Category: Parenting

Parenting

Deal With It!

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Recently as I was going through my prayer journal and praying for friends, I prayed for a family with a pre-teen son.  These are kind of hard days at their house.  Attitudes aren’t always what they’d hope they would be (wouldn’t we LOVE it if our children were compliant every single day?!).  I prayed for the child.  I prayed more for his parents.  I asked the Lord to give them strength, encouragement and a continued love for this child and this time in his life, and for endurance for them when his attitude crops up, that they will know how to deal with it.

 

I’m pretty sure there is no family that doesn’t go through some turbulence at one time or another during the teen years.  It’s normal.  I remember feeling at times like all was lost – but it wasn’t, and we all survived.  Every parent needs to remind themselves that children go through stages, and while they need to deal with the problems as they pop up, if they stay on their knees and keep a right heart, it really will be okay.

Can I go back and repeat something in that last paragraph?  They need to deal with the problems as they pop up.  Parents can’t ignore an issue, just because it seems to be a normal thing kids go through.  We may say,

“Every toddler has temper tantrums.”  “Every home-schooler has issues not wanting to do their school work.”  “Every teenager rebels”, so I’ll just let it go.  We all did those things, didn’t we? “

BUT if you ignore it, you’re only asking for a child who will be self-willed, demanding of their own way all their life, and who will never submit to the will of their loving God who has great plans for their life!

All we need to do is look at Eli in the book of Samuel.  He let his sons go on doing their sinful acts, and the situation only escalated for him and his sons alike!  Can we say DEATH?  Yes, the Lord ended their lives, due to their sinfulness and rebellion.

The Scriptures admonish parents to teach, teach, teach.  You’ll feel like a broken record, but it’s your job.  This doesn’t mean nagging.  Nagging is talk with no action until anger is stirred.  Teaching your child is instructing them how to do something, even giving an explanation of how and why.  Give a time limit.  Then expect follow-through.  You check up on the child.  If it hasn’t been done, then discipline follows.  You explain again and repeat the process, expecting obedience.  Maybe something like this:

  • “Joey, it’s 7:30, and you need to get up and be at the breakfast table by 8:00.  Please come dressed and ready for school with your bed made and your room picked up.”
  • At 8:00 when breakfast is served and there is no Joey is at the table, you go to his room and find he has rolled over and gone back to sleep.  You (calmly) wake him up and stand there while you ask him to get up right then.  Remind him of the request, and then let him know that because he disobeyed, he will go to bed 30 minutes earlier tonight since it seems like he didn’t get enough sleep.  Also for the time it takes him to get dressed, make his bed and clean up his room, he will miss out on some activity later in the day.

You must expect obedience and then mete out discipline for the lack of it.  The same would go with a temper tantrum or “meltdown.”  It might be normal for a child, but it should not allowed.  Don’t make excuses for them.  Deal with it consistently.

No parent should lose heart if they are dealing with sinful attitudes and actions in their child’s life – even if it has to be done over and over.  The time to lose heart is when you’ve given in to their sinful behaviors.  Don’t be an Eli and turn your head away.  Be a parent who loves your child enough to teach them what is right according to God’s Word. Then keep reminding yourself that if you deal with it consistently, it will pass, so don’t give up!

Does this make sense to you?  Is there a question that pops up when you read this?  Feel free to leave a comment!

Cheering you on,

children · Parenting · Uncategorized

Hope for the Parent of a Prodigal

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On Monday morning when I was having my Quiet time, I was thanking the Lord for the blessings of the day before.  My heart was full of the joy of seeing Andrew continue to follow the Lord’s leading in his life, and then my thoughts went to Alli, his wife, and our daughter.  Yes, I thought about her standing beside him Sunday, tears puddling in her eyes.  I remembered the pride and the awe that glowed from her expressions, but there was something far deeper that came to my heart as I prayed on Monday morning.

My heart and mind went back to Alli’s mid to late teen years.  I have a clear memory of kneeling beside her bed one night, asking her to tell me the assurance of her salvation.  Due to attitudes, actions and heart responses, it was obvious that she was distant from the Lord.  My mother’s heart wondered if it was because she wasn’t truly saved, or if it was due to the fact that her heart had become cold; that she was backslidden.  That night she told me of her salvation as a child, and knew in her heart it was anchored in God’s promises to save her if she would call on Him.  That was good to hear, but it was obvious that things weren’t right, that she wasn’t really living and enjoying the relationship with the God who came to seek and save her.

My husband and I continued to pray.  Every time we had a service I’d pray she would get right.  Every time she attended a revival, I was looking for that to be her day to return to a close walk with the Lord. But still she resisted and I waited, and in truth, I wondered why the Lord  wasn’t answering my prayers.  I knew He wanted her to draw near to Him, but I couldn’t see anything happening, and my heart was so very heavy.

Her cool heart revealed itself by apathy towards spiritual things.    There were attitudes and sighs and shrugging of the shoulders, an unconcern about others and a centering of her thoughts on self.  John writes that

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. III John 4

While there is no greater joy, I doubt there is any greater sorrow than for a parent to see their child not walking in truth.
But what I didn’t see was what the Lord was doing in her heart.  I didn’t see the future issues that He would bring that would humble her and make her so needy for what only He could do.

But it did happen! It didn’t take place overnight or in one mighty swoop. It happened little by little. There was a gradual turning of her heart, a realization that true life is only found in Christ. I would hear it in the same way I’d seen the coldness – her attitudes, her words, her actions. There was a tenderness and a care for others, a desire to be in His Word and with His people. God answered by bringing other people into her life, hard situations, and the preaching of the Word. But I couldn’t see its gradual creeping into her life. It was like the snow clouds gathering, unbeknownst to us, then we awaken to three inches on the ground. It was happening all along while we were busy with other matters.

The God of the snow is the God of our children. He is sovereign. He cares and He is at work. I don’t share this story to embarrass Alli, but to give hope to many parents who are burdened for their children. I know Alli’s heart would want to encourage you as well. Don’t quit praying. Don’t wonder where God is and when He will answer. He is eternal, therefore, time doesn’t matter to Him. What I didn’t understand at the time was that the Lord was wanting to teach me as much as He wanted to teach Alli. I learned about His character better in those years than I would have otherwise. The hard part for parents is that we can see the prodigal. We can hear their sarcasm and denials, but we cannot see what God is doing, and so we doubt. In truth, as I thanked the Lord on Monday for the work He’d done in my daughter’s life, those years of praying seemed very short. While I prayed and waited, it seemed like an eternity, but it wasn’t. God worked perfectly in all regards, as He will always do because He is a perfect God.

So, mom, keep praying. Keep trusting your sovereign, eternal God. He is at work. One day you’ll be on your knees, tears of joy streaming down your face for how wonderfully he has answered! He is at work. Trust Him even when you cannot see.

With tears of joy,

Christian growth · Family life · Husband · Marriage · Parenting · Pastor

The Most Popular Posts of the Year

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Top ten lists are always fun and informative.  When I look into the stats here, it helps me to know what to write and what areas women enjoy reading.

I recently enjoyed taking a look into my blog to see what RefreshHer’s top ten posts of 2015 were. Let’s have a drum roll and I’ll show you which posts made it into this year’s most popular!

When was the last time someone read “The Little Gingerbread Man” to you?!

#10  This post told Why I went to the Altar again Last Sunday.  Do you remember why?!

#9 The Topic of Conversational Respect was a marriage post that needs to be practiced by each of us wives. How are you doing at this?

#8 Using Mother’s Day as a Measuring Stick told about a trap many mom’s fall into.  The result is not pretty.

#7 Living With the Fear of Getting Caught is a partly funny story on myself;  the lesson I learned is the other part.

#6 Watch Your Step was a post written by a guest and my dear friend, Kellie.  Her insight of walking in “muck” touched all of our hearts.

#5 What you Don’t Know about Infertility was a post written to inform unsuspecting people who feel the need to say something to couples who have no children.

#4 The Best Date that Costs Nothing was close to the top, reminding me that people want help with their marriage and practical ways that will keep things fun!

#3 How To Tell if a Child Is Ready To Be Saved was read by a host of parents who are grappling with what to do with their child who keeps wanting to ask Jesus into their life.  I pray this post has sealed the answer in not only the child’s heart, but their parent’s.

#2‘s post was, How To Refresh Your Pastor.  If you’ve forgotten to pray fervently for your pastor who is fighting great spiritual battles for his congregetation, I trust you’ll hurry over and reread this post so you can be a blessing to this man who gives so much of himself for the Gospel’s sake!

And now for the most read post of 2015..

#1 I must have lots of frustrated parents reading my blog, because the best post of the year was, Training Your Preschooler To Sit in Church!  So, how’s it going?  Do you need a bit of a refresher course?  The key is being consistent with the ideas I shared.

Let me just tell you how much I appreciate each of you who take time out of your day to read my blog.  Thank you.  I pray that I can encourage and refresh your heart, home and life and encourage you to stay faithful in your walk with God.  Being His child is the best life!

Thanks again for encouraging me in another year of blogging!

Is there a topic you’d like to see addressed in this next year?  Leave a comment and let me know!

With love,

 

Parenting

Developing Thankfulness in Your Child’s Heart – Part 2

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There’s hardly a day that passes that I don’t stop and thank the Lord for the gift of my home. You see, I prayed for ten years that the Lord would provide a house that was our own; one that would allow us to serve Him as we served others, where we could hold lots of people, and also a home in which we could build some equity. Now, here we are! It’s such a blessing because we waited what seemed to be a fairly long time. It’s God’s wonderful gift to us, and we are so thankful!  I can also say,  it was worth the wait!

As parents who want to build thankfulness in their child’s heart, I believe it’s wise to follow our heavenly Father’s example and sometimes let our child wait to receive the thing that they’re desiring. Our society today has the attitude of, “I-must-have-it-now!”. We’re not willing to wait for a hamburger, much less a pair of jeans or a car!

Proverbs 13:19 says, “The desire accomplished is sweet to the soul.”

It’s a greater blessing and causes greater gratitude when we have to wait for something. A child will be more thankful for a toy, the bike or the new outfit if they’ve

  • prayed about it – Asked God for His will in this
  • saved for it – To help cover the expense
  • waited upon it – Because the first two take time!

So, even if you have the means to grant every desire of your child’s, if you want them to learn to be really thankful, apply the principle of Waiting makes you more thankful, and you will be helping your child to develop a grateful heart!

What do you have from the Lord that you had to wait for?

With love,

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Parenting

Creating a Thankful Heart

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Give thanks

I recently read a story about a man who rescued many people from a freezing lake after their ship had suffered a puncture.  He dove in the icy waters again and again, rescuing victim after victim.  His heroic efforts cost him his own health, forcing him to use a wheel chair for most of his life after the rescues.  Years later, someone asked him what he remembered most about that time.  “Not one person thanked me for saving them.”

My jaw dropped when I read that!  I would imagine that any person would be so overwhelmed with gratitude that they would tell him how grateful they were!  It reminded me of the ten lepers Jesus healed, and that only one returned to give thanks.

It makes me take a look at my own life and wonder if I have gratitude for all God has done for me.  As parents, don’t we desire that our children are thankful?  We say things to them like,

“Tell the nice man thank you for the sticker.”

“What do you say for the candy?”

“Say thank you to your sister for sharing her toys with you.”

We say these things in hopes that they’ll develop  gratitude, but how do we create in them a thankful heart?  Let me suggest:

  1. Model a thankful spirit.  Saying things such as, “I’m so thankful for a beautiful day for our picnic!” Or “”I prayed about that and God answered!  I’m so thankful He hears me!”  Colossians 3:15 As a friend of mine shared yesterday, we should also be thankful for the rainy days, the plans that were changed, or the needs that arise.  From a thankful heart we can say, “God knows what is best, and I’m thankful I can trust in Him for this.”

  2. Remind your children of God’s goodness.  Remind them that everything we have is from God.  James 1:17 – Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above.  Remind them to thank the Lord for the food, the new friend, the good friend at church, the money to purchase new jeans, and the birthday gifts because they are all due to His goodness – not anything we did or deserve.

  3. Point them to thank the people God uses to provide and teach them how to tell them thank you.

    I recently sent some cake home with a friend at church.  The very next service I received a note from each of the school-aged children.  They both wrote to tell me how much they enjoyed it and to say thank you!

    Don’t let a flippant “thanks” be enough – teach your child to say thank you verbally, but also to write their thanks.  The notes I received were great reminders of what a note of thanks should contain:

    1. A brief but specific description of what was done/given.
    2. Why the receiver appreciated it.
    3. Thanks for their kindness.
    4. If you want to go the extra mile, they could add a verse that describes what the giver did!  One of my note writers added a verse to their card, and that was really touching!

Let’s have thankful hearts that our children can emulate.  As followers of Jesus, we were saved from far more than icy waters, and we should have thankful spirits that are evident by our words and actions!

With thanks to you for reading today,

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