Stress in marriage – RefreshHer

roller coasstera

No one wants to be forced to ride a roller coaster – especially when it’s an emotional one caused by stress in marriage. But, if we’re honest, we’ve all been there at one time or another. We feel like life is spinning and twisting out of control and all we can do is hang on and hope for a safe and eventual landing.

That Marriage Roller Coaster ride can also make you feel helpless, alone, and desperate. In the middle of a marital crisis, you can “feel” like you will never be happy again, that there’s no hope for your relationship, or that it would just be better if your marriage was over. These can all be dangerous emotions/actions, if not handled biblically.

How about if we just stop together and get a biblical perspective for those kinds of days?

Realize that your spouse is not your enemy. Satan is the one attacking your home. But the biblical perspective is, “Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world.” (I John 4:4) God is stronger and greater. He can get you past this hurdle, and that’s all it is – a hurdle. The good news is that hurdles are meant for jumping over!
Struggles are not a sign that your marriage is done. Jesus told us, “In this world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer – I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 Since He has overcome, so can we! When two sinners live together, there’s bound to be difficulty at times. Add to the mix, children, who are also sinners, and you can have a house full of struggles! But, as in the roller coaster analogy, you don’t just jump off when you’re climbing the steepest incline of the ride! You sit tight, hold on (to the Lord and one another!), close your eyes (in prayer), and do the next right thing. Soon you’ll be pulling into the very place the ride started, renewed in your love and softer and gentler with one another.
Ending the marriage is not God’s answer to the struggle. Seek for restoration. Humble yourself and do what is necessary to obey Romans 12:18. Sincerely ask the Lord to show you if you are in the wrong. Seek the biblical advice of a godly friend who will love you enough to be honest with you and tell you what you need to hear – not what they know you want to hear. Lovingly talk to your spouse, when the time is right. Share your heart. Ask if you can get down on your knees and pray together. It’s pretty impossible to pray as a couple and stay angry. Again, humility is necessary on your part! You can’t change him, but with God’s help, you sure can change the girl in your shoes!
Believe the truth that the best is yet to be. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us that God has a plan to give us a hope and a future, and that includes your marriage! You can both learn from this experience and enjoy greater days in the future, because of the restoration and reconciliation that has taken place.

Proverbs 24:10

If thou faint in the day of adversity,

thy strength is small.

Let the Lord be your strength, and climb down off that roller coaster, straighten your wind-blown hair, and don’t faint! Believe the biblical truth and press on for God’s honor!

Lovingly,

Denise Signature 150 px

Their baby was born very critical. She required intensive care for months after her birth. Days in the hospital were long and emotional for her parents, a young couple who had never gone through anything that rocked their world so hard. They felt frightened, shaken to the core of their beings, and so very alone.

Alone? They had each other! Why would they feel alone? Because during this time of emotional heartbreak, while each of their emotions were so raw, instead of pulling together, and talking and praying as a couple, they were isolating themselves and pulling away like opposing teams in a game of tug of war. They became critical of the other’s response to the situation. They bickered over little decisions they had to make regarding the baby. They spent all their waking hours with the child, only somehow saving enough energy to make it back home for a few hours of sleep before returning to the NICU to start another day just like the previous one. They wondered if their marriage would still be secure when their daughter was ready to be discharged.

The previous description is about no one I know; I made up the people and scenario. But the fact is, this kind of thing happens to marriages all the time! Hard things step into our lives, and, if we’re not careful, a death, a child’s rebellion, a financial set-back, a terminal illness, or any host of crisis’ can step in and destroy a home at a time when the couple needs one other the most!

During my mother-in-law’s illness a few years ago, we saw how the fatigue and separation, with one staying at the hospital and one sleeping at home, could wear on our emotions and our relationship. There were a couple instances that wouldn’t have normally been so sensitive, but because of the weariness and stress, they seemed much bigger. Since we knew this could be a long ordeal, we were, with the Lord’s help, trying to stay sensitive to the need to stay tender, current and in touch with the Lord and one another as we went through this journey.

Near 10-11 PM one night, we had a “date” in the hospital cafeteria. All I wanted was dry Honey Nut Cheerios (my night time snack at home!), but it wasn’t about the food, it was about staying in touch with one another. So much happened in a day, we needed time to talk, to catch up on, not only my mother-in-law’s condition, but also one another.

We had many offers from people who were willing to come and sit at the hospital so we can get out for a bit. We planned dates during those days! We had to remind ourselves of God’s sovereignty to care for things without our help. She would be fine, and so would we.

Every marriage goes through many times like I’ve described. Here are some other tips to survive stressful times:

Be on the lookout for times when your marriage needs the protection of time away, even just an hour or so. If there was a floor in the hospital for Marriage ICU, it would be full!
Let the Great Physician step in and give you the prescription your relationship needs. Stop and pray together. Take this stressful time to Him. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
More than others need you, you need time together.
Don’t cleave to your children, they will be fine with a sitter for a while. Go out on a date.
Don’t cleave to the media! Turn the television off and reconnect.
Hold hands.
Look into your husband’s eyes.
Listen to him.

Cleave to him. Love him unconditionally…for the health of your marriage. It’s the only way you’ll be discharged from the Marriage intensive care unit!

With love