communication · Marriage

Family Friday – How To Keep Your Marriage Plugged-In

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Plug in a

It happens often – a guest walks into our house and then says,

“Your house always smells so good!”

It always makes me happy to hear that because I want my house to smell good!  There are some routines I do to help accomplish this, but I think the thing that contributes most to the pleasant aroma is that I have these Yankee Plug-in’s all over the house.

Plug in

I love them!  Some have lights and are a little fancier than others that have just the fragrance refill behind a decorative plug, but they all smell really good!

I have a sweet friend who works for Yankee Candle Company who keeps me stocked up in my favorite scents. She also keeps me from using fragrances that won’t mix well together.  Combining Vanilla with a Lilac might not be the best! The candle company calls this, Fragrance layering.  It’s adding just the right combinations to create a pleasant aroma.  I am blessed to have a friend who does the “mixing” perfectly!  I keep a check on the fragrance bottles so I know when the aroma is getting ready to disappear.  I want that fragrance to continue!

Last week when another guest mentioned how good our house smelled, the Lord brought to my mind that a happy marriage also has a wonderful aroma!  It’s noticeable to others, and it happens in the same way that my house smells good – we must stay plugged-in!  Oh, not to the wall outlet, but plugged-into one another, which just means, closely connected; in touch with what is going on; informed; involved.  Easier said than done with today’s “crazy-busy” schedules, right?  It may seem difficult, but let me give you a few ways that you and your spouse can stay plugged in!

  1. At the beginning of the day, share with your spouse what your days holds and ask about his day.
    1. Are there burdens on your heart that he could pray for while you’re apart?
    2. Where will you be going?
    3. How long will you be gone?
    4. With whom will you spend your day (or appointment?)
    5. Is there a decision that needs to be discussed before you leave – perhaps about finances or what an upcoming event?
    6. Never part without saying, “I love you” and giving a kiss.
  3. During the day, let him know if anything changes in your plans.  Call or text to keep him informed.
    1. Will you be late?
    2. Are you going somewhere else?
    3. Did something unexpected come up?
    4. Don’t just text about obligatory things!  You can flirt with him in your text – he’s your husband!
      One day last week when I was in the store I saw a Valentine that was perfect for him, but I already had one to give him.  I took a picture of the front of it and sent it via a text!
  5. At the end of the day, ask questions about his day – the demands he had on him, the appointment, the problem, the blessings that occurred. Be ready to share your day, if he asks.  If he doesn’t, realize that it’s all about timing.  Be patient.
  6. Routinely, add other means of care and communication. You might call this the fragrance “layering.”  It’s when you add more than one action or response to demonstrate your interest in his  life.
    1. Drop a card in the mail and send it to his work, if possible.  If not, leave it for him – in his dresser, closet, Bible, or by his coffee cup.  Let him know in the card that you care deeply about the things that touch his life.
    2. Keep your calendars in sync.  Whether you do it electronically or on a paper calendar, have a place where both of you know what is coming up in the future.  for example, vacation schedules, work trips, medical appointments, etc.
    3. Communicate all financial decisions.  You are a team.  Never make a purchase and hide it until later.  Be up-front and transparent.
    4. Praying together daily helps to share what’s really on your hearts.  If he doesn’t initiate it, sweetly ask if you could pray together.  If he says, no, just pray the Lord will move in his heart in the days ahead.  For the time being, regularly ask how you might pray for him.
    5. Be affectionate and loving.
    6. Look him in the eyes when he’s speaking.
    7. Touch him – hold hands, rub his back, put your arm through his when you’re walking. Touch communicates!
    8. Share with him the things you are learning in God’s Word and how it is changing you.
    9. When you are able to accompany your husband on an outing, an extra activity he has to do, or a fun venture he’s excited about, like a ballgame or hike (did I just say that?!) go!

I’m pretty sure we all want our marriages to “smell wonderful” because we’re plugged-in to our spouse!  Maybe today is a good day to check the bottle to see if you need to add a refill!

In what way do you purposefully stay plugged-in to your spouse?

My husband and I are headed to The Wilds today where he will be the speaker for the Sweetheart Overnight Retreat.  Pray for us, would you?  Thank you in advance!

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Responding to trials

Fruitful in Affliction

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Sunrise aa

Many years ago a group of people brought false charges against my husband.  It was shockingly unthinkable to me.  I couldn’t believe people would deliberately do things to harm another’s reputation.  I was (obviously) very young to be so naive.  All I needed to do was look in the book of Genesis to see what man will do to promote themselves and destroy another.

In Genesis 37 we begin to read about the seeming decline of Joseph, a son of Jacob, who was favored by his father and therefore hated by his brothers.  After telling them of a dream he had whereby the brothers were bowing to him, the brothers couldn’t wait to help Joseph’s dream and his life get snuffed out.

They sold him to a group of men who would sell Joseph as a slave.  Things continued to go downward as he was thrown into prison after being lied about by a woman whose motives were evil.  He was also forgotten by friends who could have helped his prison time to have been shortened.

When you get to chapter 41, we read how Joseph summarized these hard years of his life:

And the name of the second called he (Joseph) Ephraim: For God hath caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction.

FRUITFUL in his affliction!!  When I remember the time of our affliction, I don’t know I can actually say I was fruitful.  Maybe I’d call it, In survival mode. I remember how often my thoughts stayed on those hurting us and their evil deeds. Their words and actions  replayed in my mind like an LP with a scratch. Over and over, I’d rehearse the same lie, the same ugly dispositions before me.  How I wish I could have had Joseph’s response instead so that I might have bore fruit instead of fatigue, spirituality instead of sighing, growth instead of grumbling!

How did he do it and how can you be fruitful in the time of your affliction?  I found the answers recently as I was rereading Joseph’s story.

  1. Stay near to God.  Genesis 38:3 And his master saw that the Lord was with him, and that the Lord made all that he did to prosper in his hand. Joseph was keenly aware that the only way he could survive any/all of this was to draw strength and wisdom from the Lord.  That’s the only way we can, too.
  2. Obey immediately anything God says to do.  He submitted to any that were over him in an attitude of obedience and humility.  He came when he was to come.  He stayed when he was to stay.  Obedience is key.
  3. Don’t focus on self.  It amazes me that while Joseph is in prison, he sees two faces before him – the butler and baker who had gotten on the wrong side of Pharaoh and were now sharing Joseph’s prison cell.
    When Joseph woke up one morning, he noticed they both looked sad and he inquired as to why their countenances were downcast.  Instead of pitying his own situation, he took pity on these two who had had a fitful sleep, due to their odd dreams.  Wow.  That is  a slap in the face to me.  It’s so easy to zero in on my problem and never realize that someone right in front of me is dealing with something hard.
  4. Give the glory to God. Joseph said to Pharaoh, It is not in me: God shall give Pharaoh an answer of peace. He was quick to remind himself and others that he could do nothing without the Lord’s help.  This one is key as to how you and I can handle our trials in a wise way and end up like Joseph did.  Always point others to God – that’s our responsibility and privilege.

I’m not looking for another conflict, but I’m old and wise enough to know injustices and trials will continue to come my way.  This will now be a prayer request for myself when it happens –

Oh, Lord, help me, like Joseph, to be fruitful in the land of my affliction.

Are you in a difficulty right now?  I’d urge you to ask God to help you to respond like Joseph so this time will be a fertile, fruit-bearing time in your life.

Which of these four principles is hardest for you when you’re in a time of trial?

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Breakfast That is “Love In a Jar”
breakfast · Fast meal · Make-Ahead

Breakfast That is “Love In a Jar”

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oatmeal 6a

Yep, you read that right – love in a jar!  That quote came from my husband when I fixed these cute little Instant Oatmeal Jars to have ready for his breakfast.  He LOVES a good bowl of hot oatmeal with fruit and a handful of nuts.

Our morning routines find my husband downstairs with coffee and Bible, and me upstairs.  Because of this, he often starts our breakfast.  This winter he had gotten really proficient at making up a couple of servings of oatmeal for us to have each morning!  That is saying a lot for a guy who only feels confident enough to make about three things – Scrambled eggs, French toast and …okay, make that two!  Though he’d learned the simple art of cooking the Quick oats, I thought I’d make it even a little easier without purchasing those nasty packets of Instant Oatmeal.

Here was the result: Instant Oatmeal Jars

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The blessing of having the jars already filled is that there’s no measuring or finding a pan or the additives.  Just open a jar, add a cup of boiling water and let it set for 4-5 minutes.  Voila!  It’s done!  You can be as creative with flavors and additions as your taste buds allow.  I made up several jars and have them in the pantry ready for any morning we’re hungry for oatmeal!

Here’s how I made mine:

Instant Oatmeal Jars

1/2 C Quick cooking oats
1 Tbl Craisins
1Tbl Chopped nuts
Dash of salt
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1 Tbl brown sugar

Keep in a tightly closed jar until ready to use!

When ready to use:

  1. Add 1 cup boiling water (you could use milk instead) to the jar.
  2. Stir.
  3. Replace lid and let set for 4-5 minutes.
  4. Add other fresh fruits as desired. Eat!

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Here is the process in pictures:
1.
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2.
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3.
Oatmeal

4.

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We love blueberries, bananas and/or strawberries in our oatmeal!

This would make a great breakfast for a busy morning!  You could take the jar out the door with you, if needed.  Everything is contained and could be sealed back up when empty!

The first morning my husband had his “jar of oatmeal,” he sent me a text while I was getting ready upstairs.  It read,

“Now that’s love in a jar right there!”


That made me smile!! I’m on the lookout for freeze-dried fruits to add to my next batches.  I wonder what he’ll say about that?! I can’t wait to hear!

What would you add to a jar of oatmeal?  Peanut butter?  Coconut?  I’d love to hear!

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Dates · Marriage

Family Friday – Make the Effort for Marriage Get-Away’s

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homestead 9

Work.  Hardly anything in this life comes without it, including a good marriage.  It takes both spouses giving, caring, respecting, sharing, planning and moving to action.

One important attribute to a healthy, growing marriage is time together without other distractions – children, work, pressures, responsibilities or cell phones buzzing.  Some would shake their head and say, “There’s no way that could happen!”  It will take work, but you can make it happen.

I’m so appreciative that over the 36 years of our marriage, my husband has always carved out time for us to share alone time.  When our girls were home, it might only be an hour out for coffee, but it was time away that we needed.  As they grew older, we went away for an overnight reprieve a couple times a year.  Then we even began every other year going away for a week at the time of our anniversary.    There was always lots of work on both our parts to make these times happen, but when we came home refreshed, more in love, and also ready to jump back into parenting and ministry obligations and pressures, we knew it was well worth it.

Now that we’re empty nesters, we continue to make time to go away.  Oh, we have the house all to ourselves, and we’re alone, but the pressures and responsibilities are still around us at home.  It takes leaving town to be able to focus and spend quality time together.

I’d love to encourage those of you who are married to work hard at planning get-away’s so you can talk uninterrupted, have fun, go places you’ve dreamed about, and strengthen your marriage in the process!  Here are some suggestions, starting with short times away, leading to longer excursions.

Short times away:

  • Drive-In to a place like Sonic.  Order then sit in the car and enjoy some alone time.
  • Take a game like Farkle  or Tenzi  (just learned about this game – lots of fun!) to Starbucks.  Have coffee and play the game together.
  • Go to the bookstore or library and look at books about a place you’d like to travel together.
  • If you’re coffee lovers, try to hit all the coffee shops in your area over a period of six months, visiting a different one each time you date.  Try different coffee drinks.  If you’re not a coffee-lover, try out ice cream places!!
  • Pack a picnic lunch and drive to a pretty spot and enjoy it in the car. Talk.  Listen to music.  Be still.

Little ones at home:

  • Reserve a hotel at a town near you. Get a babysitter for the night.  Spend overnight and grab breakfast before heading home. You’ll be close enough if you’re needed at a moment’s notice.
  • Attend a family camp at a place like The Wilds.  They have weekend retreats or week-long camps.  Childcare is provided during preaching sessions.  You can be refreshed and so will your children, in a safe environment that will build your marriage and your family!

Longer times away:

  • Plan for a week away for a significant anniversary.  The anticipation of that planned trip is half the fun!  Make plans in advance so you can get things arranged at home, but also so you can look forward to that time away!
  • Look during the off-season for places to stay that would normally be out of your price range.  Booking time to stay there then not only reduces the cost, it also reduces the noise and distractions!

Last week was my husband’s birthday and we went away for a two-night excursion.  My parents had told us for years about The Homestead in Hot Springs, VA.  We had looked into it before, but felt it was out of our price range.  Around Christmastime my husband saw on the Internet that they were running some great deals in the wintertime.  So, we decided then to book a room for his January birthday.  Oh, my!  The time there was so refreshing and wonderful!  I’ll give you a little peek into our stay:

The historic inn is stunning from the first view!

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The entrance of the hotel is breathtaking!  Every day from 3:00 – 4:00 they serve Tea in this gorgeous lobby!

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The first afternoon Cranberry Scones were served with each cup of tea. Yum!!

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A second-floor view of the lobby.

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The spa pool with mineral springs – This is an additional fee, so we opted out!

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However, the outdoor pool and hot tub had water that was 85° and 105°.  Spite the fact that is was 48° outside, we decided to go for it, and we had a lovely soak in the hot water! We also made a special memory swimming outside on such a cool day!!

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God is so good to allow us time away at such a lovely place at such a great reduced price!

Keep your eyes open for great deals on special places during their slow season. Then make plans and look forward to a special get-away!

Whether it’s a Coke at Sonic or a night at a resort, the best part is spending time with your spouse!  Every marriage needs it!

What will you plan in the near future?

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