Four Lies You May Be Believing About Your Family

November 6, 2020November 1, 2020 RefreshHer6 Comments

One lovely evening we invited friends to come over after church. We sat around our fire pit watching the flames spit embers upwards and the smoke billow into the night sky. Then to get the group talking, my husband suggested we play a game called, Two Truths and a Lie. Each person has to come up with two truths about themselves that others might not know, and then throw a lie in there somewhere. We were to guess which one was the lie. Do you know what the hardest part of that game is?

It’s not hard to come up with a lie – it’s difficult to come up with two truths to share!!!!

Not only is that true in a game – it’s also true in real life! It’s just easier for us to listen to a lie than for us to listen to (and believe) the truth!

After our game was over, the fire put out, and my week got started, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve encountered someone believing a lie in their life! Could you identify one you might be believing about your family? There are many, but here are four lies I think are running rampant in our homes:

This marriage is a mistake.
Things will never change.
My child will go through the typical phases (like terrible two’s and teen rebellion).
This stage of life is going to last forever!

Let’s counteract those lies with Truth:

This marriage is a mistake. Once you said, “I do,” you marriage became a covenant between you and your spouse and God. No matter the situation and happenings before you got married, God doesn’t want you to ditch this marriage – this covenant after you pledged your life and love! He wants you to stay married and display the Gospel – Forgiveness, mercy, and grace. When we promise to love ’til death, God desires we allow Him to work in our marriage because it IS His will.
So today –Commit yourself to this marriage and stop thinking about what it would be like to be with someone else, or in another circumstance. Pour yourself into this marriage like it was the first day you were married. Make a difference in your husband’s life today!Matthew 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder (separate).
Things will never change. The previous truth about marriage isn’t meant to make you feel hopeless. To say, “Things will never change” is to doubt an omnipotent God! He is able to do MORE than we can ask or think. As long as you are living – there is hope, because God is also alive and on the Throne!
So today – Trust Him to answer and intervene in your life! Keep praying, believing and watching for what an all-powerful God can do!
Luke 1:37 For with God nothing shall be impossible.
My child will go through all the typical phases. Your child was uniquely designed and created. They were born with an old sin nature that will need to be dealt with. A strong-willed child needs a different kind of approach than a child who is withdrawn. But with biblical guidance and prayer, they could completely bypass those “expected” kinds of behavior. Every child has a will and when that will is bent towards Christ and obedience at an early age, they won’t be little angels, but could avoid much heartache they could cause for themselves.
So today – Train your child in God’s Word and ways. Surround them with godly people, biblical discipline and teaching, places and activities that will be the Truth their young heart needs.
II Timothy 3:15 And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.
This stage of life is going to last forever! I know that when you’re changing diapers, chasing toddlers all day, caring for an elderly parent, or dealing with a hard season in your marriage, you think it’s never going to end, but I’m here to tell you there will could be day when you will look back and realize how quickly the time passed!

Think back to something you did two years ago. Perhaps it was a significant birthday, a special vacation or a wedding. Doesn’t that seem like FOREVER ago? Life is fleeting. Children grow up. Changes smooth out eventually. So what do we need to do? Learn to enjoy today. Look for the blessing in the opportunity before you.

When my mother-in-law had lung cancer, I cared for her in Hospice care in our home. During those long days, I was exhausted and felt very overwhelmed and wondered how I could keep going. But in six very short weeks, she was in heaven and I was thankful for each day we got to care for her and spend time with her. I look back on that time and it seems so short! I don’t remember the hard things nearly like I remember the blessings! I remember reading Randy Alcorn’s book, Heaven to my mother-in-law. I remember the night my husband and I got to go to a Bed and breakfast for a night away to rest in the middle of this time, and I remember the blessing of friends who helped by bringing meals, and came and sat with her so I could attend church. Nothing on this earth lasts forever.
So today – In the midst of long work hours that your husband is pulling, leaving you alone, or while you’re waiting for God to bring you a spouse, or while you’re cleaning up chocolate milk from the walls and floors, look up and find something for which you can be thankful! Look for the blessings and keep a mind on the truth that the clock is ticking! Remember, too, that Christ could come at any moment and it will ALL be over, and forever more we’ll be rejoicing!
James 4:14 Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.

Thinking the Truth takes intentional effort. Keep your heart focused on that which is right. As Jesus said, The truth will set you free!

Refresh yourself with truth about your family,

Discipleship · home · Marriage · Motherhood · Parenting · refreshment at home · Refreshment in marriage

Keeping Children On the Peripheral

June 29, 2017June 29, 2017 RefreshHer2 Comments

Many homes today put the children at the center of the home. Everything revolves around them, their wants, and their preferences. Of course when you have a baby in your home, you have no choice but to make them the center. But often we fail to allow them as they grow to move farther away from the center to the peripheral. Let me explain.

In the book, The Disciplines of the Home by Anne Ortlund, Anne makes a statement I had never heard, but totally agree with and have taught in principle:

“In the home, children should be on the peripheral.”

She goes on to say that if children are at the center, when they are removed, there is a huge gap in the husband/wife relationship. Do you think it’s remotely possible not to make your children the center of your home?
How does one go about not putting them in that place when they require so much time, attention and discipline?

Anne didn’t detail this point, but here are my thoughts –

The children shouldn’t dictate what is going to happen in your home. “I don’t want to go to Pizza Hut for supper! I want to eat at McDonald’s” It’s not that they can’t make the choice sometimes, but when Mom and Dad have made a decision, it should stick.
Mom and Dad need their own time. Children sleeping with their parents should be a rare occasion. Bedtimes give Mom and Dad an opportunity to talk, spend time together playing a game, or share a snack.
Parents need a date night. Don’t let the children’s cries keep you from leaving them occasionally. Let them know you’re going away to make a better home for them.
As the mom, recognize your husband’s needs and make sure you’re meeting those before doing extra things with/for your children. Are you always jumping up to do something for them, and don’t spend time just being with him?
Be sure you’re spending your recreational times together as a couple and not making it the norm for one parent to be running here with one child, and the other taking another child there. Be a family.

We all know that children have many needs – especially when they’re little, but the tendency is to keep allowing them to be needy and being the very center of the family’s circle where the parents ought to be.

Take a good look at the circle of your family; who’s in the middle and who’s on the peripheral? Does there need to be a change?

With love,

Christian growth · Christian Life · Discipleship · Family life · Heaven · Motherhood · Parenting

Preparing a Child’s Heart To Know Christ

June 23, 2017June 23, 2017 RefreshHer1 Comment

I’m thrilled that gardening season is here! Each day I enjoy going outside and tending to each potted plant, window box and flowering bed. I pull off dead blooms, fluff the tender foliage so it will hang beautifully over the edge of the pot, and then give a gentle showering of water so it can soak into the roots, adding growth. From time to time I also add Miracle Grow – a plant food that speeds up the growing process and makes sure the plants are healthy. The results are beautiful!!

As we’ve talked all week about a child being saved, every one of the steps above, regarding tending a plant, could be applied to bringing a child to the place where they understand their need for Jesus Christ to be their Savior. We need to harvest the garden of their hearts so it will be their early understanding that they are sinners who are in need.

Making the plant application, let’s look at a few practical ways that parents can help their children get to that point early on in life.

Pull off dead blooms – This involves seeing that something is in their life that shouldn’t be and literally “nipping it in the bud!” =) When they disobey, for instance, we don’t overlook it or redirect their attention to a “better option,” NO! That sin must be dealt with in a biblical manner. Even from the time they’re very young they should understand that obeying isn’t simply making mommy a happier person – obeying mommy means you’re obeying God! Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Galatians 6:1 Teach them that simple verse by saying it each time they disobey you.

“Disobedience is sin. Each time you disobey Mommy, you’re sinning against God. But God loves you. Let’s ask Him to help you obey.”

Using God’s Word as your guide, teach the child that what they’re doing is sin that makes God sad. “You needed a Savior so God sent Jesus to die for your sin!” You don’t have to preach a message, just those simple statements about God’s holiness (you didn’t say it that way, but that’s what you’re teaching) and His love, points them to their need for Jesus when they sin.
Fluff the tender foliage. Encourage any tenderness the child shows towards their sin. Let them cry, but then comfort them and remind them that God loves them and so do you, and God wants to help them NOT sin. Any time they want to move forward in an invitation, or they ask questions in family devotions, encourage that! Listen. Answer their questions. Be supportive!
Give a gentle showering of water to encourage growth. Sprinkle truths about God, His Word and the application of it through everything you do each day. It’s far more meaningful to see a mom live out the Gospel each day and share out of the overflow, than to occasionally get a “lecture” every now and then from an inconsistent life. Consider:
- Let thankfulness be in your words about God’s provision for your groceries, your home, your clothing…everything you have.
- Point out the beauty of God’s creation when you are outside. Speak Scripture – “The heavens declare the glory of God – Hey kids, how does that sunset tell about God’s glory?”
- Speak about what you learned in your Bible reading and how it applies to what’s going on at that moment.
- Whenever there is a need, stop and pray. Show your child that you’re dependent on God in every situation. – If you see an ambulance or a car accident, why not pray for those involved? If they’re anxious about a test they’re headed into school to take, stop and pray before they get out of the car.
- Be living out the Gospel by sharing it with others when you’re out, when people are in your home and at church. Your children need to see your example of a Christian who is a follower of Christ.
- Read Scripture with your child. I love the idea of reading the psalm of their age every night of that year! Most psalms in the early chapters are very short, so I imagine that both you and your child will have it memorized before the year is out!
Add some Miracle Grow – Make sure your child is regularly in places where they will receive extra doses of the Gospel outside of your home – Sunday school, church services, revival meetings, Youth group, youth activities, and Christian camp. Don’t send your child to church services – go with them. Then send them on their way to the extra outings, praying that the Gospel will be proclaimed and their heart will be tender.

Tending to my plants is messy and daily. My hands end up covered with dirt, and if I neglect their care, you can only imagine the ugly results! The same also applies to the tending of our children’s spiritual needs. It’s a daily discipleship that is often messy and inconvenient, but the results aren’t just for a summer of glory – it’s for eternity, and it’s such a blessing to be a part of that! This is our heart as parents, is it not? ~

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. III John 1:4

God is the One who will bring the fruit. We just need to be faithful to plant and water, then leave the results with Him.

What are you doing today that will point your child more towards Christ?

children · Parenting

Is Your Child’s Education Your Idol?

August 6, 2015August 25, 2015 RefreshHer4 Comments

In my recent Bible club with my little students next door, I taught them the second commandment –

You shall not make unto thee any graven image.

In other words – Don’t worship idols! But I needed to establish in their hearts what an idol is. I used this definition that I heard on a radio message –

“An idol is anything I love, trust, serve or fear more than God.”

Now, if you’re a mom with children in school, will you look at the definition above and ask yourself if your child’s education has become an idol to you? We gasp and say, “But education IS important! If my child fails, he’ll never make anything of himself! How will he ever have a career? I HAVE to push him and make sure he gets good grades!” Please hear me – I’m not suggesting that you allow your child to be lazy or flunk out of fifth grade because he’d rather play baseball! But I’d like for us to consider five ways you make your child’s education more than just important, but an idol in your life:

It becomes the first priority in your home. In other words, your church attendance and participation, your schedule and extra-curricular activities all revolve around school. If there’s a test to study for, or homework to do, it comes first. You will skip church to make time for them to work on school. It’s an idol.
You talk to your child more about his grades, homework and lessons more than you talk to him about God and His Word. It’s an idol.
You fear what will happen if he fails or does poorly more than you fear him not doing the will of God for his life. It’s an idol.
You’re devoted to him getting good grades so he can make a good living, rather than him loving God and seeking His will – whatever that may be. It’s an idol.
You talk to others about your child’s achievements in their education more than you talk about their obedience to God’s Word and ways. It’s an idol.

So, how are you doing? Did these questions reveal any truth about an idol in your heart regarding education? You can trust God with your child’s education and with their future! Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you! Matthew 6:33

Lovingly,

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Don’t Zone Out – Tune In!

March 19, 2015March 18, 2015 RefreshHerLeave a comment

I just got back from a trip to town. Things I saw have gotten me to thinking about how we all tend to “zone out.” We’re so busy, so frantic, that when whenever we can, we find our way to check out on life. Here’s how I’ve seen it recently:

People in their cars, talking on their phone while trying to make a left turn onto a very busy road. They’re oblivious to the fact that they’re blocking both turn lanes. Zoned out.
Shoppers push their cart out into the middle of the aisle without ever considering that someone might have to come to an immediate halt to keep from hitting their buggy. It’s okay; they never see anyone else, never acknowledge that someone else is in the store. A believer misses the opportunity to serve others or to speak or encourage with a word or smile.
Parents are caught up in conversation or their phone, or a ballgame and miss seeing what their child is doing or what they may be up to. The child speaks and the parents hears, but isn’t listening.
Christians sit in church “listening” during a service, all the while thinking of a hundred other things during the announcements or message. Afterwards there’s no memory of what was said or of the Lord speaking to their heart. They’re also out of the loop about what’s coming up on the church calendar.
Spouses don’t take time for one another to have an eyeball to eyeball conversation. They give “air kisses” as they part in the morning or return at the end of the day. They miss details of the other’s life because they’re zone out.

Okay, so we’ve all seen it and DONE IT! Right? I certainly have! What’s the remedy? How about following the principle Jim Elliott is quoted in saying,

Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt any situation you believe to be the will of God!

When you’re driving, put the phone down. Be a present driver!

When you’re at the store, keep your head and eyes up. Be a present shopper/witness!

When you’re with your children, listen to them. Inspect what you asked them to do. Have a consistent, watchful eye on them. Be a present parent!

While sitting in the church service, keep your notebook out. Write down the announcements the pertain to you! Write down any questions you may have if you didn’t understand the details. Take notes about what God is saying to you during the message. Be a present church member!

Be intentional about spending time with your spouse when you see one another. Greet him at the door. Mark out ten minutes just to talk with him about his day and things he needs to hear. Be a present wife!

Zoning out involves thinking about one person – ME. Tuning in involves everyone around me. Life is a greater blessing when we stay tuned in to others around us! Let’s tune in to others and zone out to self!

Are there other scenarios in which you find yourself zoning out?