Tag: Lasting Marriage

Five Gentle Reflections After 40+ years of Marriage
Marriage · Uncategorized

Five Gentle Reflections After 40+ years of Marriage

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After more than forty years of marriage I’ve learned that

  1. I will never be finished working on my marriage! Having a happy, fulfilling marriage where Christ is exalted, requires that we work on our marriage every.single.day. Yesterday I was intentional in pouring into our relationship with little things – I fixed Dale’s breakfast and took it to his study where he was having his Bible reading. I put toothpaste on his toothbrush when I put it on my own. I left him a note at the bathroom sink to thank him for something he did this week that pushed our family to the Lord. All these were small things, but they were investments.
  2. I must be in God’s Word and prayer each day. Without this time, I would be operating in my flesh, and trust me, that’s not pretty! As I read Proverbs 19 yesterday I read that the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping. The rain was coming down when I read that, so I had a visual of what my “drippy complaints” and grumbling look like in my marriage! God’s Word convicts, guides, instructs and teaches me how to live in my marriage. My prayer time gives me a place to take my concerns. I have a choice to leave them at the Savior’s feet, rather than slinging them at my husband! Jesus is the only One Who can remedy the issues, so I know wisdom is to take them to Him! My heart that has been refreshed in God’s Word, serves to refresh our whole home!
  3. My presence sets the tone for our home. I’ve found that turning on soft instrumental music, lighting a candle, and having a cheery disposition (See point 2!), and other touches that create an inviting atmosphere makes a difference in how our home operates! It also helps Dale’s attitude when his wife is hopeful, happy and helpful to him!
  4. Treat every day like it’s our last, because one day it will be. I often fall into bed exhausted and as I am drifting off to sleep I ‘ll have the thought – “We didn’t kiss goodnight yet!” Then I’ll reach over and we kiss goodnight, pray and then sleep peacefully. I don’t want to miss the opportunity to say “I love you” before he leaves the house, to hold hands in the car or take his arm as we walk. These are gifts each day, and I don’t want to neglect them!
  5. Dale will never meet my every expectation, but Jesus does! That means I can let that hope go! He can’t read my mind, know my needs or supply each one! Psalm 62:5 has been in my mind often when I “feel like he owes me something!” He doesn’t – because he’s not my savior – Jesus is!

I pray these five reflections will help refresh your marriage today, too!

Marriage · traditions

Create New Christmas Traditions for a Stronger Marriage

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Last year my husband and I went to a bed and breakfast in Pigeon Forge for a little get-away. It was so refreshing that before leaving, we booked it for this year. We had all year to look forward to this mini vacation. That was half of the fun!

It seems like a crazy time to leave home with Christmas a week away, but honestly, it was a blessing. We had time to enjoy the beauty of the decorations in Pigeon Forge and Dollywood, as well as the B&B. We were able to take a breath before the busyness of hosting family and making final preparations. We were able to focus on our relationship and just spend time together. It was wonderful – hence the reason we decided we would return again this year.

And so, last week we enjoyed two nights away at this lovely, restful place. This is Blue Mountain Mist Bed and Breakfast. It’s minutes away from the bustling, tourist area, but far enough away to be quiet and serene.

They serve a hearty and delicious breakfast every morning for their guests. It’s always served on Christmas dishes in December, and the menu is also related to the holiday. One morning we had Chocolate/Peppermint pancakes, along with an egg casserole and fresh fruit. So good!

The hosts are so accommodating and gracious. The rooms are super clean and decorated for Christmas. In the evening they set out seasonal homemade treats for their guests. You certainly don’t go hungry!

We enjoyed our dessert in front of the fireplace one night – perfect for the cold night that it was!

Our time away gave us time to chat, pray together, and enjoy rest while not ministering with D&D, but gearing up to begin again in January. While sharing dinner together one night away I asked Dale if there was a new Christmas tradition we should start. He immediately said, “Yes, coming here each December.” I LOVED that suggestion!

Does it seem crazy that a couple married 44 1/2 years would decide to begin a new tradition? Not if we each understand that to keep a marriage fresh, you have to work at not getting in a rut. Beginning a new Christmas tradition, a new birthday or anniversary tradition keeps things fun and romantic! Starting a new schedule or a new date idea could be just thing a marriage needs to make it special again.

Going to Dollywood on a freezing cold night might seem ridiculous, but when you bundle up, and stay close together, you make a memory that’s worth keeping! We’ve decided we don’t want to grow old “grumpily!” As long as the Lord will give us health and energy, our desire is to enjoy this gift of marriage while we can. If we’re to show the Gospel in our marriage, it should reflect the joy that our relationship with Christ brings.

So how about you? Could you add something new to freshen up your marriage relationship? Could you begin a new tradition even this week of Christmas? Consider:

  • A drive with just the two of you, to look at lights and a stop at Dunkin for donuts and hot chocolate.
  • A small gift exchanged in front of the tree each night this week.
  • Filling stockings for each other.
  • Christmas breakfast out somewhere on Christmas Eve.
  • A special night away the week after Christmas.
  • Watch a Christmas movie in Christmas PJ’s
  • Read a Christmas devotional or part of the Christmas story each morning at breakfast.
  • Write a love letter to each other, expressing thanks for something from this past year.
  • Finish your Christmas baking together.
  • Do a gift of service together for someone in need.

No matter how long you’ve been married, a new tradition might be just the thing to add some freshness and deepen your relationship. I hope you’ll add something new! I’d love to hear about your ideas! Leave a comment about what you’d love to try to do!

Have a wonderful Christmas celebrating the Greatest Gift – the Lord Jesus Christ!

🎄

Packing for the Journey of Marriage, Part 3
Marriage · podcast

Packing for the Journey of Marriage, Part 3

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As we continue packing for the journey of marriage, it’s time to tuck away four more essentials into our suitcase – qualities that will not only make the trip smoother, but full of joy! You can listen to this post here on Refresh Her podcast.

7. The seventh item we need to pack away is a good disposition – Why do you need this? Because a spirit can drive our husband away. Here’s what Scripture says:

Continue reading “Packing for the Journey of Marriage, Part 3” →
Packing for the Journey of Marriage
Marriage

Packing for the Journey of Marriage

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You can listen to this post here on Refresh Her podcast. (There appears to have been some kind of strange glitch in the upload today, and I’ve tried to repost the episode. If it has my voice doubled over the introduction, just fast forward about 25 seconds and the rest should be clear. So strange!)

There’s nothing like packing for a trip, only to arrive at your destination to find that you left something important behind. When you got married, you had “packed your luggage” – not just for your honeymoon. You had filled your fiancé’s life with what you both felt would get you through this journey of marriage. What brought you together? Something had to have been “packed and ready ”between you and your mate.  What was it?  What attracted you to your spouse?  What kind of fun did you have in those early days?  Have you revisited those memories lately?

In Genesis 24, we get a little picture of the beginning of Isaac and Rebekah’s marriage.  There were many attributes packed into Rebekah’s character that Isaac could admire. Their story has some great lessons for our marriages and reminders of the things we need to be sure to bring along all the years we are married.

Continue reading “Packing for the Journey of Marriage” →
Marriage · Refreshment in marriage

Making a Marriage Last, Part 2

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Last week I shared some of the many ways my husband demonstrates his love to me. Not only is it a great blessing to me, it’s also a nudge to me to keep my own demonstrations active each day we’re married. I promised I would share at least five more ways he demonstrates his love towards me – gestures that make a marriage strong and lasting. So, let’s go!

Yep, these roses were a recent gift from my sweet husband.
  1. He protects me. Last week while I was taking my morning walk, I called him, alarmed at a car driving slowly up and down my country lane. Minutes later he sent me a text, “You okay?” When I didn’t answer within 30 seconds, he called me to ask the same question. He doesn’t smother me, but he lovingly protects me with gestures that remind me I’m not alone in life.
  2. He reminds me that he wants to spend time with me. Recently we realized that our mornings were getting consumed without us getting to spend time together first thing in the day. He asked if we could rearrange our morning routines so we could have that time together before the day got too busy. Wow, that spoke volumes to my heart. After 39 years, he still wants to spend quality time together!
  3. He still enjoys just having fun together. We play games, sing love songs in the car, ride bikes, go on picnics, hold hands while walking, share our meals together at the table, talk and share our hearts, enjoy a sappy movie, and laugh lots.
  4. He is such a servant leader. He constantly takes a back seat to his own needs so he can serve me. No matter how I refuse or want him to put himself and his own needs first, he always serves me first. He seats me at the table, opens the car door for me, brings me my morning coffee, carries anything I have in my hands, makes sure I have breakfast, the best seat, or whatever the pressing need is at the moment.
  5. He points me to our Heavenly Father. This is truly the greatest way to keep a marriage strong. Without the Lord, any marriage is weak because we’re depending on our own flesh. So every day Dale guides me spiritually. He shares what he is reading, what he’s praying for me and others, and he lives out personally what he talks about. He has shown me so much about how to live the Christian life with boldness and joy. He has helped me grow towards Christ in incredible ways.

Not only am I thankful for my husband’s loving demonstrations, I’m rebuked by them. I often say, “I don’t do nearly as much for you as you do for me.” Trying to out-do your spouse in loving gestures is a good thing and a good way to make your marriage last!

What could you do this weekend as a simple reminder to your spouse of your love for him?