How to Survive and Thrive in the Empty Nest

August 13, 2015August 25, 2015 RefreshHer5 Comments

When I first wrote the post about taking our last daughter off to college and us becoming Empty Nesters, it had just happened. I was right in the thick of it all at the time, climbing my way up the tree and flinging myself over the edge of the nest. I was weepy, happy, excited, sad, melancholy and apprehensive. Those emotions could come and go at a moment’s notice.

I’ll never forget going to church the first time after Alli was gone. I was alone in the pew. My husband was preaching and my girls were gone. It felt very empty…until the time of greeting one another. A little girl came over to me, one of my “little friends.” She wrapped her arms around my waist and squeezed me so hard. The Lord knew I needed that, and it was at that moment that He spoke to my heart and answered the question that I’d been asking Him since we’d dropped Alli off at school,

“What Now, Lord?”

The answer He spoke to my heart was to minister to younger women and girls. I knew He wanted me to pour my life into others. So I began, I believe even that week. I asked the mom of that little girl if she could come over and bake cookies with me at my home. She did – several times. I also had other children over to bake, read, and just hang out with me. Then I began with women as well, getting together to have coffee and pray, mentoring younger women using good books as our guide. The Lord just opened up so many doors and opportunities. I think I’ve stayed busier during these years than I did when my girls were home!

God answered my prayers, giving me a way to invest my life for eternity, and I love it! So, now on the other side of the Empty Nest, I can look back and remember how I got here. Let me share some practical things for you to do so you can not only survive, but thrive when you are an Empty Nester.

To stay in touch with your child, but not to smother them, send them a text each morning. Send a verse you’re praying for them, or an encouragement for their day.
Do something fun with your spouse, like getting away for a couple days, at the very beginning of the time your child leaves. It will make the break easier to deal with if you’re not staring at their empty bedroom.
Make time with your husband intentional. Do things together and enjoy the freedom you now possess! Just going out during the day when my husband made visits was special to me, because I’d home schooled for 20 years, and couldn’t do that very often. Now I had the chance to join him, and it was great! Maybe for you it will mean getting to run to Sonic after prayer meeting or doing your grocery shopping together. These years should knit your hearts together like your early days of marriage! I like the suggestion of one reader to attend a Couples’ Retreat. The Wilds or other similar Christian camps provide a beautiful setting, fun times and spiritual encouragement for your marriage.
Think on what is true – Phil. 4:8 – The Lord intended for children to grow up and leave home. This is the right thing. Don’t allow yourself to wallow in sadness. This is a new season, and one to be enjoyed.
Ask the Lord to give you a new ministry; something that will count for eternity. You now have extra time on your hands; use it wisely. Is there a child at church you could pour your life into? Does a young mom need encouragement? Who needs the Gospel that you could do a Bible Study with so that you might share the Good News? Is there a ministry at church you now have time for?
Relish the time to dig deep into God’s Word. If you are able to stay home during the Empty Nest Years, as I have, you’ll enjoy extra time to do Bible studies, pray and work on Scripture memory. Determine to make this a spiritually rich season of your life. You’ll have plenty stored in your heart for the times when you may be tempted to be down or sad about your children being gone. Let your Heavenly Father teach you and draw you nearer to His heart.

We missed our girls, but we did indeed have so much fun when the Empty Nest happened that I believe Alli got a little offended! That’s not really a bad thing. Our lives need to be focused first on the Lord, next on our mate, THEN on our children.

To you young moms, keep your husband first right now, so when your children fly from the nest, you won’t be strangers with that man sitting across the table from you at dinner. It will happen sooner than you think! And when it does happen, you two will be so in love, there will be a twinkle in your eye just behind those tears! Don’t just survive, thrive!

From my empty, but contented nest,

College Send-Offs and a Parent’s Heart

August 11, 2015August 7, 2015 RefreshHer13 Comments

The month of August brings the resuming of college classes. Anyone sending one of your children off to their first year of college? I remember facing that heart-wrenching time when both of our girls left home to further their education. It was tough, but the Lord ministered to my heart so wonderfully, and I blogged about it when it happened with Alli. I recently found that post, and wondered if it would be helpful to share again. Here it is:

This weekend found us moving our daughter to college. Whew! Thank the Lord for a mini van!

As she sat in the floor of her room packing the last of her belongings the night before leaving, she got a bit emotional about the transition that was in front of her. I understood – my emotions have been in my throat for a week. I’m so happy for her, yet it’s just unbelievable that this time has come so quickly. I’ve gone back and forth – happy, then melancholy; excited, then fearful.

God knows what we need before we do. Yesterday morning in the church service we attended, a song was sung by the choir with the pastor singing the verses as a solo. The song? Consider the Lilies. I love the song; our family has sung it in church with one daughter at the piano, the other on her violin accompanying my husband and me. Remembering us singing it recently made it special. But the words were a sweet reminder that I can trust my God for the care of my younger daughter at college. She’s young, she’s new at college life, but He is aware of where she is and what she needs and I can trust Him – especially when I consider the lilies… Matthew 6:27-29

God also gave me a wise husband who planned for us to get away to the beach after taking our daughter to college. He suggested that we take some vacation time, before going back home. How smart that was! We prayed and the Lord has provided a lovely condo at an extremely reasonable rate. Here’s the view out our patio window…

As I had my devotions recently I read Ecclesiastes 3:1 –

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”

Immediately the Lord brought to my mind that there is also a purpose for every time. How I long to use this season of my life to honor the Lord. It would be very easy to live for myself now that I have more free time, but I want it to count for eternity. I’m asking the Lord for the purpose of this season, and I pray that this week while we’re away He’ll show me a bit of what that may be.

How wonderful it is to relax after a very busy summer. So for now I’ll rest…and consider the lilies.

Consider The Lilies
Written by: Joel Hemphill

Verse I
Consider the lilies they don’t toil nor spin
And there’s not a king with more splendor than them
Consider the sparrow they don’t plant or sow
But they’re fed by the Master who watches them grow

Chorus

We have a Heavenly Father above
With eyes full of mercy
And a heart full of love
He really cares when
Your head is bowed low
Consider the lilies and then you will know

Verse II

Now may I introduce you to this friend of mine
Who hangs out the stars and tells the sun when to shine
And kisses the flowers each morning with dew
But He’s not too busy to care about you

I pray that if you’re sending a child off to school, or one of your children has left to get married, or whatever the case may be, you’ll be encouraged that God is aware and He cares for them – and for you! If you need proof, just consider the lilies.

with love,

children · Parenting

Is Your Child’s Education Your Idol?

August 6, 2015August 25, 2015 RefreshHer4 Comments

In my recent Bible club with my little students next door, I taught them the second commandment –

You shall not make unto thee any graven image.

In other words – Don’t worship idols! But I needed to establish in their hearts what an idol is. I used this definition that I heard on a radio message –

“An idol is anything I love, trust, serve or fear more than God.”

Now, if you’re a mom with children in school, will you look at the definition above and ask yourself if your child’s education has become an idol to you? We gasp and say, “But education IS important! If my child fails, he’ll never make anything of himself! How will he ever have a career? I HAVE to push him and make sure he gets good grades!” Please hear me – I’m not suggesting that you allow your child to be lazy or flunk out of fifth grade because he’d rather play baseball! But I’d like for us to consider five ways you make your child’s education more than just important, but an idol in your life:

It becomes the first priority in your home. In other words, your church attendance and participation, your schedule and extra-curricular activities all revolve around school. If there’s a test to study for, or homework to do, it comes first. You will skip church to make time for them to work on school. It’s an idol.
You talk to your child more about his grades, homework and lessons more than you talk to him about God and His Word. It’s an idol.
You fear what will happen if he fails or does poorly more than you fear him not doing the will of God for his life. It’s an idol.
You’re devoted to him getting good grades so he can make a good living, rather than him loving God and seeking His will – whatever that may be. It’s an idol.
You talk to others about your child’s achievements in their education more than you talk about their obedience to God’s Word and ways. It’s an idol.

So, how are you doing? Did these questions reveal any truth about an idol in your heart regarding education? You can trust God with your child’s education and with their future! Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you! Matthew 6:33

Lovingly,

Family life · Parenting

Finishing Out the Summer Without Boredom!

July 28, 2015August 25, 2015 RefreshHer2 Comments

Maybe summer vacation is over for you, but if your children are still out of school, why not make sure these last few weeks are full of fun?! Don’t let the boredom bug bite them (or you!). Keep things hopping and full of great activities while they can enjoy the beauty of summertime!

Here are some ideas to get you started:

Don’t forget some of the good ol’ standby summer fun things. Such as:

Hopscotch on the driveway
Hula hoops
Sprinkler or water hose jump rope
Cardboard boxes – find a refrigerator box and let the kids make a playhouse or puppet stage.
Make Popsicles
Play hide and seek just as it’s getting dark. Use flashlights to tag!
Don’t forget the library. There are so many fun things to do there!
Wash bicycles in the driveway. Spruce them up with crepe paper and streamers!
Bowl in the driveway with water bottles as the pins.
Make a fort outside.
Put a blanket out under a shady tree and have lunch.
Go to Sonic for half price beverages from 2-4! Take a book to read while sipping!
Have a late night “pajama run” to get ice cream. After the children have just gotten into bed, go through the house calling, “Pajama run! Pajama run! Everyone in the car!” Go through the drive through at Dairy Queen or McDonald’s and enjoy a sweet treat while everyone’s (well, the kids) in their p.j.’s!
Go out and catch fireflies after dark.
Go to the Farmer’s market and buy fresh produce.

Here’s another post with ideas and links.

What great ideas could you add to this list?

Loving summer,

Parenting

But I Don’t Like This!

September 19, 2013July 19, 2015 RefreshHer2 Comments

I have an adorable picture of my kitty, Liza, sitting in front of a door, staring at it, just like the picture above. It was taken just this past weekend. You see, she spends her nights in the laundry room. On Sunday morning, I let her out and then she happily followed me into the bathroom while I got ready for church. She was delighted to be out of the laundry room and with someone! She purred and could have done a commercial for Happy Cat, until I closed the door to keep her inside. When she realized that she was now behind another closed door, she began meowing, and peeking under the door. Then sat down and stared, as if her gaze alone could magically cause it to open.

What would have happened if I would have let Liza out and then closed the door behind her? Yep, she would have wanted back in. I think it’s called discontentment! It’s one thing in a pet, it’s a whole other monster when it is seen in a child!

Description of a discontented child:

If they’re at home, they want to go somewhere.
If they’re in the car traveling, they want out.
If it’s summer vacation they want to know when school will be back in session.
If they’re in school, they begin counting down the days until vacation.
If you fix spaghetti, they want hot dogs.
If you grill out at the picnic, they want Italian food.

On and on it goes until a parent can be driven to locking themselves in the laundry room with the cat! What is a parent to do?

Stop the child when they begin to complain. Tell them they can say good things about what is happening right now, but if they complain, they may not talk for a certain time limit, say ten minutes. Then they may only speak again if they can do so without complaining. Stick to your guns!
Ask the child to tell you three things they can thank God for about their current situation of staying home, being in the car, being on vacation, etc.
Have them memorize verses on complaining and thankfulness. Phil. 2:4, I Thess. 5:18, Psalm 100.
Teach songs about thankfulness. If the child starts to complain, have them go to their room and sing your thankfulness song out loud. (They’re spreading their complaints out loud, why not share the song too?!)

No one enjoys being around a complainer. Adults, we need to make sure they’re not hearing complaints from us. The weather, having to go to work, how long the church service lasted…all need to be met with a heart of gratitude that our child can learn from. Let’s set the example!

Do you have a method you use to curtail discontentment?

On to today’s Challenge:

Pastor Encouragement: Pray that your pastor will make wise lifestyle choices in order to protect his health, especially in areas of exercising, eating moderately, and getting sufficient rest. Pray for times of relaxation and renewal to balance the stress of ministry.

Husband Encouragement: Let’s get practical here. Is your husband a good lover? Have you told him so? Be specific. Let him know when he pleases you. Most husbands genuinely want to please their wives, especially in this important area of marriage. Realize that your husband wants intimacy with you . . . his desire is toward you.

Thanks for stopping by today!

With love,