How To Build Confidence In Your Child

March 3, 2021March 1, 2021 RefreshHer4 Comments

There are lots of things that I forget – like why I’ve gone downstairs, the name of a visitor at church, or sometimes my own age, but there are particular memories that stick in my mind like concreted stepping stones in a garden.

One such memory is when I got my first job at the age of 16. I was to be the person up front at Hardee’s restaurant. Understand that this was back in the days before computerized cash registers. I was to write down the order correctly, bag it up, take the money owed and return the correct amount of change.

I was a bit fearful about the last in that list of tasks, and my wise mom knew just how to help me. She gathered up some currency and a fist full of change, and we practiced. She was the customer, and I the restaurant employee. She didn’t make it easy, either. She would give me $15.02 when her bill was $12.57. She taught me to count backwards, first deducting the two cents from the fifty-seven. Now their total as $12.55 – it was from that total that I would make change. She would make me count it out loud, starting with the .55. “Fifty-five, sixty, seventy, seventy five, thirteen dollars, (and handing over two ones) fourteen, fifteen.” Total change was 2 dollars and forty-five cents. That kind of practice with her made me confident to go to work. On my first day at my job, my cash register was ten cents off at the end of a busy day. I was proud of that, but sought to perfect that during my time there.

I took that practicing idea with me into my own parenting days, understanding that practice at home gives a child confidence when they go into the world to accomplish a task that seems daunting. Here are some of the things we practiced:

I would have my girls use our play phones and practice making calls to 911, reporting that their mommy had fallen and needed help!
We practiced speaking to people at church or visitors that were coming to our home. “How will you greet Mrs. So-and-So? Look her in the eye, and speak up so she can hear you say your name. “Let’s try that again.”
We practiced walking in a lady-like manner
We practiced asking questions to an employer from whom they would seek a job.
We practiced sharing a testimony at church.
We practiced how to care for a child they were babysitting.

Practice does indeed bring progress, but it also gives confidence and the know-how to do the right thing when called upon.

What is your child/teen facing in the near future? Are you teaching them adequately so that they will feel prepared? Of course, we need to remind them to depend on the Lord’s help, but it is our job to give them the tools they need so they will be qualified and able to do all things heartily as unto the Lord (Colossians 3:23).

How do you practice situations with your children ahead of time?

Two Celebrations!

August 21, 2020August 20, 2020 RefreshHer40 Comments

I love celebrations and today I’m enjoying two!

The first one is my daughter, Alli; it’s her 29th birthday! God gave us Alli, our third daughter, during our tenth year of marriage; a special gift we didn’t think we would be able to have. But God in His grace and kindness to us, sent us a daughter to fill our home with music and laughter (lots and lots!) through Alli!

She was the child who was sure life was a stage. She enjoyed nothing more than entertaining Whitney and making her laugh!

From a very early age, Alli showed a love and a gift for music. She was denied the joy of learning to play drums (!), but started taking piano lessons when she was five. After that, she went to violin when she was around ten. Every instrument she’d see, (especially strings) she would want to try to play. She took cello lessons and then taught herself guitar. Her keen ear and natural ability were God-given gifts, and we sought to give her every chance to develop those talents.

One precious memory was the day during home school that she began asking questions about salvation. As we talked, I could see that she had a clear understanding of her sin and her need for a Savior. After excusing herself from my presence, she came back a little while later and announced to me that she had gone off on her own to ask Jesus to save her! Though she had some difficult days in her late teens, that decision to trust Christ kept her tethered to Him, even when she struggled personally. How thankful I am for the Spirit of God that lives inside His children! She responded to His conviction and made things right with the Lord after a brief time of straying away.

Since then she has been resolute in following the Lord and living for Him. Perfect? No, she has her parents’ old sin nature! But like all sinners, she gets it right and moves towards Christ.

What a joy to watch her serve with her husband in our church, and also as she is training her sons. I truly have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. III John 4.

Happy 29th Birthday, sweet Alli!

The second celebration today is regarding my blog! This week marks my 12th blogging anniversary! It was started 2,750 posts ago! What? Thank you to each of you who read, comment, follow and encourage my heart here.

This has been such a joy to me. I have met the sweetest women around the globe through this simple blog. I’ve been blessed to have some of you come to Tennessee and visit our church! Some I’ve gotten to know just through messages, and some have continued our relationships that began in person.

This blog was started for my church ladies, and is still my focus. I wanted a way to reach out to you, BCBC, ladies on a weekly basis. I pray I’ve ministered and encouraged you through the years by this means. I love each of you and long to serve you and point you to our Savior!

Would you give me a gift today? I’d just love to hear from you! Tell me how long you’ve been reading and where you’re from, would you? You might also add what content you enjoy when you stop by.

Also, how about sharing my blog with a friend? That would be a great gift to me! Thank you!

I hope you get to celebrate something or someone this weekend! Again, don’t forget to leave a comment before you go!

Time for cake!

children · Church · Family life · Motherhood · obedience · Parenting

Training Your Preschooler to Sit in Church

August 29, 2017August 29, 2017 RefreshHerLeave a comment

Summer is nearly over and this is my last week to repost some old posts. This week I’m highlighting some of the most popular ones. I trust you’ll find something here that you never read, or that you need to be reminded of! The first one is about teaching your children to sit quietly in church. Have your kids mastered it? If not, here are some suggestions…

You looked so forward to being in church last Sunday, but by the time the service was over you had wrangled with your preschooler in the pew, your blouse was spotted with juice drops, the floor was littered with Goldfish Crackers, and you’re more ready for a deserted island alone without food or water than you are for the Sweet By and By!

Been there? Most of us have! But there is hope for you and your child to be able to sit through an entire service and actually hear the message and get a blessing out of it! Read on!

The picture below is the best place to train your preschool-aged child to learn to sit in church…

This is your living room or family room couch. That’s right, the best place to train your child about church is in your own home. If you wait until Sunday morning to try to teach them to sit down rather than run the aisles and to whisper, rather than shout out their requests, you’re headed for disaster and major frustration. Here are my suggestions for training a preschool-aged child to sit in church:

Clear the area you’re going to sit in and make it free of distractions. TV is off and toys are stashed away.
Get one or two quiet activities like a Bible flannel book or other quiet book, and perhaps one quiet toy like a coloring book and a few crayons (no markers!). These toys will be reserved only for your Quiet Time, so they’re “new” each time they’re brought out. Purchase or make several books/quiet toys to keep only for this teaching time and Sundays. Take a look at this! Find similar ideas on Pinterest!
This is a magnetic fishing pond! Super easy to make and super fun for your child. Also super cheap!
Set the timer for five minutes to start. Gather yourself and your child and tell him he is going to sit on the couch with you until the timer goes off. Give him one book or toy and tell him he may play with it while you sit on the couch, but that he may not get down or talk. It’s time to listen. Show him how to sit, and remind him this is QUIET TIME. Tell him If he talks the toy will get taken away – he must play without talking.
Turn on a Podcast of your pastor, if available. If your pastor’s sermons aren’t online, use another broadcast. Have your Bible out and you sit still and listen.
When/if your child starts talking, try not to answer with words, but put your finger to your lips and shake your head “no.” Don’t answer a question for those five minutes. Give a couple silent warnings the first couple of days, but after two heads shaken, take the toy away as you promised you would do. If the child throws a fit or screams, take him out of the room, go to his bedroom or yours and remind him what you’re asking. If he continues to disobey you may need to apply loving discipline to correct his disobedience. The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. Prov 29:15
When the timer goes off, discuss how they did. “You talked to Mommy, but remember, this is Quiet Time; time to listen to pastor preach. Or, “Yay! You sat so quietly and played! I’m so proud of you and so is God! We got to listen to Pastor preach and that makes God happy!”
The next day and for the whole week, keep up with the five minutes. The next week extend it to ten minutes. Keep at this until you’ve worked up to 30 minutes. A three or four year-old will be able to sit and play without food for thirty minutes. They’ll wiggle, they’ll sigh, but don’t give in and don’t give up! It will be worth it!
If you have more than one child, have a separate bag for each child. Give only one toy at a time, and have each child on either side of you. Be consistent! If they talk, warn once, then remove the toy.
If they throw a fit, discipline in another room, but then bring them back in and complete the five minutes. This will be the same routine once you take them into the service at church. If they disobey, you must discipline, and it shouldn’t be just that you go out and play in the foyer – that’s what they want! Either discipline, then bring them back to the back row where you were wisely seated, or sit out there with your arms around them so they are not able to get down and play.
Make this training time at home something to look forward to – not a miserable drudgery. That can be accomplished by the activity you choose to put into the bag, but again – just a quiet toy – not treats or lots of toys. Make it biblical, if you can, so they’re also “hearing about God.”

Who knows? You might even glean some wonderful Truths during your at home Quiet Times! It won’t be long – just a couple of months until you’re able to sit in church and actually enjoy the service. You know what? Your child will enjoy it a whole lot more, too!

Any questions? Any other suggestions?

Lovingly,

children · Family life · Motherhood · Parenting · refreshment at home

Help Other People Love Your Kids

June 30, 2017June 30, 2017 RefreshHer2 Comments

I love little children. They are cute, funny, spontaneous and full of faith. But there are times when that love for youngsters can be tested. A favorite “old story” at our house happened many years ago following the Sunday night church service. A visiting family was going to be staying the night with us. There were two or three little ones, I can’t remember exactly, but the memory began just as we were unlocking the house for entry with our guests. Their little guy, about 4 or 5 said to me as he was pushing the door open and scurrying inside,

Hey Lady, where’s the toys?!

What ensued afterwards was little ones running through the house, overturning toy boxes and chests, emptying their contents and having the most fun a child can have while in a stranger’s home and discovering new treasures.

This was a whole new experience for me, and I’m sure I needed a lesson in graciousness, but all I remember was the sigh of relief when the battle of toys and home was over and we were left with the quiet dust of the invasion the following day.

Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE children, and I try to always have things on hand for little ones to play with, but the issue came when the parents seemed too relieved to have their children busy with something other than needing their attention (or so they thought). They were pretty much oblivious to the destruction and havoc that their offspring brought to a complete stranger’s household. I’m sure those children were precious and I know Jesus loves them, but me? I wasn’t feeling it. Oh, I don’t want to sound harsh, but it was like the invasion of enemy troops. Our home was open territory. There were no restrictions, no guidelines from the mom and dad, no parental looks that give a warning without words, saying, “Stop what you’re doing.” No, the children were on their own, and we were put in a place where we had to step in and draw the line in the sand. Ugh.

Every parent gets weary of the day-to-day demands, the need to correct and rein their children in, but taking time to let down your guard is not only dangerous, it’s putting other people in a very uncomfortable situation. It’s making it hard for others to really love your children. You see, it puts them in the place that only you belong, Mom (and Dad, if you’re reading). Someone besides you will be the one to have to say,

“Please don’t step on my feet; that hurts.”

“Could you please play with the trucks outside, instead of on the coffee table?”

“Children can get hurt if they climb up on the ladder in the store; you really better get down, .”

“My bedroom is off limits. Could you please come out and play in the family room with the rest of us?”

Step up, parents and make your child a blessing to be around by guiding them before these scenarios cause someone else to need to speak up.

Often, parents watch their children being the “wild child” and think it’s cute, or that they’re just “doing what children do,” which is true, but Scripture says,

Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. Proverbs 29:17

They act that way because they have an old sin nature, and God gave them parents to give them guidelines and restrictions, to teach them what is acceptable and what is not. So how do you help others love your children?

Talk to your children before you leave home or before guests arrive. Tell them what you expect in simple 1, 2, 3 format. They need to know what you’re expecting of them, what is okay and what is not. For instance,
- When we get to Mrs. Jones’ house, please stay in the same room I am in.
- I have brought a bag of toys for you to play with, so there will be no need for you to touch anything at her house. Play with those unless Mrs. Jones offers you something at her house to enjoy.
- If you need to speak with me while Mrs. Jones and I are talking, come and put your hand on my arm and I will acknowledge you, but wait until then to speak to me or I won’t hear what you’re saying.If you’re going to a store or restaurant, the same principle applies.
- You must stay in your seat while we’re at Cheddar’s.
- You may not climb under the table or change places with someone else.
- I have a snack for you to enjoy while we wait to be seated and served.
Don’t ignore bad behavior at home and then expect your child to be obedient in public times. Deal with the situation.
If you ignore your children fighting or misbehaving and the people you’re with don’t seem like they notice, don’t be fooled; they notice. Deal with it. This is another area that should be addressed beforehand. They should know what the consequences will be.
Practice good manners at home. “May I please?” “Excuse me…” “No thank you.” Table manners, speaking manners, greeting manners – they’re all important and can make the difference between a child who is learning manners and one who is demanding and rude.

I began with a sour example, let me end with a sweet one. I’ve had many opportunities to have children in my home for one on one time, meals with their parents and even overnight. One family had several little children, both girls and boys. They looked to their parents for the go-ahead when desiring to go outside, ask for a toy, or enjoy a snack I provided. They sat at the table for meals, obeyed when their parents stopped them from poor behavior, were thankful for any small gesture that was done, and responded sweetly when either of their parents had to correct them. Were they perfect? Of course not. There were messes to clean up when they left, but they were done so with joy. Oh, and they left something behind – love in our hearts for each one! They made that so very easy, thanks to the loving leadership and training that came from their mommy and daddy.

Moms, I’ve been there with my girls when they were home, even dealing with some very embarrassing situations, but every parent needs to ask the Lord where we need to do a little more training, a little more teaching and preparing so that the presence of our family will bring a smile and a heart full of love because they got to spend time with our children.

Refresh others by allowing your children to be a blessing.

What makes you love being with someone else’s children?

With nothing but love and care,

8e63c63ac0bc189bf1c68b03c74dbb5f (1)

Discipleship · home · Marriage · Motherhood · Parenting · refreshment at home · Refreshment in marriage

Keeping Children On the Peripheral

June 29, 2017June 29, 2017 RefreshHer2 Comments

Many homes today put the children at the center of the home. Everything revolves around them, their wants, and their preferences. Of course when you have a baby in your home, you have no choice but to make them the center. But often we fail to allow them as they grow to move farther away from the center to the peripheral. Let me explain.

In the book, The Disciplines of the Home by Anne Ortlund, Anne makes a statement I had never heard, but totally agree with and have taught in principle:

“In the home, children should be on the peripheral.”

She goes on to say that if children are at the center, when they are removed, there is a huge gap in the husband/wife relationship. Do you think it’s remotely possible not to make your children the center of your home?
How does one go about not putting them in that place when they require so much time, attention and discipline?

Anne didn’t detail this point, but here are my thoughts –

The children shouldn’t dictate what is going to happen in your home. “I don’t want to go to Pizza Hut for supper! I want to eat at McDonald’s” It’s not that they can’t make the choice sometimes, but when Mom and Dad have made a decision, it should stick.
Mom and Dad need their own time. Children sleeping with their parents should be a rare occasion. Bedtimes give Mom and Dad an opportunity to talk, spend time together playing a game, or share a snack.
Parents need a date night. Don’t let the children’s cries keep you from leaving them occasionally. Let them know you’re going away to make a better home for them.
As the mom, recognize your husband’s needs and make sure you’re meeting those before doing extra things with/for your children. Are you always jumping up to do something for them, and don’t spend time just being with him?
Be sure you’re spending your recreational times together as a couple and not making it the norm for one parent to be running here with one child, and the other taking another child there. Be a family.

We all know that children have many needs – especially when they’re little, but the tendency is to keep allowing them to be needy and being the very center of the family’s circle where the parents ought to be.

Take a good look at the circle of your family; who’s in the middle and who’s on the peripheral? Does there need to be a change?

With love,

Tag: training children