Biblical Womanhood · Refreshment in marriage · Wife's Role

Keeping Your Husband Your Best Friend

Continuation of our series and review of the book, A Woman After God’s Own Heart.

I love getting to counsel women who are engaged and preparing for marriage. They are excited about their new life ahead with this man whom they love so much. I remember when I was in that stage of life – I couldn’t imagine that I could love Dale any more than I did at that moment.  But Paul writes in Titus that the older women should instruct the younger women to love their husbands!  Why? 
Because life happens. 
Struggles come. 
Sinners sin and love can be tested and strained. 
Therefore, younger women need to be taught how to love when it’s not all violin music and ocean sunsets.

The kind of love that is mentioned in Titus 2 is phileo love which is a friendship love . Our relationship to our husbands should look like two people who are best friends! In her book, A Woman After God’s Own Heart, Elizabeth George gives the ways we can develop this kind of love in marriage.

  1. Decide to make your husband your number one human relationship. That might sound like a given, but often there is a struggle to keep him as your priority. We may struggle with putting our children before him. One wise mother instructed her daughter when she got married that she was no longer to be dependent on her parents for anything. And when her daughter called her when she and her husband had a disagreement, the mother asked, “Does your husband know you’re calling me?” This wise mom wanted to make sure that her daughter was keeping her husband as her first priority.

 I remember hearing one woman tell me that she couldn’t stand going on vacation unless her children went with her and her husband. That happens when we allow our children to come between us in the early years. If you’re a young mom, don’t let your children start sleeping with you. Establish those boundaries now so that they can learn to be independent as they get older. You are also showing your husband that you prioritize his place in your life.

 2. Begin to choose your husband over all other human relationships. Again, this includes our children. Many marriages fail at over-investing in their children and under-investing in their marriage.

3. Ask of your lifestyle, am I spoiling my husband rotten? This is what loving our husband is really about! It’s spoiling him.

  • 4. Pray for him daily. James says that the effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. The fervent prayers of a righteous wife will do the same thing! Have you written your husband’s name in your Journal? Underneath his name right down
    His spiritual gifts,
    Where he serves in ministry,
    Any job he does,
    Any need for spiritual growth,
    His protection physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
    Pray that he will have wisdom in choices.
    Pray that he will have a heart for God and for your home. I
    If your husband is not a believer, praying daily for his salvation should be your primary prayer.
    It is your responsibility to pray for your husband and it’s God’s responsibility to change him. 
    Also pray about any struggle that you’re having submitting to him.
    Pray about any conflicts between you or any irritations. Praying for your husband will increase your love for him and will give you a right heart for him
  •  5. Plan for him daily. Proverbs 21 5  says, the thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness, but everyone that is hasty only to want. In other words, for anything to happen we have to plan for it.
    1.  Plan for special deeds of kindness. Remembering our chapter about helping our husband, Elizabeth suggested that we ask each day, “How can I help you today?” My husband and I do just little things for each other like putting toothpaste on the toothbrush. Ironing a piece of clothing that I know he’s going to need would be another act of kindness. Taking him a cup of coffee or a snack while he’s studying, running an errand for him or picking up a special treat that he would enjoy while I’m out are all good suggestions for kindness.
    2.  Plan special dinners. Make things he enjoys. Maybe no one else in the family likes it but him, provide it for him. My daughter has a husband who loves hot dogs so she always make sure that there are hot dogs available for his snacking enjoyment. Make sure you know what he enjoys and then provide that for him.
    3.  Plan special times alone. We definitely have to plan ahead for these time to happen. When our children were little, we would ask a friend at church to watch them so we could just go out for the evening or for lunch during the daytime. It’s so important to have time to be able to talk without the children there. When they cried we reminded them that we were going away to make a happier home for them. It’s so worth any sacrifice!
    4.  Plan special dinners alone. Elizabeth shares about a friend who once a week would make her children’s favorite dinner, get them bathed and get them into bed earlier then normal. Then she would set the table in a special way, light candles and serve that delicious meal that she and her husband enjoyed alone. What a great idea!
    5.  Plan an early bedtime for children. Putting your young children to bed early each night will give you and your  husband time alone. They need the structure and you need to create that atmosphere for you and your husband. Remember what a priority you are putting on your marriage when you do this. Even if you do this a few times a week, it will be so beneficial.
    6.  Plan to go to bed at the same time. Usually every married couple has a night owl and an early bird, but it is wise for married couples to adjust and go to bed at the same time. This will help you to get up and get going in the morning. Iit will also help your family to stay on schedule, and nurture the physical love in your marriage. Make it a priority.

 Can I encourage you to just stop right now after reading this post and pray for your husband? Remember that he’s your number one friend. Thank God for the love that you have and ask God to increase it. Ask Him to show you how you can spoil your husband rotten even today and then plan to do something for him to show him that you love him.

Refresh your love for your husband by putting one of these suggestions to practice today!

5 thoughts on “Keeping Your Husband Your Best Friend

  1. I hope that young woman never finds herself in a situation where she is the victim of domestic abuse because then she will feel that she has no one to go to for help. I would hope that most men who are mature would recognize that their small helpless children should be a priority. If they played an active role in raising them and took some of the strain off of the mother then she could devote more time to him.


    1. Mary Jane, it’s sad that many women do find themselves in abusive relationships. It’s not what God planned or is pleased with, and certainly not what He desires for the home. As I stated in an earlier post in this series, – see this post –
      we are never to endure abuse in any fashion, or overlook it. Any woman in such a situation needs to get out and get help from a godly pastor and wife, or trusted Christian counselor. There is hope in Christ for her life and the lives of her children to be restored. God sees, and as a Righteous Judge, those that commit such crimes will give an answer before Him. Psalm 98:9 . He will judge the world with righteousness, and the peoples with equity.
      God is a good Father and loves us.


  2. This is you!!!
    10 Who can find a ]virtuous wife?
    For her worth is far above rubies.
    11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
    So he will have no lack of gain.
    12 She does him good and not evil
    All the days of her life.


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