Category: Marriage

Family life · home · Marriage

Monday Marriage Matters November Recap

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Another month of Marriage pictures and posts are now behind us.  This is my weekly attempt to intentionally pour into my marriage, because my marriage matters to God, and it must matter to me, too.

I’ll describe the pictures from left to right.

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  1.  It is essential for every couple in every stage of their marriage to take time to take inventory of their relationship. We attended a couple’s conference last week to do just that even though we were busy and maybe didn’t really have the time to do it. We needed it and it was a blessing!
  2. Dale captured this picture when we were home visiting my parents for Thanksgiving. After 62 years of marriage, they are still tender and affectionate with one another. I see my husband watching. and observing their relationship and emulating what he sees. I am thankful for the example and the challenge to make our marriage even better in the second half.
  3.  I’ve heard people say that a happy marriage is made up of two forgivers. Humbling myself to say, “I’m sorry for being selfish” is a difficult position, but a necessary one. I’m Thankful for a forgiving God and a gracious husband. My marriage is more important than my pride.
  4. This picture just makes me laugh!! When people see how crazy this guy is, they assume that our lives are constantly filled with nothing but laughter and knee-slapping moments. That’s very far from the truth, of course, and life is filled with all the trials and struggles that everyone else faces. But I am thankful that there are times of laughter that make the hard times easier to face and that we get to share those moments together.
  5. Holding hands and praying is one of the BIG reasons we have a happy marriage. We both know how desperate we are for the Lord’s help. We cannot be what we ought to be unless we cry out for God’s intervention. I’m so thankful for a husband who takes me to the Throne of Grace over and over again!

Even if you’re not posting pictures of what you do to pour into your marriage, I trust that you’re making  intentional efforts to make your marriage better every day.  If you put it on auto pilot, you will end up in a place you don’t ever want to be!

What have you done today to show your mate that your marriage matters?

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Christian Life · Marriage · Refreshment in marriage

Marriage Matters Recap

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It’s time for a recap of #MondayMarriageMatters.  I’ve encouraged women to post on Instagram a picture each Monday of something that shows them putting thought and effort into their marriage, and that Marriage really does Matter!  I love seeing what each lady posts!  There are now about 175 posts!  Go to Instagram and search #Mondaymarriagematters and you’ll be able to see all the fun photos and explanations.

This month of October had some fun dates and some special times to share as a couple.  Here’s how I sought, with God’s help, to build my marriage.

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If I understand that my marriage matters, and my marriage matters to God, I will daily be seeking out how I can obey my role as a wife.  I read this verse today and was reminded that I am doing one of two things:  I’m either building up my home, or I am tearing it down.  These are my “Pink verses” that I remind myself of over and over.
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Being married to a pastor often means I wait and wait and wait.  I wait after services for him to meet with an individual who is hurting.  I wait during his ministry meetings.  And I wait while he listens to complaints and criticisms, and I pray. Then we ride home and I listen, encourage, and remind him (and myself) of Truth.  He has told me many times that he can take anything as long as he knows I’m behind him.  Sometimes I’m sure that’s the best gift I can give him.  
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Marriage usually attracts opposites.  That is certainly true of us.  Instead of trying to make him be like me, I’ve learned to let him be the man (or pirate!) God made him to be and be thankful for our differences.  He’s outgoing, a strong leader, the entertainer of the crowd, and I’m none of those.  God put us together for a reason.  He is my completer and I’m so thankful!
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He baked cookies.  I pulled out an OLD game.  Family Game Night followed.  It’s nights like these that allow us to laugh, act like we did when we were young, and forget the pressures of the day.  We NEED it.  Our marriage needs it.  We love it!

If you’re on Instagram, you can follow me at denisec_refreshher so you won’t miss any Monday marriage posts.

What have you done recently to show that YOUR marriage matters?

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Husband · Marriage

Keeping Your Marriage From Being a Statistic

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Connecting with friends from long ago happens frequently, thanks to Facebook.  Sometimes the re-connection brings pieces of good news – of family blessings or a life making a difference for Christ.

Recently someone very dear to us reached out to my husband.  The messages went back and forth filling in the empty pieces of all the years that have spanned our last visit.  It was with great sadness that we learned of their recent divorce after more than 30 years.  It was like a low blow – we didn’t see it coming and it hurt!  We hurt for all the pain it has brought.  We hurt for the child involved in the separation.  We hurt for the picture of oneness that has been broken. We hurt for the tears and sleepless nights that this family has endured.

We also hurt for marriages in general.  Why?  Because marriage is under attack.  Satan loves to get a foothold in the hearts and lives of one or both partners.  He hates marriage because it is one of God’s plans that pictures the Gospel – oneness, forgiveness and grace.  Here are some of his tactics he may throw at a married couple:

  1. A rift that makes the relationship become distant.
  2. Then there seems to the couple they have nothing in common anymore.
  3. They begin to live as roommates, or maybe even two strangers in same house.
  4. It progresses to then seeing the spouse as an enemy, out to hurt and destroy.
  5. The “logical” option is to end the marriage.

I’ve posted here about my recent Instagram pictures on Mondays, entitled, “Marriage Matters.”  I’ve challenged myself to post a picture of something each Monday that shows  an effort to enhance my marriage because Marriage Matters!  I’ve invited you to join me, and several have! Thank you!

I personally need the weekly reminder that unless we are proactive in keeping the fires in our marriages burning significantly, rather than just a little smoldering puff of smoke ready to go out, we are allowing our marriage to become another statistic. Worse than that, the testimony of Christ will have gotten another blot.

What can you do today to keep your marriage from being another statistic?

  1. Pray for your marriage.
    1. Ask God to give you a heart for your husband.
    2. Ask God to give your husband a love for you.
    3. Ask God to protect your home against all evil.
    4. Ask the Lord for wisdom about what you could do today to show that your marriage matters.  There are some days that I feel like I’m at a total loss about how I could serve my husband or do something loving for him – my mind is just blank!  That’s when I pray and ask the Lord what I could do.  He made that guy!  He knows his needs and He will reveal to me what I can do for him today!
  2. Stop and plan something you and your husband could do together as a date within this next week.  Make the plans, then tell him you have something fun scheduled just for the two of you!  Here are some lists  or ideas I found.  Some might be silly, but don’t be a stick in the mud!  Keep looking until you find an idea suitable for you both.
  3. Be the most pleasant person your husband has seen or talked to all day.
    1. Look at him when he talks.
    2. Speak sweetly.
    3. Don’t be his mom, be his wife! That means don’t criticize or belittle him.
    4. Smile at him.
    5. Smile with your voice when you speak on the phone.
    6. Dress for him.  Look sharp for him and wear what he likes to see you wear.
  4. Provide for his needs – physically, spiritually, and practically.
    1. Don’t let him leave home “thirsty.”
    2. Make home his haven.
    3. Provide good meals that will make him anticipate suppertime!

I realize that not every marriage will be “fixed” by these simple four additives, but if your marriage is just stale and lacking, these simple ideas can revitalize your relationship and add the spark to get it back on track!

Keep your marriage refreshed,

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Marriage

Calming a Marital Storm

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Back to back.  That’s how most couples sleep who have had a disagreement.  Don’t you hate it when the devil slides in a blow that causes discord between you and your spouse?  It happens at my house, too, because there are two sinners living together that fight their flesh and the devil every day.

I hate to bring this up, but did you read my recent post about my not-so-sweet words that I spoke to my husband?  Immediately after that happened, I apologized because I saw in his eyes the pain it brought to  his heart.  I knew I was wrong.  He acknowledged my apology, but things didn’t seem right.  We were sitting in a restaurant at a small table.  It was at that moment that the Lord brought to my mind something we had read in our couples’ devotional recently.  It suggested that when you’re having any kind of disagreement, one spouse should reach out and initiate you holding hands – both hands.

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So, I reached across the table with outstretched palms as an invitation to hold his hands.  We clasped our fingers together, looking eye to eye.  It did something.  It brought us back together as one.  It calmed the storm.  It unified us once again.

God had prepared me for that moment, and it changed the situation.  I later made sure that I apologized for being disrespectful to him and I also asked my Heavenly Father’s forgiveness.  Things were right, but it really started with one literally reaching out to the other.

The next time there’s an issue between you and your mate, I’d encourage you to initiate holding both his hands in yours and looking him straight into the eye with a loving heart.  Someone has to be the first to reach out.  Why don’t you make it YOU?

Refresh your marriage,

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cat · Home decor · Marriage

Friday Favorites

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The first week of September has been a good start to the month!  These are some of my favorite things that happened this week.  (From top to bottom, left to right)

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  1.  My flower boxes were looking a little weary, so I refreshed them with mums, rosemary and Asters.  This is the first time I’ve added rosemary, but I’m hoping since it’s so hardy it will do well all winter!
  2. If you follow me on Instagram (denisec_refreshHer), you saw this picture on my #Mondaymarriagematters.  I drew this little picture on the bathroom mirror the night before my husband jumped back into preaching after sabbatical.  I wanted to remind him I was praying for him and behind him!
  3. Sunday morning our dear Rod Carter, 90 years old, was so happy to see his pastor at the door.  We missed every member while we were gone, and Sunday was quite the reunion!
  4. My husband ran in a 10K on Saturday!  I’m so proud of him for staying fit and active!  I am NOT  runner, so I went to stand on the sidelines and cheer him on!
  5. This sunrise was September first.  What a glorious reminder that my God is in control and will give grace and glory for each day ahead!
  6. The mornings have been so cool and refreshing that one morning I sat in a rocker on the front porch and had my Bible reading.  It was so beautiful, quiet and refreshing in every way!
  7. My kitty Liza does so many funny things.  She is not one to jump on the counters, or furniture, so the morning I found her like this was quite hilarious.  I had used the tub to fill my water pitcher to water the flower boxes and she jumped in to get a drink of the droplets that were still in the tub!  How would you caption this picture?

Then to end the week we have our really special ladies’ event at our church!  If you’re in the area, I invite you to join us for our Ladies’ Event. Our Theme is, “When God Writes Your Story.”

Carol Trahan is our guest speaker tonight and tomorrow morning.  Carol is a Word-filled speaker whose story is not what she would have chosen, but she has allowed the Lord to take the tragedies that have touched her life to refine and mold her into the image of Christ.  She is a Word-filled speaker who exalts her Savior with her testimony of His goodness in her times of brokenness.

Friday night begins with a fashion workshop, some fun skits, then a time in God’s Word with Carol. Then we go home and sleep in our own comfy bed and return the next morning.  Saturday will be filled with helpful workshops you can choose from, and two more sessions with Carol.  Breakfast starts at 9:00 and the day moves on from there. I pray you’ll come and bring a friend!

Praying you have a great weekend of spiritual encouragement!

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