Marriage

Extraodinary Acts on the Ordinary Days of Marriage

February 3, 2015March 13, 2015 RefreshHer8 Comments

Wow, my Pinterest feed is full of Valentine ideas! While I love a heart-shaped box of candy, a cake or cookie as much as the next sweet tooth, I think it would serve our marriages well if we’d be lots more intentional about the other 364 days of our marriage.

One love-filled day may be romantic and fun, but it’s not what makes a great marriage. The best marriages are made up of all the little things on the ordinary days. It’s all the small stuff we did before and in the early years of marriage that keeps the romance in the relationship. Consider…

Iron his handkerchief and spray it with a little of your cologne.
The wink from across the room
The message (text or Facebook) sent to say why you’re thankful for him
The intentional stopping to listen when he is speaking
Sitting shoulder to shoulder while he watches that game you could care less about
His favorite snack or treat left with a little card beside it ~ just because
Warming his towel in the dryer while he was in the shower on a cold winter morning
Turning the sheets and bedspread down before he goes to bed
Setting the table with candles for even a simple winter breakfast before he leaves for work
Meeting him at the door when he gets home
Buying a book you can read together before you go to sleep
Arranging an evening alone with him
Holding his hand in the car

Your marriage is God’s gift to you every day, not just on Valentine’s. You knew that when you met that guy you fell in love with! So, what will you do today to keep the romance going?

Keep your marriage refreshed!

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Marriage

Taking a Wardrobe Challenge

January 15, 2015January 20, 2015 RefreshHer1 Comment

There are tons of fashion blogs out there, and this isn’t one of them. =) I’ve never promoted myself as a fashion-ista, because I’m not one. But I’m posting here today to tell you that I’ve taken a wardrobe challenge. Why? Because part of the mission of my blog is to refresh you in your marriage. Dressing in a way that is pleasing to our husband can refresh your marriage. It tells your husband that you want to look good in his eyes.

A wardrobe challenge bumps us into the realm of putting a little more effort into what we wear. It causes us to put an outfit together, and in so doing, put ourselves together. That’s in opposition of throwing something on, which is easy and most times pretty boring and, dare I say it…unattractive.

Is it wrong for a Christian woman to put effort and thought into her wardrobe? Um, no. As a matter of fact, it’s wise. Let’s give the right opinion of our God. He was the Creator of the first official clothing, was He not? He is a God of order and beauty. That being said, our dress should be lovely, appropriate, and put together.

Sooo, this week I took a challenge. It’s a wardrobe challenge. There’s a fashion blog named, interestingly enough, Putting me together. It takes time to be put together, doesn’t it? But it is a necessary part of our day. The author of the blog gave a challenge this week to style a dress. I decided to join the challenge and wear a dress on these cold winter days that I bought when it was summertime. You don’t have to spend lots of money to dress nicely. Just remixing some pieces you already have can double your wardrobe!

So here’s how I styled a summer dress to wear this week during some pretty cold weather:

I found this short-sleeved dress at Charming Charlie’s this summer and wore it then withno jacket, a simple, thin scarf, bare legs and red flats.

Here I styled it with a red belt, warm scarf, denim jacket, tights and brown boots.

I wore this on a busy Tuesday when I made hospital visits with my husband, ran errands and then had my Bible Club for my neighbor kids. I was comfortable and warm all day! Wearing a dress in winter is very doable! It was also noticed by my husband, which was part of my motivation!

If you don’t stop to really consider what you wear each day, can I challenge you to take a little time to do just that? Run over to the link to the fashion blog and get a few ideas. She’s got some creative suggestions. Let your husband know you care, simply by “putting yourself together.”

Would you ever consider a wardrobe challenge?

With love,

Marriage

What Could Others See In Your Marriage?

November 6, 2013July 14, 2015 RefreshHerLeave a comment

Yesterday I shared six things a couple might do that make it obvious to those around them that they truly love one another and are working at having an above average marriage. Today I want to discuss each of those things in a little more detail – just so we’re on the same page.

The suggestion were:

Be affectionate – By this I’m not saying you do things in public that make other people uncomfortable. I’m talking about simple gestures of affection. Such as placing your hand on your husband’s arm or shoulder, or him with his arm around you when you’re seated. This isn’t a death lock, just an arm behind you. You don’t want people behind you to be uncomfortable! Hold hands when you walk or ride in the car.
Giving each other a “look.” It’s a “just for him” kind of look. It’s a wink. A head tilted to the side and eyes sparkly.
Kissing hello and goodbye. This is pretty self-explanatory, but often neglected. We may kiss the air as we head out the door, but that just doesn’t cut it! If you’re with others in public when saying hi or bye, you can still share a kiss without making a huge PDA.
Talking positively about the other. I’m truly not a fan of displaying my love for my husband on social media. I don’t think it’s necessary to let the world know how crazy I am about him by shouting it out. If I’m doing exactly what this post is saying, others will know I love him. I am saying, however, that we need to be careful to speak about him in a positive light when we’re in conversation with others. It’s easy to get into the negative vibes about our mate, but we wouldn’t want him airing all our bad traits, so we need to guard our lips. I like to share with others how Dale has helped me, what a challenge he is to me spiritually or how he takes such good care of me. If we can “slide it into our conversation” it will let him and others know in a subtle way why we value him.
Reminisce about fun times. I love to remember fun things we’ve done as a couple. “Remember that date we took to…” Or “I loved the time we…” all tend to keep things on a positive note. What does “We never…” do to a husband? It tears him down. Pull out pictures of fun times in the past and reminisce. From there you can make suggestions to make some more great memories!
Take care of one another. I’m not talking about being his mother, but his wife. Be on the lookout for how you can come to your husband’s aid. Does he need something in town that you could pick up? His dry cleaning? His favorite soap for the shower? Offer to run the errand for him. Does a sport coat need a button sewn back on? Is his dirty laundry piling up? Take care of it. Does he need an idea for an event coming up? Help him research the topic. Is he struggling with a problem in his job? Stop and pray with him. Take care of his needs…all of them. Take it from there.

Marriage is a blessing. I pray you’re working each day to demonstrate to your husband and to others watching how much you care for the man God gave you. When we love them the way we should, we are putting God on display! There’s something different about that warm, sweet godly affection of two believers who have come together for life. Why not show the world?!

With love,

Marriage

The Missing Ingredient

October 3, 2013July 14, 2015 RefreshHerLeave a comment

This past Tuesday night ended a four week long marriage session that we held here in our home. It was entitled, “Marriage Matters,” because marriage matters! I loved that there were newlyweds up to folks married 38 years that came each week. It says so much that they would take a whole month and spend every Tuesday night working on their marriage.

It tells their spouse that they care enough about their marriage to put all else aside so they can make their marriage even better.
It tells their children that they want to make the most of their relationship and in so doing, provide a stronger home for them.
It tells their God that they are desiring to honor the vows they made to Him on their wedding day, and are doing whatever it takes to make their marriage work.

On the last night we gathered, we talked about the things that come into a marriage that cause distance – things like: busy schedules, children, in-laws, pets, work, phone calls, unconfessed sin, and hobbies. At one point one of the wives mentioned that flirting goes by the wayside. Flirting…that thing you did when you were dating. It’s the little teasing, the playfulness that was a part of your time together. It seems that after the wedding, it’s easy to get used to being married and we don’t flirt anymore!

Did you know there is mention of flirting in the Bible? In Genesis 26:8 we read: And it came to pass, when he had been there a long time, that Abimelech king of the Philistines looked out at a window, and saw, and, behold, Isaac was sporting with Rebekah his wife. Sporting is flirting. Isaac was flirting with his wife Rebekah! They got caught by the king! When was the last time your kids “caught you” flirting with their daddy? That should happen frequently. In case you’ve forgotten how, what can you do to flirt with your spouse?

Sit in his lap.
Put your arms around him and embrace him sweetly when he walks in the door.
Give him a lingering kiss.
Put your head on his shoulder when you’re watching a movie together.
Leave him a love note in a secret place where only he will find it- in his wallet or dresser drawer.
Create a secret signal so you can flirt in a crowded room. =)
Fix his favorite dessert and serve it by candlelight in your bedroom.
Leave a note under the windshield wiper of his car.
Make plans to play a game together – laugh! Enjoy his company! Who cares who wins?!
Surprise him with lunch just for the two of you. Pick him up at work and go to a park for a picnic lunch you’ve packed.

Marriage takes work if you want one that is above average. You might have missed the Marriage Matters class, but you can still let your spouse know that your marriage matters.

How? You know!

Pastor’s Encouragement: Pray that your pastor will practice servant leadership, edifying the congregation with wisdom and serving with God’s agape love.
Husband’s Encouragement: God has wired us with different personalities. And often He will draw together two people with opposite strengths and weaknesses, on purpose, in order to refine us and help us. Sometimes the very strengths we love at first become points of contention later.

Is your husband organized? Is he diligent? Is he persistent? These are all related to a pattern of personal disciplines that are worthy of your praise—even when his bent for order and discipline comes against your bent for whimsy. Affirm him for these traits and how this helps your marriage function. .

Some men are naturally more spontaneous. They may be fun loving or people-focused. These are all related to a creative spirit that is also worthy of your praise—even when his bent for spontaneity comes against your bent for planning.

With love,

breakfast · Marriage

Go to the Extra Trouble

March 15, 2012March 29, 2015 RefreshHer7 Comments

Who hasn’t tasted a Pop Tart at some time in their life? It’s a breakfast staple for many college students (bless their hearts!). My husband remembers during his college days, he would put his Pop Tart on top of his study lamp while he was in the shower, and then come back 10 minutes later to his “hot breakfast!”

While looking at King Arthur’s web site recently, I came across their recipe for Tasty Toaster Tarts – their version of homemade Pop Tarts! So, while in my experimenting mode, I went to the kitchen and made a batch. Hello!!!! These are so good! I am not a fan of the store-bought version, but I think I could eat these for every meal! I made the Brown Sugar/Cinnamon recipe. Are you ready for a look at the result?

Come in a little closer for a peek at the inside filling…

If you’re interested in trying these pastries, go here for the recipe. Let me tell you this – I used half the amount of butter, and then I doubled the amount of milk. The dough was still flaky and delicious! What did my husband think about these?

“These are better than Pop Tarts any day!”

Now, you may be sitting there saying, “Denise, why would you go to all the extra trouble to make something at home that you could just buy in the store? Why? Because they turn something that’s “okay” to “fantastic!”

This reminds me of the effort it takes to turn an “okay” marriage into a “fantastic” one. It just takes a little more effort. It means going out of your way to do something each day that will bump up your marriage from the Pop Tart level to the “made-from-scratch” level! Need some ideas of what to do for your husband?

Text him a personal love note – not tacked onto the “buy milk on your way home.” Make it just a sweet and thoughtful note.
Buy him some little something when you go to the grocery store. Maybe his favorite snack or special treat.
Buy a card and leave it for him to find in his car.
Call and invite him to join you for a picnic lunch on one of these pretty spring days.
Wash his car for him.
Make a list of things you can say, “thank you” for:
- Thank you for working hard to provide for our family
- Thank you for making me laugh
- Thank you for your godly leadership of our children
- Thank you for taking care of yourself to stay healthy
Make some of these Toaster Tarts and leave a sweet note beside them!

Go to the extra trouble and make what’s good even better!

With love,