Three Things You Can Do Today To Improve You Marriage

February 26, 2021February 25, 2021 RefreshHerLeave a comment

Like any relationship, marriage can get into a rut. It sounds the same as when you hit those rumble strips on the interstate. It’s irritating, and it makes you move over, but often it’s not long before you hear that roar again. Why? Because you’re kind of daydreaming your way through your marriage.

It’s easy to “fall asleep at the wheel” and not make the efforts in your relationship that you used to make when things were new and fresh. But I have good news for you today! If you’re still breathing and your husband also has breath, things can change TODAY! Let me make three simple suggestions – all that are doable today and cost nothing except your intentionality!

SMILE DAILY (use your lips and your eyes to smile!)
When he walks in the door. Smile.
While you’re listening to him. Smile.
When you’re telling him about your day. Smile.
When you see him across the room. Smile.
It’s easier to be too busy to even look up at one another. It’s easier to furrow our brows and scowl. SMILE instead.
A merry heart doeth good like a medicine. Proverbs 17:22
MAKE MORE DEPOSITS INTO YOUR MARRIAGE THAN WITHDRAWALS EACH DAY
Deposit a compliment instead of criticism. Instead of fussing about the negative thing you’re thinking about, give a compliment of something in which he made you proud.
Deposit help instead of looking to receive help. I believe husbands should help their wife, but what would happen if we volunteered to run an errand, lift a load, or do a chore for him? Would we look like Christ in our sacrifice?
Deposit affection instead of pulling away physically and emotionally. Put away that cold shoulder, little peck, or icy back. Pull the wall down with the warmth of your affection.
Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.
PRAY FOR YOUR HUSBAND FOR AT LEAST FIVE MINUTES EVERY DAY.
Pray about the things that irritate you.
Pray about the weaknesses in your relationship.
Pray for his burdens, pressures and obligations.
Pray for your hearts to be knit together stronger than ever.
Luke 18:1 – Men (women) aught always to pray and not to faint.

Dear wife, I’m convinced that if we would practice these three initiatives DAILY we would have happy husbands, which would equal happy wives, and that boils down to a happy marriage! Try it and tell me about your results!

Refresh your marriage TODAY!

Making a Marriage Last, Part 2

October 16, 2020October 15, 2020 RefreshHer4 Comments

Last week I shared some of the many ways my husband demonstrates his love to me. Not only is it a great blessing to me, it’s also a nudge to me to keep my own demonstrations active each day we’re married. I promised I would share at least five more ways he demonstrates his love towards me – gestures that make a marriage strong and lasting. So, let’s go!

Yep, these roses were a recent gift from my sweet husband.

He protects me. Last week while I was taking my morning walk, I called him, alarmed at a car driving slowly up and down my country lane. Minutes later he sent me a text, “You okay?” When I didn’t answer within 30 seconds, he called me to ask the same question. He doesn’t smother me, but he lovingly protects me with gestures that remind me I’m not alone in life.
He reminds me that he wants to spend time with me. Recently we realized that our mornings were getting consumed without us getting to spend time together first thing in the day. He asked if we could rearrange our morning routines so we could have that time together before the day got too busy. Wow, that spoke volumes to my heart. After 39 years, he still wants to spend quality time together!
He still enjoys just having fun together. We play games, sing love songs in the car, ride bikes, go on picnics, hold hands while walking, share our meals together at the table, talk and share our hearts, enjoy a sappy movie, and laugh lots.
He is such a servant leader. He constantly takes a back seat to his own needs so he can serve me. No matter how I refuse or want him to put himself and his own needs first, he always serves me first. He seats me at the table, opens the car door for me, brings me my morning coffee, carries anything I have in my hands, makes sure I have breakfast, the best seat, or whatever the pressing need is at the moment.
He points me to our Heavenly Father. This is truly the greatest way to keep a marriage strong. Without the Lord, any marriage is weak because we’re depending on our own flesh. So every day Dale guides me spiritually. He shares what he is reading, what he’s praying for me and others, and he lives out personally what he talks about. He has shown me so much about how to live the Christian life with boldness and joy. He has helped me grow towards Christ in incredible ways.

Not only am I thankful for my husband’s loving demonstrations, I’m rebuked by them. I often say, “I don’t do nearly as much for you as you do for me.” Trying to out-do your spouse in loving gestures is a good thing and a good way to make your marriage last!

What could you do this weekend as a simple reminder to your spouse of your love for him?

Marriage · Refreshment in marriage

Making a Marriage Last

October 9, 2020October 7, 2025 RefreshHer10 Comments

These posts are 99% written with women in mind. I want to encourage the hearts of women. HOWEVER, today’s post is not just a time to be grateful for my husband or just to help women, I also hope to encourage men in their role as the helpmeet to their wife. So perhaps you could send this post on to your brother or other men in your world. I trust this will strengthen marriages!

I loved my husband dearly when we got married 39 years ago, but every day he makes me fall in love with him over and over! He is not perfect, and we have our times, like every couple, but he is such a blessing to me every single day. There have been times I’ve kiddingly asked,

Am I dying? Why do you treat me so well?!

I totally do not deserve it, but I am very aware of God’s blessing and grace in my life in the form of my dear husband, Dale. It’s all the little things that make a marriage last the long haul. It’s the daily investments that make it stronger and give one another security in the relationship.

This week I’ve been “following him around” and snapping mental pictures of the many ways he is a blessing to me, of the ways he invests in me and our marriage. He had no idea I was doing this, and this is not our anniversary or my birthday. The things I’m going to share with you are normal for him. This is how I “caught him” pouring into my life…

Sentimentality – He leaves “Love is” cartoons for me all over the place. For years he has been cutting them out of the paper and putting them in my purse, my suitcase, on the mirror, the fridge – everywhere. They are always so sweet and speak into our marriage so perfectly.

2. Help with the housework – This is our home, our laundry, our messes and he so graciously and willingly offers help with some of the chores. I usually always start a load of laundry each morning, but if he sees that it has stopped, he will put it in the dryer or fold it if it’s finished. He also vacuums most of the time, which is a huge blessing. It really does make me feel like this is a dual-occupancy, rather than just me keeping all the wheels going.

3. Spiritual leadership – I’m so grateful for the times we spend in the Word together. He has been intentional about reading from God’s Word and a devotional book together, usually in the morning (it’s hard to make it happen later in the busy day!). He also prays with me each night before we go to sleep. Many times he has taken me by the hand to pray with me about a burden or pressing need in my life. What a blessing this part of our relationship is!

4. Help in the kitchen – He always cleans up the kitchen after every meal. He appreciates my efforts to cook, and this is how he expresses his gratitude.

5. Help with decisions – I’m the world’s best with coming up with “great ideas!” He’s so good about getting excited with me about a plan I have to rearrange furniture or re-do a room. This week he visited a furniture store with me as I was looking for a new sofa for our family room (more about that in another post). He was patient. He helped me think through what would be best in that room. So many times, he just helps me think. I may be trying to decide what to do in my already busy day, or how I can minister in a certain way, and he will very easily come up with a 1,2,3 answer. I tease him that it’s always a three point answer, given his calling as a pastor! But his input is always so helpful. Also, he’s okay if I decide to make another choice. That takes humility.

I have at least five more reasons he gives me to love him more every day, but you’ll have to come back next Friday to read those!

What does your husband do that is investing in your marriage? I hope you tell him often how grateful you are!

If your husband needs help with these areas, pray. Also, ask God to help YOU pour into his life and your marriage and watch what happens!

Refresh your marriage with what you can contribute to your marriage today.

Celebrations · Marriage · Refreshment in marriage

Anniversary Moments

June 19, 2020June 19, 2020 RefreshHer16 Comments

Our 39th Anniversary is tomorrow, June 20th. How in the world?!

We started our celebration on Tuesday when we had a spur of the moment opportunity to go to Pigeon Forge and stay at the Wilderness Wyndham for four nights! Yes, please!! This was a special blessing after our summer vacation got cancelled, due to the virus. We had been praying the Lord would open up a time for us to be able to celebrate our anniversary and this was the perfect get away!

We had no specific plans – only be together, rest and celebrate US!

This Wyndham has lots of fire pits on the property and with the temps dipping into the 60’s, we took advantage of the warmth of the fires!

Our favorite restaurant is Pottery House Cafe. Due to Covid, they have put outdoor tables in front of the restaurant in addition to their back patio. One table was put inside the gazebo. We didn’t know it at the time, but each of had asked the Lord if He would be so gracious as to allow us to be seated at that table. After our 30 minute wait, our names were called and they headed straight towards the gazebo! It was so beautiful and romantic. It also protected us from the sprinkles that came while we were eating our meal. The Lord is so kind to us.

My husband suggested we come up with 39 of our favorite memories during our time away. He recorded each one on his phone. How special it was to recount so many blessings of dates, trips and special moments over the years. God has been faithful through all the years in the good and hard times.

We don’t do events in the area, we just pick a spot for our main meal, shop a little, sit and enjoy one another and the place where we’re staying. We read, journal, nap, chat, and create more memories.

If that sounds boring to you, you’re terribly wrong. Spending time together is what we got married to do. He’s my favorite person and “we like us.”

Here’s to many more memories!

Did your vacation get cancelled, too? Pray about how the Lord might open up a time for you and your spouse to get away and watch what an almighty God will do!

Refreshment in marriage · The Scenic Route

Travels on the Scenic Route

June 5, 2020June 4, 2020 RefreshHer8 Comments

Taking the Scenic Route in marriage is not just going the long way to get somewhere, it’s being intentional about spending time together as a couple. It’s about doing something on a whim. It’s about being two, but one…talking, sharing time, making a memory and adding to the blessing of your marriage, all while perhaps also taking a long or new path to get to your destination.

We’ve had lots of home scenic route journies during the Coronavirus, but what a blessing to be able to make a quick trip to Kentucky this week to visit my parents and also take the scenic route! My husband and I wanted to go see my parents, but didn’t want to stay “with” them, due to Covid 19. Though it was odd to just go up for the day, I was thankful to get to be with them in their home for lunch, and then have the blessing of taking them on a country drive!

My husband has a sixth sense about directions. He just took a back road and got us exactly where we needed to end up! He’s pretty amazing! My parents live near Lexington, Ky in the beautiful rolling hills. Our drive took us past some lovely horse farms and acreage.

When we finished our visit and left my parent’s home, we headed to Berea. We could have stayed at a chain hotel, but taking the Scenic Route led us to stay at the historic Boone Tavern. It’s so quaint and lovely. It was quiet (well after the protesters were sent home) and we enjoyed our stay!

We could have gone to Cracker Barrel and had breakfast, but taking the Scenic Route led us to eat at the Tavern. It was so delicious – albeit, quite different, due to the Coronavirus’ restrictions. The food was still superb and the service top-notch!

Pardon the funny expression on my husband’s face, I think I caught him between words! Dale was reading some Scripture to me while we enjoyed our coffee and waited for our food.

When we left Berea, Dale decided to hit the scenic route and drive over Clinch Mountain instead of our normal route. He had heard about its beauty, and also a quaint place we could get a late lunch in an article in Blue Ridge Magazine.
The Clinch Mountain Lookout Restaurant was obviously right in front of the mountain views! The Scenic Route led us to eat our delicious hamburger outside where we could enjoy the scenery!

This was our view from our outside table!

It took a little while for our meal to be prepared, but that’s one thing about the Scenic Route – you have to take time to slow down. While we waited, we sat in the porch swing overlooking the mountains and the lake below. We certainly couldn’t complain about that!

The burger was worth waiting for…

We always split a meal – and half of this lunch was plenty! We had a Dr. Pepper Burger. It had pepper bacon on it and a coffee rub. Wow!

We made some good memories, we got to slow down, we found a new restaurant to eat in, and we learned a new route we’d love to travel again! These are all perks of taking the Scenic Route!

This weekend when you and your spouse head out, why take the straight path to your destination when you could have taken the Scenic Route? You’ll be glad you made the effort!

If you enjoyed this post, you can see other Scenic Route trips here, here, and here for starters!