Tag: Marriage

A Conspicuous Marriage
gratitude · Refreshment in marriage

A Conspicuous Marriage

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Conspicuous
[kuh n-spik-yoo-uh s] 

adjective
1. easily seen or noticed; readily visible or observable:
a conspicuous error.
2. attracting special attention, as by outstanding qualities or eccentricities:

In Philippians 1:20, 21 Paul wrote –

For me to live is Christ.   

Paul lived out his love for the Lord in a way that was conspicuous.  It was noticeable.  

I’ve been dwelling on how I might be more conspicuous in my love for my Savior.  Our love for Him connects to everything we do and every relationship that we share.  Is Christ’s love conspicuous in every area of my life?  

Today I’ve been wondering specifically how conspicuous my Christ-like love is displayed to my husband.  If God gave him to me, shouldn’t I be demonstrating Christ’s love in my marriage?  Of course!  But if we’re honest, our husband is often swept up into the dustpan like the crumbs from last night’s dinner.  All neatly  place out of our way, we can now storm proceed to the next thing or person on our list.  

“I fixed him dinner!” we might cry.  Or we may wrongfully assume, “He’s watching football – he doesn’t need me!”  But if we desire to show Christ-like love, we need to be conspicuous about it. Whether or not he knows  you love and respect him, you need to be saying it and demonstrating it in a way that it is also obvious to others that are watching you.  And oh, others are watching – especially if you have children!  They are listening when you think they don’t hear your response to their daddy. They are watching when you think they are absorbed in  play, and they are learning from your example.  That can be a scary thought, or it can be a good reminder – it really all just depends on how conspicuous your love and respect are being demonstrated to that guy you married.  Think back to before you were dating; remember how your heart skipped a beat when you knew he was near…even in the same building?!  Perhaps you tried to be inconspicuous about your feelings at that time, but now you can, no should make it obvious that you’re crazy about him!

Find a way today to make your love for your husband “easily seen and noticed!”  Pick an idea below and let your love and respect “attract some special attention!” 

  • Draw a Love and Respect Tree on a mirror using dry erase markers.  Add leaves (made out of scrapbooking paper) each day with reasons written on them why you respect and love your husband.
  • Write him a Thanksgiving card and send it in the mail telling him why you love him, then send it to his workplace.
  • Buy him his favorite treat ~ just because ~ and present it to him as a small token of your love.
  • Tell him thank you for the little things he does.  Does he lock the doors at night, take out the trash, make your morning coffee, open the car door for you, bring home a pay check, pick up his dirty clothes? Find something and say “thank you” eyeball to eyeball. End it with “I respect you for that!”
  • Be demonstrative of your affection.  Hold his hand or arm, give him a wink from across the table, and for sure, give an affectionate kiss when one of you leaves home!
  • Spoil him.  Give him the first, the biggest, the best of whatever.  In the south we call that “specializing” on him!

  The love of Christ should manifest itself in your marriage in such a way that no one could miss that fact that you two are still in love!     What will you do today to make your love for your husband conspicuous?

In case you didn’t know, I sure love this man!

P.S. Don’t have any expectations about his response.  Just do it because you love Christ.  

Be conspicuously in love,

If you need some help preparing for Thanksgiving, go here for favorite Thanksgiving recipes, and here for what to do ahead of time.

Family life · refreshment at home · Refreshment in marriage · Rest · Sabbatical

Fun, Family and Finishing Strong

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Who doesn’t love a week full of fun and family? That describes our last week of sabbatical so well, but it’s also a reminder of a truth I hope to pass on to you. Stay tuned.

You might think that 30 days of sabbatical would fly by, but the Lord answered my prayer and allowed it to go nice and slow. What a blessing that was! We enjoyed each day to the max and allowed ourselves time to rest, spend time together as a couple, and focus on what the Lord wanted to teach us as we got ready to head back into ministry.

When we got to the last week, we celebrated our 40th anniversary. My husband did a fantastic job planning our celebration and took me to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse.
Oh. My. Goodness.
What a special time it was!

The food was amazing!

The setting was gorgeous!

We got to take our time and enjoy every bite and every minute. We were at the restaurant for about three hours! We cried as we shared memories from our 40 years of marriage during the meal. I told my husband they were going to think we hated our food because of our tears!! It was a truly magical day, full of love for each other, fun times and many blessings!

Ready for our dinner at Ruth’s Chris!

This last week allowed us to enjoy an early July 4th celebration with Paul and Whitney in their adorable small town. It was so patriotic and fun!! There was beautiful music, Uncle Sam on stilts, and parachutists jumping out of airplanes with flags making for a great event!

We went home early in the evening, then later drove to a parking lot nearby to enjoy their fireworks. It was perfect!

We also got to see Paul in his work setting, which was super fun.

The last church we visited was Paul and Whitney’s. What a blessing to worship together and hear the sound preaching of the Word! After the service we went to a lovely little restaurant, The Bleu Porch, in their town and enjoyed a fabulous brunch! My Stuffed French Toast with warm Blueberry Sauce was delicious, but having brunch together as a family was even sweeter!

We spent the last few days at some quiet spots – lakes and mountains vistas – where we could reflect about what the Lord had spoken into our hearts. We did much journaling so as not to forget our lessons and the changes we each needed to make.

This mountain view is more amazing than this picture shows!

Now here we are nearly a whole month later! I’m enjoying the new schedule the Lord guided me to practice. My days and weeks are full, but the Lord is so gracious to allow times of rest just when I need it most!

Even without a sabbatical, we can each find times to rest. Even when dinner is not Ruth’s Chris, but grilled hot dogs, we can find time to be together as a family! Simple events can bring the fun life needs when days are tough. Ladies, we’re often the one who needs to create the fun, so let’s get planning! We need one another!

I’d also encourage you to find regular times to unplug, be still, and listen to the Lord through His Word and in prayer. We are not meant to run on empty without time with the Lord and minimal time in His Word. We need Him!

What do you have planned to refresh your heart? How will you refresh your family?

Unplug and have some fun family time this weekend!

Memories On the Scenic Route
Refreshment in marriage · The Scenic Route

Memories On the Scenic Route

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Why travel the busy interstate, full of traffic, construction zones and high speeds when you can take a gorgeous, slower paced scenic route?

That’s the philosophy my husband and I have taken on! Oh, the gorgeous scenery we have enjoyed on the Scenic Route! Beautiful old barns, kayakers on rushing rivers, rainbows over country churches, and hot air balloons skimming open fields are just a few of the sights we have seen.

Our third week of Sabbatical was not without more scenic routes and beauty! I’ve pictured some of them here in this post.

Travel can really be an illustration of how we approach every day of our married lives! Sadly, I believe too many marriages are daily on the Interstate. Both the husband and wife are each in their own “cars,” driving over the speed limit, hurrying to the next thing on their agenda.

Occasionally they may pass their spouse and give a thumbs up as they keep traveling independently on their journey. Every now and then their lives may merge onto the same road, but not long after, a construction zone interrupts their unity and it’s back to stop-and-go once again.

This is not a fun way to travel, and it’s an even worse way to live out married life!

When you’re on the Interstate, it ‘s necessary to get off at a rest area when you’re weary. Marriages need restful times, too! I’m thankful for the rest our sabbatical allowed us. Not only did it strengthen our ministry, we were also able to pour into our marriage. We did lots of reminiscing – thinking back to the days when the Lord brought us together.

We even had the blessing of spending time in Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg, because, like many young couples, part of our honeymoon was spent there. We were thankful for time to sit, to talk, to dream about the future, and thank the Lord together for the blessings of the past.

Is your marriage on the high-speed Interstate, or have you taken the time to get off and enjoy the scenic route recently?

You don’t need a sabbatical to travel the scenic route! Find a spot where you and your spouse can watch the sun set. Go to the lake with a picnic supper. Drive together down a country road with the windows down and your old love songs playing on your Amazon app. Make some new memories on your own scenic route.

It’s your choice which route to take – both as your travel and as you live out each day of your marriage.

Interstate or Scenic Route. Which are you on today?

Refreshment in marriage

The Marriage Walk

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On June 20th, my husband and I will be celebrating our 40th anniversary! Here’s a post about marriage that doesn’t give false ideals, but realities in its day-to-day struggles.  I hope it will encourage your “marriage walk.”

As my husband and I were taking our daily walk yesterday, I took some pictures and realized that our marriage is a lot like the walk we take each day.

  • Marriage takes discipline – I make a choice to walk each day, and I make a choice to love my husband. As I add a walking routine to stay fit, I must also make investments in my marriage. Spending time together, planning time away, talking to and listening to one another are all important disciplines.
  • Marriage takes hard work. This first street we walk is a steep hill. Some mornings I think it’s steeper than others – it’s hard work! A good marriage takes hard work. Every day you climb past your own desires and meet the needs of your spouse. Every day you push forward instead of staying where you were yesterday. It might be exhausting some days, but it’s worth the effort!

  • Distance can intrude a marriage – Sometimes we jog a bit on our morning “walk” – that’s why he’s way ahead of me in the picture below! Some days in marriage there comes a distancing – an icy shoulder, a curt word, and the separation becomes greater and greater. When we’re out walking, someone has to take the initiative to wait for the other to catch up, or the slower one breaks into a run to be able to be side by side again. This is getting right in marriage; getting back together. It’s the humbling of one or both that makes that happen. “Only by pride comes contention.” Proverbs 13:10

  • God’s plan for marriage is beautiful – Part of our walk is beautiful. This road is full of views that I never tire looking at! It’s what spurs me out of bed and into my walking clothes! I can’t wait to hear the quiet and see the beauty. Remembering what the Lord desires my marriage to be, and the picture I have of that in Scripture makes me press on. I long for my marriage to be all that God intended. It pushes me to the Word and prayer, because I know in myself I cannot be the godly wife God wants me to be. If I want my marriage to be beautiful, I know I need the Lord’s enablement!

  • We must keep eternity in view – Yesterday we ran quite a bit. I got really tired and I was so relieved to see my home come into view! Keeping my eternal home in view will help my marriage too. It will help me to encourage my husband each day and pray that he will be a godly man. It will make me desire to make it easy for him to serve God instead of resisting what he wants to do in our home and family. It will make me remember that rewards are then, not now. It will remind me to be faithful to this ministry of my marriage.
I thank the Lord for a godly husband who loves the Lord and desires to live for him. I am privileged to be his wife. It’s been a great walk!
What part of “The Marriage Walk do you need to focus on?  Ask the Lord for His help, then strap on your shoes and get moving!

With a thankful heart,

Marriage · Refreshment in marriage · Wife's Role

Conversational Respect in Marriage

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A young man who had recently lost his father was asked by a friend,

“What were your father’s last words before he died?“

“My father didn’t have any last words,” the son replied. “Mother was with him right up ’til the end!”

We laugh at a cute little story like that, but the sad truth is, that scenario is lived out in many, many marriages.

I remember once when we were on vacation, a woman and her husband were seated near me as I read at the poolside.  The husband’s phone rang, and based on his (loud) conversation, he was talking to one of their adult children.  The entire time this man was on the phone, his wife was telling him something he needed to say to their child.  It was almost hilarious.  The poor guy could hardly express his own thoughts into words because his wife was feeding him lines the whole time he was on the phone.  I’m guilty of doing that on a bit of a smaller scale, but it’s still wrong.

Why is it wrong to talk over our husband, or talk for him?  I believe it’s the respect issue that comes into play.

“

How is respect shown when we remind him what to say, correct what he just said, or talk for him when he’s being talked to? The truth is, we are showing disrespect instead!

Respect is seen when we:

  • Give our husband a place of honor.  In conversation, that place is to be still while he’s talking.  We shouldn’t correct, interrupt, or answer for him.  He is not our son – he is our husband.
  • Wait for him to answer – even if it seems like he’s NEVER going to come up with what he’s wanting to say.  Many times he doesn’t speak because we are impatient and jump in too quickly.  I’ve watched a man literally forming the words and begin to answer, but never be able to say his thoughts because the wife couldn’t wait that long!
  • Wait for him to finish talking with the other person before we share our thoughts or question.  If he’s talking to someone else, we wait, then perhaps motion that we would like to add a thought or question, then wait for him to let us know when he’s able to listen.
  • Think long and hard about the need to correct him – even later.  Unless it’s a serious faux pas that he needs to go back and make right, does it really matter that he said it was three years ago when he built the barn out back, but you know it was four years ago?!  Ask if it’s something you can just let go of, and if it is, then do it!
  • Learn to listen.  Be quiet and listen.  Nod.  Smile.  If he’s telling his infamous joke again,  let him have his moment of glory and don’t spoil it by exclaiming your disgust or disapproval.

Many husbands that don’t talk in marriage learned not to bother after years of disrespect from their wife.  Show your husband honor in conversation and let him have the last words!