That Special Child

August 13, 2021August 11, 2021 RefreshHer2 Comments

This week I heard a message by Chuck Swindoll that just stopped me in my tracks. Part of the reason is because of the Truths of the Word of God that must be applied to my own life as I continue in sanctification. He spoke from Matthew 15 when Jesus was answering the question the disciples asked about who would be the greatest among them. Do you remember what Jesus did?

He brought a little child and set them in the middle of the group of disciples. He told them, If you want to enter the Kingdom of heaven, you must become like that little child ~

Unpretentious,
Full of trust
No agenda
No hidden desires
No secret sin
No guile
Authentic humility

Matthew 18 goes on to say ~

Beware that you don’t look down on any of these little ones.

It’s easy to look down on a child, isn’t it?
They can seem insignificant.
They can be difficult to deal with.
They are needy.

But Jesus values children. He says we must be like them to be saved. We admit our sinfulness like a child. We trust like a child. We love like a child.

Are you valuing the children in your life? Perhaps they are the children in your home. Maybe they’re your grandchildren. Are there children in your neighborhood? Do you bump into youngsters at church or the park or the grocery store?

Each one is important. Each one has special gifts. Each one has a need for Jesus. Do you see them? Do you take time to speak to them, to make them feel important and noticed? Or do you overlook them?

Then there are other children. Here’s what Chuck Swindoll says about them…

There are those who are weak and fragile and they can’t keep up.
Then you slow down. Take time for them. See the value in them. I love the scene where Jesus talks about future rewards and says,

Matthew 25:40 I was sick and you brought me something to eat. I was in prison and you visited me. I was thirsty and you brought me something cool to drink,
The one hearing it said,

When did we bring you something to eat, or see you in prison and visit you, and when did we bring you something cool to drink?
Jesus’ answer is,
Inasmuch as you’ve done it unto the least of these, you’ve done it unto Me.

Inasmuch as you’ve done it to these who couldn’t keep up,
these with special needs,
these with congenital brain damage,
these with physical conditions that hinder them from being able to run like the other children,
or to have coordinated bodies like other fast-moving and well-coordinated kiddos.
Guard against devaluing a child or discounting them.

Every child is precious to God. Every child is valuable just the way they were born. Don’t lessen their importance in your home – or in this very world. He or she may be just the one to turn this world upside down for Jesus Christ simply because of their “special-ness”.

Children have a way of reaching the hearts of people like none other. See them for the treasure they are and thank God that He brought them into your life so you could watch the things God will do through them and their unique gifts.

Let’s esteem children, every single one of them, as much as Jesus does.

Child training · Parenting

How To Build Confidence In Your Child

March 3, 2021March 1, 2021 RefreshHer4 Comments

There are lots of things that I forget – like why I’ve gone downstairs, the name of a visitor at church, or sometimes my own age, but there are particular memories that stick in my mind like concreted stepping stones in a garden.

One such memory is when I got my first job at the age of 16. I was to be the person up front at Hardee’s restaurant. Understand that this was back in the days before computerized cash registers. I was to write down the order correctly, bag it up, take the money owed and return the correct amount of change.

I was a bit fearful about the last in that list of tasks, and my wise mom knew just how to help me. She gathered up some currency and a fist full of change, and we practiced. She was the customer, and I the restaurant employee. She didn’t make it easy, either. She would give me $15.02 when her bill was $12.57. She taught me to count backwards, first deducting the two cents from the fifty-seven. Now their total as $12.55 – it was from that total that I would make change. She would make me count it out loud, starting with the .55. “Fifty-five, sixty, seventy, seventy five, thirteen dollars, (and handing over two ones) fourteen, fifteen.” Total change was 2 dollars and forty-five cents. That kind of practice with her made me confident to go to work. On my first day at my job, my cash register was ten cents off at the end of a busy day. I was proud of that, but sought to perfect that during my time there.

I took that practicing idea with me into my own parenting days, understanding that practice at home gives a child confidence when they go into the world to accomplish a task that seems daunting. Here are some of the things we practiced:

I would have my girls use our play phones and practice making calls to 911, reporting that their mommy had fallen and needed help!
We practiced speaking to people at church or visitors that were coming to our home. “How will you greet Mrs. So-and-So? Look her in the eye, and speak up so she can hear you say your name. “Let’s try that again.”
We practiced walking in a lady-like manner
We practiced asking questions to an employer from whom they would seek a job.
We practiced sharing a testimony at church.
We practiced how to care for a child they were babysitting.

Practice does indeed bring progress, but it also gives confidence and the know-how to do the right thing when called upon.

What is your child/teen facing in the near future? Are you teaching them adequately so that they will feel prepared? Of course, we need to remind them to depend on the Lord’s help, but it is our job to give them the tools they need so they will be qualified and able to do all things heartily as unto the Lord (Colossians 3:23).

How do you practice situations with your children ahead of time?

Family life · Marriage · Parenting

Four Lies You May Be Believing About Your Family

November 6, 2020November 1, 2020 RefreshHer6 Comments

One lovely evening we invited friends to come over after church. We sat around our fire pit watching the flames spit embers upwards and the smoke billow into the night sky. Then to get the group talking, my husband suggested we play a game called, Two Truths and a Lie. Each person has to come up with two truths about themselves that others might not know, and then throw a lie in there somewhere. We were to guess which one was the lie. Do you know what the hardest part of that game is?

It’s not hard to come up with a lie – it’s difficult to come up with two truths to share!!!!

Not only is that true in a game – it’s also true in real life! It’s just easier for us to listen to a lie than for us to listen to (and believe) the truth!

After our game was over, the fire put out, and my week got started, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve encountered someone believing a lie in their life! Could you identify one you might be believing about your family? There are many, but here are four lies I think are running rampant in our homes:

This marriage is a mistake.
Things will never change.
My child will go through the typical phases (like terrible two’s and teen rebellion).
This stage of life is going to last forever!

Let’s counteract those lies with Truth:

This marriage is a mistake. Once you said, “I do,” you marriage became a covenant between you and your spouse and God. No matter the situation and happenings before you got married, God doesn’t want you to ditch this marriage – this covenant after you pledged your life and love! He wants you to stay married and display the Gospel – Forgiveness, mercy, and grace. When we promise to love ’til death, God desires we allow Him to work in our marriage because it IS His will.
So today –Commit yourself to this marriage and stop thinking about what it would be like to be with someone else, or in another circumstance. Pour yourself into this marriage like it was the first day you were married. Make a difference in your husband’s life today!Matthew 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder (separate).
Things will never change. The previous truth about marriage isn’t meant to make you feel hopeless. To say, “Things will never change” is to doubt an omnipotent God! He is able to do MORE than we can ask or think. As long as you are living – there is hope, because God is also alive and on the Throne!
So today – Trust Him to answer and intervene in your life! Keep praying, believing and watching for what an all-powerful God can do!
Luke 1:37 For with God nothing shall be impossible.
My child will go through all the typical phases. Your child was uniquely designed and created. They were born with an old sin nature that will need to be dealt with. A strong-willed child needs a different kind of approach than a child who is withdrawn. But with biblical guidance and prayer, they could completely bypass those “expected” kinds of behavior. Every child has a will and when that will is bent towards Christ and obedience at an early age, they won’t be little angels, but could avoid much heartache they could cause for themselves.
So today – Train your child in God’s Word and ways. Surround them with godly people, biblical discipline and teaching, places and activities that will be the Truth their young heart needs.
II Timothy 3:15 And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.
This stage of life is going to last forever! I know that when you’re changing diapers, chasing toddlers all day, caring for an elderly parent, or dealing with a hard season in your marriage, you think it’s never going to end, but I’m here to tell you there will could be day when you will look back and realize how quickly the time passed!

Think back to something you did two years ago. Perhaps it was a significant birthday, a special vacation or a wedding. Doesn’t that seem like FOREVER ago? Life is fleeting. Children grow up. Changes smooth out eventually. So what do we need to do? Learn to enjoy today. Look for the blessing in the opportunity before you.

When my mother-in-law had lung cancer, I cared for her in Hospice care in our home. During those long days, I was exhausted and felt very overwhelmed and wondered how I could keep going. But in six very short weeks, she was in heaven and I was thankful for each day we got to care for her and spend time with her. I look back on that time and it seems so short! I don’t remember the hard things nearly like I remember the blessings! I remember reading Randy Alcorn’s book, Heaven to my mother-in-law. I remember the night my husband and I got to go to a Bed and breakfast for a night away to rest in the middle of this time, and I remember the blessing of friends who helped by bringing meals, and came and sat with her so I could attend church. Nothing on this earth lasts forever.
So today – In the midst of long work hours that your husband is pulling, leaving you alone, or while you’re waiting for God to bring you a spouse, or while you’re cleaning up chocolate milk from the walls and floors, look up and find something for which you can be thankful! Look for the blessings and keep a mind on the truth that the clock is ticking! Remember, too, that Christ could come at any moment and it will ALL be over, and forever more we’ll be rejoicing!
James 4:14 Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.

Thinking the Truth takes intentional effort. Keep your heart focused on that which is right. As Jesus said, The truth will set you free!

Refresh yourself with truth about your family,

Discipleship · home · Marriage · Motherhood · Parenting · refreshment at home · Refreshment in marriage

Keeping Children On the Peripheral

June 29, 2017June 29, 2017 RefreshHer2 Comments

Many homes today put the children at the center of the home. Everything revolves around them, their wants, and their preferences. Of course when you have a baby in your home, you have no choice but to make them the center. But often we fail to allow them as they grow to move farther away from the center to the peripheral. Let me explain.

In the book, The Disciplines of the Home by Anne Ortlund, Anne makes a statement I had never heard, but totally agree with and have taught in principle:

“In the home, children should be on the peripheral.”

She goes on to say that if children are at the center, when they are removed, there is a huge gap in the husband/wife relationship. Do you think it’s remotely possible not to make your children the center of your home?
How does one go about not putting them in that place when they require so much time, attention and discipline?

Anne didn’t detail this point, but here are my thoughts –

The children shouldn’t dictate what is going to happen in your home. “I don’t want to go to Pizza Hut for supper! I want to eat at McDonald’s” It’s not that they can’t make the choice sometimes, but when Mom and Dad have made a decision, it should stick.
Mom and Dad need their own time. Children sleeping with their parents should be a rare occasion. Bedtimes give Mom and Dad an opportunity to talk, spend time together playing a game, or share a snack.
Parents need a date night. Don’t let the children’s cries keep you from leaving them occasionally. Let them know you’re going away to make a better home for them.
As the mom, recognize your husband’s needs and make sure you’re meeting those before doing extra things with/for your children. Are you always jumping up to do something for them, and don’t spend time just being with him?
Be sure you’re spending your recreational times together as a couple and not making it the norm for one parent to be running here with one child, and the other taking another child there. Be a family.

We all know that children have many needs – especially when they’re little, but the tendency is to keep allowing them to be needy and being the very center of the family’s circle where the parents ought to be.

Take a good look at the circle of your family; who’s in the middle and who’s on the peripheral? Does there need to be a change?

With love,

Christian growth · Christian Life · Discipleship · Family life · Heaven · Motherhood · Parenting

Preparing a Child’s Heart To Know Christ

June 23, 2017June 23, 2017 RefreshHer1 Comment

I’m thrilled that gardening season is here! Each day I enjoy going outside and tending to each potted plant, window box and flowering bed. I pull off dead blooms, fluff the tender foliage so it will hang beautifully over the edge of the pot, and then give a gentle showering of water so it can soak into the roots, adding growth. From time to time I also add Miracle Grow – a plant food that speeds up the growing process and makes sure the plants are healthy. The results are beautiful!!

As we’ve talked all week about a child being saved, every one of the steps above, regarding tending a plant, could be applied to bringing a child to the place where they understand their need for Jesus Christ to be their Savior. We need to harvest the garden of their hearts so it will be their early understanding that they are sinners who are in need.

Making the plant application, let’s look at a few practical ways that parents can help their children get to that point early on in life.

Pull off dead blooms – This involves seeing that something is in their life that shouldn’t be and literally “nipping it in the bud!” =) When they disobey, for instance, we don’t overlook it or redirect their attention to a “better option,” NO! That sin must be dealt with in a biblical manner. Even from the time they’re very young they should understand that obeying isn’t simply making mommy a happier person – obeying mommy means you’re obeying God! Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Galatians 6:1 Teach them that simple verse by saying it each time they disobey you.

“Disobedience is sin. Each time you disobey Mommy, you’re sinning against God. But God loves you. Let’s ask Him to help you obey.”

Using God’s Word as your guide, teach the child that what they’re doing is sin that makes God sad. “You needed a Savior so God sent Jesus to die for your sin!” You don’t have to preach a message, just those simple statements about God’s holiness (you didn’t say it that way, but that’s what you’re teaching) and His love, points them to their need for Jesus when they sin.
Fluff the tender foliage. Encourage any tenderness the child shows towards their sin. Let them cry, but then comfort them and remind them that God loves them and so do you, and God wants to help them NOT sin. Any time they want to move forward in an invitation, or they ask questions in family devotions, encourage that! Listen. Answer their questions. Be supportive!
Give a gentle showering of water to encourage growth. Sprinkle truths about God, His Word and the application of it through everything you do each day. It’s far more meaningful to see a mom live out the Gospel each day and share out of the overflow, than to occasionally get a “lecture” every now and then from an inconsistent life. Consider:
- Let thankfulness be in your words about God’s provision for your groceries, your home, your clothing…everything you have.
- Point out the beauty of God’s creation when you are outside. Speak Scripture – “The heavens declare the glory of God – Hey kids, how does that sunset tell about God’s glory?”
- Speak about what you learned in your Bible reading and how it applies to what’s going on at that moment.
- Whenever there is a need, stop and pray. Show your child that you’re dependent on God in every situation. – If you see an ambulance or a car accident, why not pray for those involved? If they’re anxious about a test they’re headed into school to take, stop and pray before they get out of the car.
- Be living out the Gospel by sharing it with others when you’re out, when people are in your home and at church. Your children need to see your example of a Christian who is a follower of Christ.
- Read Scripture with your child. I love the idea of reading the psalm of their age every night of that year! Most psalms in the early chapters are very short, so I imagine that both you and your child will have it memorized before the year is out!
Add some Miracle Grow – Make sure your child is regularly in places where they will receive extra doses of the Gospel outside of your home – Sunday school, church services, revival meetings, Youth group, youth activities, and Christian camp. Don’t send your child to church services – go with them. Then send them on their way to the extra outings, praying that the Gospel will be proclaimed and their heart will be tender.

Tending to my plants is messy and daily. My hands end up covered with dirt, and if I neglect their care, you can only imagine the ugly results! The same also applies to the tending of our children’s spiritual needs. It’s a daily discipleship that is often messy and inconvenient, but the results aren’t just for a summer of glory – it’s for eternity, and it’s such a blessing to be a part of that! This is our heart as parents, is it not? ~

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. III John 1:4

God is the One who will bring the fruit. We just need to be faithful to plant and water, then leave the results with Him.

What are you doing today that will point your child more towards Christ?

Tag: parenting