Four preachers met for a friendly gathering. During the conversation one preacher said, “Our people come to us and pour out their hears, confess certain sins and needs. Let’s do the same. Confession is good for the soul.” In due time all agreed. One confessed he liked to go to movies and would sneak off when away from his church. The second confessed to liking to smoke cigars and the third one confessed to liking to play cards. When it came to the fourth one, he wouldn’t confess. The others pressed him saying, “Come now, we confessed ours. What is your secret or vice?” Finally he answered, “It is gossiping and I can hardly wait to get out of here.”

We laugh at that story, but the truth is, there are people who love to share things about someone with anyone willing to listen. If you’ve ever been the one being talked about, you know how hurtful those words can be. No one likes to think that someone is talking about them, because usually what is shared isn’t completely the truth. What can we do about it? Aside from approaching the person who is the gossip, we really can’t stop people from saying what they will. The answer to handling words from others comes from the Scriptures.

In Psalm 119:23 the psalmist says, Princes also did sit and speak against me: but thy servant did meditate in thy statutes. I read that in my prayer time a couple days ago and it hit me like a ton of bricks – this is the way to respond when others speak ill about you! What did the psalmist do when princes spoke against him? He thought on God’s Word. What might he have thought?

• Psalm 56:9 Lord, I thank you that you are for me!
• Psalm 73:25 Lord, you’re all I the approval I want.
• Psalm 18:20 I thank you, Lord that you know my innocence and You will handle this for me.

There could be many other truths to meditate on when someone is speaking evil against you. What a blessing it is that the Lord knows and He cares. If we meditate on His Word instead of the gossip we will be encouraged instead of enraged, humbled instead of hurt.

If you’re going through a time of slander, be like the psalmist and run to the Word and think on its truths instead!

See you in church Sunday!

Having a great marriage takes hard work, as does anything that is worthwhile. As we go through these points together, I never want to make it sound like an easy thing to implement each of these four areas into our lives. It takes a stern commitment as we seek to obey God. At the same time, God will equip us. He gives us instruction in His Word so we know what to do, godly people to encourage us, and His Spirit to guide us. You can have a wonderful marriage – it really is what God wants for each of us that are married.

So, with that said, how are you doing at helping your husband? Have you started asking your husband how you can help him each day? How about submitting to him? Have you found a positive word to use in response to his requests? Are you bending in his direction? These were the first two ways we learned we are to have a heart for our husband. Today let’s move on to the last two ways we can have the right kind of heart for him.

3. Respect your husband. This means the same as the word for our reverential fear we have for the Lord. It’s visual, it’s seen by everyone. Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Treat your husband as you would Christ himself. How would we talk to Christ? How would we greet Him when we walked in the door? This is how we’re to treat our husband.

Ask of your attitude, “Am I demonstrating respect for my husband?” This is what it means – we’re to be affectionate, loving and showing respect that is seen by others and our husband.

4. Love your husband. This is a phileo love – friendship love. This means being best friends with your husband. Treat him lovingly. We become a husband lover. Again, it has to be a decision that he is the number one human priority in our lives. This puts him above our parents. He is before our children, and our married children. That puts him ahead of a best friend, a sister who’s been your best friend all of your life. He has to be your number one relationship, and he must know it!

Who is the first one you call when you learn some good news? Make sure your husband is the one you contact before anyone else, then with his permission you can share the news with others. Make him first.

To love your husband means choosing him over other human relationships. Keep him first before your children. It’s easy to become child-centered. Where do your children want to sit when you and your husband on the couch? Between you two! That’s symbolic of what they want to do, and we have to be careful that we keep our husband number one.

We need to ask of our decisions – am I spoiling my husband rotten? That is our assignment from God. That’s how we show him we love him.

I love one scene in Andy Griffith where Briscoe Darling thinks Aunt Bee is falling for him because she gives him butter for his potato, extra pot roast at dinner, more pearly onions because she learns that he likes them, and then she finishes off his meal with several pieces of pie. He looks at her and says, “Miss Bea, it appears that you’re specializing on me!” My husband and I use that phrase often with each other when one or the other does something especially thoughtful. But in reality that’s we should be doing for our husband on a daily basis. So “specialize” on him!

Elizabeth ended with a checklist. See how you’re doing…

• Pray for your husband – Ask him how you can be praying for him, then ask about that request and how it went.
• Plan for him – Love doesn’t’ just happen. It has to be planned for. Plan special meals. Plan special times alone. A friend of Elizabeth’s has a baked potato date each week. Plan for him daily, for his homecoming. Prepare the house, prepare your greeting, prepare the very words you’re going to say. I have found a blog where the gal has challenged her readers to have a weekly date night with their husband. I don’t know if this writer is a Christian, but she has the right understanding that a marriage takes time together to foster the relationship. If you go here you can get some good ideas of date suggestions. Planning time together is the only way it will happen! Let him know he’s first by planning date nights with him and him alone! Prepare the children – Daddy’s coming home. Turn the TV off. Have the table set – it’s the promise of that which is to come. Plan not to be on the phone. You usually know when your husband’s going to walk through the door. You can prove he is your number one priority by not being on the phone with anyone.
• Please him. Does he like the salt on the table? Does he like to read the newspaper? Does he need a big breakfast? Is his football game on?
• Protect your time with him. If he’s home, you want to be at home. One woman said she didn’t know where her husband was. One night she stayed at home, and there he was!
• Praise him

We want to be like the Proverbs 31 woman who does her husband good and not evil all the days of her life. Obeying these four important words – help, submit, respect, and love will help us to be what God intended! We’ve got lots of work to do and we can do it with the Lord’s help. Don’t feel overwhelmed, just work on one thing at a time and watch what the Lord will do in your marriage as you have a heart for your husband.

Cheering you on!

This post was to be a continuation of Tuesday’s posting, but we’ll sandwich A Word to the Wise in between! I’ll finish the lesson on A Heart for Your Husband on Thursday.

However, while we’re thinking about husband/wife relationships, I’ll share some thing today that will help in married life.

If you haven’t read the Book, Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerich, you must. I wish I’d have read it years ago! It would have saved my poor husband lots of grief. I see that you can get it at Walmart for less than $14.

The book is based on Ephesians 5:33 – Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. It talks about “the crazy cycle” where the wife is waiting for her husband to love her before she’ll respect him, and the husband is waiting for his wife to show respect before he shows her love. The cycle goes on and on until someone simply obeys the Scripture and stops the cycle!

The book is easy to read, has lots of illustrations, and good questions for each chapter. If you only read one book this year, let it be this one! With God’s enablement, it can change your marriage.

Proverbs 19:14

A gracious woman retaineth honor…Proverbs 11:16

We live in such a “techie” world that many things have gone by the wayside. One of those things is a thank you note. I don’t think it would be wrong to send a thank you by way of an email – my point is just send it! Expressing gratitude for things people do for us or things they give us is a huge part of a godly testimony. It shows a humble heart and grateful spirit. I found a web site that gives some good encouragement about when and how to send a thank you note. Check it out. I’m sure there are many times when I’ve missed the opportunity to express my thanks to someone…shame on me!

Thanks for stopping to read today. I appreciate each of you!

With love and thanks, 🙂

Icing on the cake. This is how Elizabeth George describes her DVD presentation to those doing the Bible study, A Woman After God’s Own Heart. We have spent a month digging into God’s Word learning what He wants to teach us in our quiet time with Him. Then when we come together we listen to her pull all the pieces together and wrap it up in her 30-minute group time.

I love icing, and I love this time because she knows how to spur us on and encourage us to apply what we have learned. This month we studied A Heart for Your Husband. Aside from our own study time, let me share with you some of the practical things she shared in her DVD.

There are four specific ways in which we are to have a heart for our husband. They are:

1. Help him. Genesis 2:18 – A help meet is a counterpart and companion. The husband and wife are a team running towards the same goal with the wife running solidly behind her husband. “If he wins, I win.” This requires a commitment to respond to God’s Word. We must focus on our husband – on his goals, his responsibilities. Think, “Him first.” That’s what a helper does. Elizabeth asks her husband two questions every morning: 1. What can I do to help you today? 2. How can I help you make better use of your time? Ask if your decisions, actions and attitudes will help or hinder him.
   

2. Submit to him. Ephesians 5:21-23 Submit means, “to bend in his direction. Fit into his life, his way of doing things. No resistance.” God Word says it, so we must make the commitment and trust God to enable us. It also helps to give a positive response. Find a word to use. Elizabeth uses the word, “sure!” She says it’s also important to say it with music in your voice and an exclamation point afterwards. Start on the small things. Elizabeth used her word on the trial of their marriage – getting donuts on the way to church every Sunday. It had caused much conflict between them – too much sugar for their little girls, chocolate on their Sunday dresses, no money or time for it! But once the Lord worked in her heart about this, her husband suggested they stop for donuts on the way to church and she said, “Sure!” What a difference it made in their attitudes and family life! They sang in the car, “When we all get to heaven…” The difference wasn’t the sugar in the donuts, it was the positive response from a wife to her husband.

Do you have a positive word you use with your husband? If not, ask the Lord to give you one.

continued tomorrow…