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Family Friday – Marriage Advice from Two Seasoned Marriages

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This week I have had the blessing of spending a few days in Kentucky with my parents.  Family time is always a blessing – even if it includes being here with them during a time of physical issues and tests, like this visit. I also got to see my twin sister and her husband – an added blessing!  We always end up having many long conversations – in the library, in the sun room, around the table at mealtimes and in the living room while we rest comfortably in their lovely and restful home.

Last night I asked questions to each of my parents, my sister and my brother-in-law after we finished supper.  I was thinking about the longevity demonstrated  in the marriages in that room.  My parents are approaching 62 years, my sister and her husband, nearly 39.  My question to each of them was,

What is one piece of advice you would give to married couples to help their marriage endure?

 

Here’s what they said,

Mom ~ “To young married couples, I would say to move away from your parents for at least the first year.  That way if something comes up between you two, you can’t go running home – you have to work it out together.
To  all marriages, I would say something that my mother told me – ‘Never make your children the center of your marriage, because if you do, when they leave home, you’ll be strangers to one another.'”

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Dad ~ “Each of you have to give 100%.  You can’t do what you think is ‘your part’ and think you’ve done enough.  Each has to give 100%.”

Jeff ~  “Learn to laugh and have fun.  Don’t take yourselves too seriously.  Remember, too, that you’ve made a covenant with God to stay together for life.”

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Dianne ~ “Leave your parents and cleave to your mate!  Also out-serve one another.  Rather than wishing he would do this or that, do for him.  Pray for one another!

That’s some good advice!  There’s lots more that all of them could add, but I just asked for one top thing they would tell marriages in order to go the long haul!

Which one of these comments struck a chord in your heart?  Why not ask the Lord to help you implement that characteristic into your marriage beginning today?

Refresh your marriage,

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Family Friday- Your Husband is Worth It!

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When I read in Scripture about some of the men having multiple wives, my heart cringes.  I can’t even imagine the rivalry between “tender-eyed” Leah and lovely Rachel, sisters who both married Jacob. There’s enough right there for all kinds of trouble, right?!

But let’s set all that aside and look at one thing – Jacob noticed that Rachel was beautiful.  He had eyes to see that she was lovely.  Men are visual.  Period.  That is how God made them.  When your husband chose you, he liked – no, he loved what he saw!  What did he see?  Think back to your introduction, or the time when his heart began to be drawn to you.  How did you look to him?

I remember when my husband and I began to date seriously, he would come visit his parents for the weekend, which also happened to be the city where I lived and worked.  Before he left very early on Sunday morning to head back to school, I would get up and get ready for church- shower, hair fixed, and dressed for the service.  I wanted to look my best so he’d remember me that way in the weeks we were apart!  Now obviously, since we’ve been married, he’s seen me LOTS of mornings before makeup and hair and he loves me.  But I would be foolish to remain the plain, unkempt look for the rest of the day!  After I add a bit of makeup and curl my very straight hair, it might not improve much, but it’s better than when I started, and my husband notices!  Why do I do it?  Because my husband is worth it!

I can get a bit weary of the girls on Instagram or blog world who say,

“Here’s my Momiform.  This is just the way it is, folks!”

The caption is under a picture of her with leggings and a baggy t-shirt, hair pulled back in a pony tail and no makeup.  Her message is that life is just too busy, too demanding to do anything else but pull this on and live in it until it’s time for bed.

No one has to be outfitted in finery, or look like a model, but putting on a pair of comfy jeans or pants, a top with some form, a pair of earrings, and five minutes at hair and at least some mascara and lip gloss, would not only make her husband smile, like Jacob looking at Rachel, but would probably also make her feel more energetic and ready for a day of demands before her!  Seriously, getting ready for the day – even if you only have 30 minutes, will make you feel more like some body and doing something!  Why do we do it?  Because our husband is worth it!  

Show your husband that he is worth it by gussying up a bit each day before he comes home.  Wear something he loves to see you wear.  Put on a necklace or scarf with those jeans.  Add a little blush, mascara and lip gloss. Stop making excuses and just do it.  Our husband sees all kinds of women every day that did take the time to look their best…we should too.  Our marriage is worth it!

Is this a difficult assignment?  I Corinthians 13 reminds us not to “seek our own.”  If you were going to put his needs and desires before yours, how would that change your attitude even about your appearance?

Refresh your marriage,

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home · Husband · Marriage · Refreshment in marriage · tongue · Women's roles

Family Friday – Be Kind!

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Sometimes all it takes is a simple request to repeat what I just said to my husband that will do it.  I make a statement, he doesn’t hear and he says,

“What did you say?”

So, out it comes again, only this time it has a razor-sharp edge to it that would make Floyd the barber flinch!

Do I think he purposefully cannot hear me?  Do I really believe his diagnosis of hearing loss was an intentional  plan just to get under my skin?

How ridiculous, yet, sadly, that’s occasionally how I respond!

Why is it often easier to be really kind to people we barely even know than to our spouse?  He’s the one to whom we pledged to love until death, yet we kill him with our sarcastic responses, glaring looks and deathly silences.

 

There are kinder, nice ways of saying something and there are words or tones of voice that I could use that would upset someone.  Your husband is a person, too.  There are kinder, nicer ways of communicating with him and there are ways of setting him off, just by your choice of words or tone of voice.

Today’s encouragement for your family, your marriage, is just this –

Be Kind.

  • There are two ways to say something.  Choose the kinder way.
  • Show him even greater kindness than you would a friend who you love dearly.
  • Smile at him.
  • Forgive him.
  • Listen.
  • Look in his eyes when he speaks.
  • Lend him a hand.
  • Do a favor.
  • Oh, and repeat yourself with the softest tone when he cannot hear you (said Denise to herself!)

Do you find yourself being kinder to others than you are your spouse?  What will you do today to fix that?

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Family life · home · Husband · Marriage · Winter

Family Friday

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Welcome to a new feature on my blog – Family Friday.  I’m beginning this weekly post because one great passion that I have is for the HOME.  Home isn’t the structure in which you live, it’s the people – your family that makes it a home.  But the truth is, there are lots of hard things in every family.

  • Strained marriages
  • Financial woes
  • Parenting stresses
  • Busy schedules
  • Miscommunication
  • In-laws
  • Rebellion
  • Sin

How do we keep home a happy place?  Is it even possible?  Home will never be a perfect place, but yes, a happy home is possible.  I know that it is, based on God’s Word.

So, I’m dedicating Friday’s to Family issues.  From fun date ideas to parenting issues, I am going to strive to give you some encouragement.  It’s not because my home is perfect – as I said earlier, none are!  But based on the fact that home is God’s gift, and His Word is our manual, we can learn what He says about creating a happy home.  Let’s open God’s Word each Friday and get some practical helps that we can apply to our families.

There’s no better time than the present, so let’s start with an idea that will encourage your marriage.

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Fireplace Date – Cold winter nights need a fire.

  • Find somewhere where you can sit by a fireplace – Home,  Starbucks, Panera – anywhere there’s a fireplace!
  • Fix/Buy a hot beverage and a baked good to share
  • Have some fun with one of these activities:
    • Take a game with you to play -Dice for Farkle, Card game, Scrabble tiles for Bananagrams,  etc.  Some Starbucks have board games available for you to use in their store.
    • Before the date night, write up a list of questions on 3×5 cards.  Flip one over at a time and ask your spouse to answer. Here are 25 to get you started!  I found these  great questions on the Internet – one place was Intoxicated on Life. 1.       What are some books you’ve really enjoyed?

      2.       What books would you like to read sometime?

      3.       What are your favorite foods?

      4.       What did you want to be when you grew up?

      5.       What are some of your favorite memories from your childhood?

      6.       What are some of the more difficult memories from your childhood?

      7.       What are your favorite hobbies?

      8.       What did your parents teach you that you appreciate now?

      9.       What did your parents say or do that you found difficult?

      10.     Who is someone that inspires you?

      11.     What do you like us doing together?

      12.     What would you like to do together in future, just the two of us?

      13.     What would you like to do together in future, all of us with the kids too?

      14.     What is your favorite passage of Scripture?

      15.     What is your favorite memory verse?

      16.     What are your greatest strengths?

      17.     What are your greatest weaknesses?

      18.     What overwhelms you?

      19.     What is concerning you?

      20.     What are you fearful of?

      21.    What is the best marriage you’ve ever seen modeled?

      22.    When did you first know you loved me?

      23.    Who are the heroes you look up to?

      24.    What is your earliest childhood memory?

      25.    What is your greatest regret?

    • Make a list of things to do on future date nights
  • Dress in a way that will show you care.  Add a little makeup.  Fix your hair.
  • Hold hands, snuggle up and create a little fire of your own!

I’m open to topics for future Family Friday posts!  Do you have a suggestion or request?  I’d love to hear your ideas, or if this was helpful today.

Keep your marriage refreshed by having a date night!

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Family life · Marriage

Monday Marriage Mattters – December Recap

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As the year comes to a close, I look back on these posts of Monday Marriage Matters and know that we have truly worked on our marriage this past year.  These posts are not simply done for the viewing of the public; they are our lives, our marriage that really, truly matters.  We want to daily be pouring into this God-given gift, so that it is growing, but also so that it is a picture of the Gospel.

Here’s what the last month of our Marriage Matters looked like:

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Christmas mugs. Sweet messages. Full cups and hearts.

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I love making something in my kitchen that I know my husband is going to love. Surprising him when he comes home is a joy that never gets old.

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Happiness is not not found in things, but in relationships. To be married is one of God’s greatest blessings. Why Do people get married and then stop having fun? We should never get over the joy of time together. Oh, and when there’s mistletoe, we use it! “Ban the peck.”

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The work of Christmas is a lot for the wife, but this guy helps me so much when I work in the kitchen. He thanked me for all I did to make Christmas special, but I was quick to remind him that I couldn’t have done it without his help, and It’s So true. We work as a team, each contributing to our home and marriage. It’s not 50/50, it’s 100/100.

What does your marriage look like as you end out 2016?  Is it stronger, deeper and better because you have been intentional?

I pray that these posts have encouraged your marriage this past year.  Take a look back and see other Marriage Matters posts here.

Do something today to show your marriage matters!

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