the back yard. Pray with them. Read God’s Word to them. (The psalm for their age) Put your phone away. Look at them. Hear them speaking to you!

Thirdly, let me remind you to show loving affection. Do it with your words. Say, “I love you.” Do it with your gestures – give the hug, the pat on the back. Your children need your motherly affection. Even if your children are older, they still need your love and words of affirmation. Notice not just the bad things, but notice the good!

Recently after I’d spent time with one of my girls I sent her a text and told her how proud I was of her and that I loved her. She responded, “You don’t know what that means to me. I feel like I’m so self absorbed and unpleasant most of the time. I love you, too!” I had no idea she was feeling disheartened, but when the Holy Spirit prompted me to write her, I realized that those words were just what the Lord wanted her to hear. (I miss those opportunities many times! Ugh!)

Fourthly, realize that they must be your priority. People are more important than things. An immaculate house, a perfect yard can wait. Let them play in one room. Let them hang out in the yard. Be the cookie mom who invites the neighbor kids over!

Nancy reminds us that sometimes the best way to prioritize our children is to prioritize time with God. I have my Quiet time in the morning. Often one of the girls would need something while I was praying. They would knock, then come in and find me on my knees, praying for my own heart, for them, and for our school day. Without that time, I would have fallen apart even more often!

Always remember that your husband is your priority above your children. He will still be with you when they leave! How does this happen? When they’re young the children need you almost constantly, but as they grow and mature, make sure that you are making time for your husband. Make sure you’re spending MORE and more time with him as the years pass. Go out on regular dates. As the children age, make them more and more independent so they are ready to step out, and you are not their crutch and they are not yours. Spend MORE time talking, dating, praying, dreaming as each year passes. You don’t want to be looking at a stranger when your kids are gone! This was not God’s plan.

Motherhood is a roller coaster ride. It’s full of joys and sorrows. If you have a child away from God, spite your efforts and prayers, don’t give up. It’s always too soon to quit. God loves them more than you do! Keep living out that overflowing life of a believer. Show them the joy of a Christian who walks with God. Be there for them. Keep loving them. Text them. Talk to them. Don’t be afraid to speak of biblical things…it’s to be overflowing from your life.

Keep on being a life-giver. By our responses, our words, our affection, our encouragement to our children or the children God puts in your path, we can be life-givers all the days God gives us on this earth!

Refresh your love for being a nurturer to the children in your life by remembering how well your God loves you, how patient He is with you, and how He disciplines you in kindness and mercy. Then in good days full of praise and achievements, and in difficult days full of correction and biblical instruction keep on loving your children well.