“Wait! Don’t Discipline Her!”

He that justifieth the wicked,
and he that condemneth the just,
even they both are abomination to the Lord.
Proverbs 17:15

Does it scald you to hear that a just person was persecuted for something they didn’t do? When you learn that an innocent person was punished for a crime they didn’t do are you tempted to go on a rampage? It’s not fair. We want justice.

But now, let me ask you moms…are you just as adamant about seeing to it that the wrong that your child does IS punished? It’s the other side of this proverb – “He that justifies the wicked is abomination to the Lord. “Wicked” is the description of our heart according to Jeremiah 17:9 – The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? When we overlook the wicked, sinful things our child does, God hates it.

You may think you’re innocent of this parental sin, but will you consider one more question –

What do you do when your spouse steps in to discipline the wrong your child has done?  Our protective, mothering heart wants to jump in and intervene for our child, does it not? We hate to see them get a spanking, or anything that might cause pain or hardship. It’s tempting to step in and make an excuse for them. We may suggest they be given another chance. In so doing, we are justifying the wicked! I might add that we’re also stepping into the realm of showing disrespect to our husband’s authority and demeaning his leadership in our home. At the moments when we want to stop the discipline from happening, we must think the truth – that the wickedness needs to be dealt with, or we’ll be sinning against the Lord.

I can remember times when one of our girls would push the limit and disobey, and would earn the discipline that was promised if they crossed that line. My husband would step in and send them to their room. They knew what was coming, and so did I. They went to their room, and I headed to mine – at the other end of the house. I had to remove myself from the situation in order to be able to handle it. I would go and pray for both my husband and my daughter as the discipline took place.

If you’re asking, “What if the husband is going to give unfair punishment?” I’d answer by saying, make a loving request. You can be like Daniel and ask a question PRIVATELY. Asking him a question about the discipline in front of your child is again destroying his leadership. Go into another room and talk quietly. Ask a question. “Do you think this deserves the punishment you’re giving?” “Could we pray before you spank her?” Ask sweetly, then accept whatever he decides.

Remember that the principle of disciplining the wickedness is in order to turn your child’s heart to God. This reminds them of their need for Christ. To avoid the dealing with their sin, is to keep them from seeing their own wicked heart and their need for cleansing. That in itself can help us understand why the Lord wants us to let our child bear the consequence of their sin.

Don’t become guilty yourself by justifying the wrong your child does. Instead, make sure it’s dealt with. The Lord loves that and He loves your child…even more than you do! The reward and blessing will follow!

Are you ever tempted to defend the wrong your child does? When is it hardest for you?

With love,

4 thoughts on ““Wait! Don’t Discipline Her!”

  1. Amen to this post Denise. My husband and I always presented a united front in areas of discipline with our children. It breaks my heart to hear parents arguing with each other in front of their children regarding discipline. I know it encourages the children to use that to their advantage. When I give mentoring advice at MOPs, I often remind the young moms to have any discussions in private with their husbands. In fact, it is just a matter of respect and that is so important when dealing with your spouse.


  2. Thank you for the solid, Biblical advice you give on your blog. It is refreshing to be taught/reminded of these things. So many things are lost in today’s “culture” but thanks for reminding us “younger” ladies! 🙂 ~Jess


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