My mommy days are behind me now, and as I’m watching others in this special, yet demanding role, I have done some reminiscing over the years when my girls were young. I have plenty of regrets, as all moms do, but I’m not going to dwell on those, because I can’t change them, and because doing so would not fall under the Philippians 4:8 things I should think about! It’s in the past. But there are things that were so good about those days. As I think back, I remember things that we did that I would definitely do again, if I had the chance.
Here they are:
- Be a stay-at-home mom. I’m so thankful that I was there for all but 9 months of both of my girls’ lives. The nine months I worked were the longest months of my life! I hated being taken away from my family and my home. I was under a teaching contract, and I kept my word to the prinicple, but when the school year was done, so was I! My husband and I decided that it was best for me to pour into our own children, rather than someone else’s!
- Be relatively poor. Does that sound strange? I would have never anticipated saying that! Our churches did the best they could to care for us, but when the girls were young, things were tight. Very tight. As I stated above, I was a stay-at-home mom, so we lived on my husband’s salary alone. We homeschooled, so we had book fees and satellite costs, which were a large chunk of money every year that we never had on hand. We were in ministry all those years, and we needed time away – times to rest and refresh as a family and recharge our spiritual batteries and physical bodies. We had growing girls and we entertained missionaries and guest speakers, so groceries were another cost that stretched us. Where did we get the money for these things? We prayed. Our inefficiencies ran us to our all-sufficient God. He provided for us in amazing, life-changing ways! Had we had all the money we wanted or needed, it wouldn’t have taught us to depend on Him so greatly. Being needy turned into a great blessing.
- Read aloud to my girls. One way we entertained ourselves at bedtime, around the kitchen table, in the car, or on a blanket in the backyard was through books. We read a varied kind of books, and they were carefully chosen, and opened a whole world to us, even while we stayed home.
- Use God’s Word in discipline. We always sat down and talked with our girls in their bedrooms at discipline times. We explained from the Scriptures what they had done wrong that God considered sin. This kept us from acting quickly out of anger (we sent them to their room and we’d cool off before addressing the issue!). They knew it wasn’t just that mommy and daddy didn’t like what they did, but they saw it in God’s Word, and it guided their thinking and changed their behavior.
- Laugh and have fun. We had lots of laughs as a family. I should have laughed at myself more, but we shared many fun times around games, out in the snow, in the car playing the alphabet game, baking in the kitchen, or building a fire in the backyard.
- Be faithful to Sunday school and church. It’s not just because we’re a ministry family that we went to church. We love being in God’s house and with God’s people! Worshiping, singing, reading Scripture, giving our tithes, and fellowshipping with other believers helped all of us to grow!
- Show outward affection and say, “I love you.” We’re a “touchy” family, in that we hug and love on one another. Using words to express love between parents and children is so important. Our children learn how to love by watching us. The first place they should feel acceptance and unconditional love is at home.
- Leave the girls once in a while to go on a date with their dad. We were making a stronger home for them, and they lived through the trauma of it all! A parent can feel really guilty leaving a crying child, even though they’re in great hands with grandparents or other caring adults, but without those times away, your relationship will get stagnant, and you’ll only discuss things like empty milk jugs and unfinished homework!
- Spend time alone with God every day. When the girls were small, this time was limited, but I would read what I could and pray over each of my family. Sometimes it came a verse at a time, with interruptions in between. Sometimes my prayers were while I was ironing their clothes. It was then that I’d pray for the one whose clothes I was pressing. I often left verses on cards around the house so I could meditate on that passage. Those “little moments” fed my soul and kept my heart right with God so I could parent them and point my girls to Christ.
- Marry my girls dad. I let them know often how much I loved their daddy and how God brought us together. He had to be my first priority because that’s God’s order. Why? Because God knew that I’d be where I am today – an Empty nester, and He wanted my home to be just as fulfilling now as it was when our daughters were here.
And you know what?
What are you doing right now that you know you’ll be glad you’re doing as a mom? Keep doing it! What are you regretting? Ask God how to change it and watch for how He steps in!
Refresh your children by being the mom God will enable you to be by His grace.
Recently in the late hours of the night, while a subdivision of residents was fast asleep, a thief entered the quiet of the street and began making his way up driveways looking for unlocked cars. All he was interested in was cash, and any he found was taken.
What the thief didn’t know was that a security camera was right on him, taking footage of his sinful deeds. Aside from seeing him enter unlocked cars, one thing noted on the security tape was that when he approached one vehicle that was locked, he simply moved away from it. There was no attempt at breaking in. The security of the car door locks, kept him from taking what was not his.
As I thought about the crime, the Lord brought a truth to my mind about my marriage. No one can steal away from our relationship unless we leave areas unlocked. So then, we must check to be sure that we’re keeping our marriage safe. Here are some security locks that need to be checked regularly:
- Keep your marriage vows.
- Love is a choice, not a feeling. If you’re not “feeling it,” pray and ask God to help you love your husband – He will. Keep praying about it and don’t quit!
- Love him thoroughly, the way you want to be loved. Accept him and don’t have any expectations of what he should be or should do. Would you and I want to be held to our husband’s list of expectations? We must accept him in the same way.
- Love him physically. Don’t withhold your physical love as punishment. Doing so could cause ramifications that could cause the thief to come in and steal what is supposed to be only yours.
- This is the same as respect. A husband doesn’t earn it as the world says he must – you give it because God commands you to. Eph 5:33 Honor him as unto the Lord, or as you would the Lord! Your words, your reactions, your decisions – your whole married life is to show the man you married honor – the highest esteem.
- He has ultimate leadership for your home. Whether you like his decision or disagree, God says the husband is the head, and unless what he is asking is sinful, then you must come under his authority. Period.
- ‘Til death do you part
- Never should we use the word, “Divorce.” Nor should we threaten to leave. Marriage is for a lifetime. Considering divorce is leaving an open door for the right situation to enter so we have an out. (I realize divorce for fornication is allowed, but often lesser things cause those words to be spoken.)
So, how secure is your marriage? Are you leaving an unlocked door in any of the areas above? There are many other safeties we could discuss, but I believe if we’re honoring our marriage vows, most of the other scenarios will be safe from danger.
Marriage is a gift from God that is a beautiful picture of our relationship with Christ. He keeps us secure for eternity. I’m pretty sure I know a subdivision of people who will now be locking their car doors at night. Don’t you wait until the thief comes to steal from your marriage before you do what is wise! Keep it secure all the days of our life, “so long as you both shall live.”
Happy Easter! Rejoice; He is risen, and that makes a difference in every area of life – even your marriage!
When my husband and I got married 35 years ago, we had had no official premarital counseling. I did have the blessing of many talks with my mom beforehand, as well as my parent’s example, but not the kind of teaching that a pastor would typically impart today. I’ve remembered much of what I witnessed and have applied that to my married life, but through the years, I’ve found it so necessary to keep looking for wisdom to apply to my role as a wife. Anything left dormant is bound to get moldy after a while! I don’t want my marriage to do that!!
The Lord tells us in Proverbs 8:33 –
Hear instruction, and be wise, and refuse it not.
One way I’ve continued to get instruction is through reading Christian books on marriage. I’ve tried to read several a year by just reading little portions each day to keep my marriage healthy. A few of my favorites have been:
- Proverbs!!! I read it every month!!
- A Woman After God’s Own Heart
- Creative Counterpart
- What’s it Like to be Married to Me?
- For Women Only
- Love and Respect
- The Excellent Wife
- Praying God’s Will for My Husband – Praying for him changes me!
There are more, but those are some of my favorites that really helped me grow in my role as a wife.
Another way I’ve sought out wisdom is by listening to radio broadcasts and now podcasts. I started with Focus on the Family. That’s a no-brainer, right? They support the Christian marriage with topics that really help the couple!
Now my favorite podcast is Revive Our Hearts. I cannot tell you how refreshing their broadcasts are. Nancy has recently done a series on Titus 2. It has been so practical and full of truth! Just yesterday she shared a piece of advice that the late Vonette Bright shared with her on her wedding day. Let me close by sharing it with you.
She said, “Submit to whatever brings him (your husband)
pleasure in everything . . . and you’ll be just fine.”
Nancy went on to add –
By no means was she to encouraging me to satisfy any sinful, selfish desire my husband might have. She was not implying that I would be my husband’s slave, or that my role was merely to fulfill his every whim.
Here was a dear widow who had enjoyed a deeply loving fifty-four-year marriage, and who knew first-hand the joys of having a disposition—an inclination—to follow her husband’s leadership.
That is good advice!
What do you need to submit to that would bring your husband pleasure? Do it!
Your marriage needs the refreshment that daily wisdom will give it! Are you continuing to grow in wisdom regarding your role as a wife? What will you do as a result? Will you start a habit of reading and/or listening?
Refresh your marriage,
I confess, I enjoy watching make-up application videos. It’s really enlightening (no pun intended!), and it’s also transforming in incredible ways! The “before” and “after” pictures are pretty amazing! The ladies doing the videos show how to apply, how to smudge, and how to make the most of every beauty mark on your face! Their instructions tell you how to look your best.
But as I was reading the book of John recently, I came to this verse and I thought this is the best description of a “beauty mark.” It says,
By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples,
if ye have love one to another.
This is the Lord’s instructions to us as to how to be the most attractive Christian. It’s wrapped up in one word in verb form – LOVE.
When you’ve been hurt – LOVE.
When you feel neglected – LOVE.
When you’re misunderstood – LOVE.
When you are mistreated – LOVE.
When you don’t know what else to do – LOVE.
Christ’s love, shown in His strength gives glory to Him, because we can’t love like that in our own flesh. Think about all the places we could apply this beauty:
- At home
- At work
- In the grocery store
- In traffic!
- In political situations
- On Social media
It might be easier to get up and head out the door without applying makeup, but it’s not very pretty, is it? On a higher plane, we need to stop and take time to apply Christ’s love to every situation so that we represent our Savior well.
Get in the Word – Learn of His love
Pray – Ask for His love
Go – Look for ways to demonstrate His love!
Will you wear the beauty of His love today? Who needs to see it most?