I’ll never forget one of the first big disagreements my husband and I had shortly into our marriage. I truly don’t even remember what the issue was over, but I do remember that my heart was crushed. I was sure we were in a desperate state. It seemed like we were miles apart. Icy words had been spoken. A wall had been erected and I wondered if Continue reading “When Your Marriage Hits “Hopeless Highway””→
Back in October, I introduced you to a blog idea that I want to share from time to time – it was called, Follow Us On the Scenic Route. I am married to a man who likes to have adventures. He enjoys scouring out new back roads, new restaurants, quaint areas of town in which to drive and activities that we would enjoy sharing together. The holidays kept us pretty close to home, but now that the new year is upon us, we took the time for a date recently to a place not too far from home. Come along and I’ll show you where we went!
We live in the Tri-cities area of Tennessee – meaning we’re in the Bristol, Kingsport, Johnson City area. All three cities are really ramping up their towns and there is more and more to enjoy in each place!
Last Thursday morning I was headed out the driveway when my husband motioned for me to roll down my car window. He said,
Be ready at 4:30 this afternoon. We’re going to dinner and a movie.
I love it when he tells me ahead of time that he has made plans for us! I can anticipate and look forward to that date and it makes any difficult day easier to bear with that in my view!
At 4:30 we loaded up and headed towards Bristol via I-81. I had no idea where we were going for dinner, but when we pulled up to to 620 State Restaurant, I was sure it was a good choice! Before going into the restaurant, we were lured into an adorable shop on the left. It was full of handmade items, very reasonably priced. We had a fun time browsing before we ventured over to 620.
Once we were seated and began looking at the menu, we learned that this place is known for their sushi. My husband ordered a small plate of salmon/cream cheese sushi for us to enjoy before our dinner. It was very good!!
Sometimes just doing something fun like learning how to use chopsticks can make a date night memorable! I was impressed by Dale’s skills!
We tried to just chat about casual things and not talk about serious matters. We needed this time together to get refreshed maritally, physically and emotionally. What a blessing our time together was! Going to a new place for dinner is such fun – you get stretched out of your normal routine and get to try new menu items and surroundings!
For dinner we ordered Shrimp and Grits. We always share an entree’ when we go out and I’m sure glad we split this meal! It was absolutely delicious – maybe the best shrimp and grits I’ve ever had! There was plenty to share!
We left with full stomachs and an absolute intention to return!
Bristol has lots of history with it being known as the Birthplace of Country Music. You’ll see lots of interesting memorabilia along the streets. The nighttime view was so pretty!
Following dinner we headed to the theater to see Mary Poppins.
I’m a HUGE fan of all things Mary Poppins…(remember this from this past October?)
so I was super-excited to finally get to see this new movie!
Who else is always sad to see Mary flying away? Her mission is accomplished and she must go. **Sigh** It was a sweet movie and I was smitten with it!
More than that,though, I was smitten with a sweet husband would make the plans for a Scenic Route local adventure that could refresh our marriage and our hearts and give us another memory of roads traveled together!
If you’re in this area, you need to visit 620, and if you haven’t seen the new Mary Poppins, make plans to see it! Oh, and take a kleenex with you…just saying!
What adventures and scenic routes have you taken recently?
I’m totally not a believer in the Positive thinking mentality of “Just think beautiful thoughts and beautiful things will happen to you.” Living in a fallen, sinful world means we will deal with fallen people and sinful situations – no matter how positively we think!
However, there is an area of marriage in which positive thinking will indeed bring about change.
Thinking on positive attributes about your spouse can change your heart about them, which then has the potential to improve your marriage!
When we rehearse the negative characteristics about our mate all day long, in our own mind and in the ears of others, we are only magnifying those issues. If a wife stews for hours about how she disdains that her husband dresses sloppily, when she sees him at the end of the day in his comfy clothes, those mental magnifiers will jump to attention! It won’t be easier to deal with – it will be more difficult because she’ll feel justified as she finger points in his “messy” direction.
Think how much sweeter it would be to think of ONE POSITIVE THING for which we could thank the Lord all day long. Perhaps it would be ~
his work ethic
his provision for your family
his attention to detail
his love for God
his calm nature
Write it down.
Thank the Lord for that in your prayer time.
Write him a note telling him that you’re thankful for that area of his life.
Tell others both when he is present and when he is absent.
When we make a habit of rehearsing negative issues we’ll only feel overwhelmed and in despair. But when we trade those thoughts for the positive traits in our spouse, we can’t help but grow to love him more.
Let me set the example – I have a husband who is a romantic at heart. He is so great about doing the things to touch my heart. He brings flowers. He remembers our engagement anniversary. He is loves to surprise me with gestures like bringing me breakfast while I’m having my quiet time. He is such a special blessing in my life!
What one thing could you say today about your spouse? Why not start by sharing it in the comments?
Aren’t the old classic Christmas movies special to watch? A favorite of mine is It’s a Wonderful Life. This sweet story reminds me of what every wife should be doing for her husband – showing unconditional love and support. If you’ve seen the movie, let me remind you of a couple times when the wife, Mary, displays that…
After George and Mary get married, they are on their way to their honeymoon when there is a run on the bank money. George spends the rest of the day caring for his customers, half forgetting that he has a new bride. Though they have no money for an extravagant honeymoon, he finds that Mary has taken an old run-down house that she’s dreamed about living in and prepared a beautiful dinner in it for him. She hung up posters of exotic places they’d dreamed of visiting and created the best atmosphere possible for their wedding night using her limited resources and her love.
The last clip of the film shows George returning to his home and family. He quickly learns that Mary that has informed their friends and family that he was in trouble. She organized their support in the form of financial help and their presence. People come pouring into the house with money for them. George is overwhelmed at their kindness. All through this last scene, there is Mary, smiling, supporting her husband, loving him – no matter what. Through good times and bad, she gave herself to be the best wife to him that she could be, both behind the scenes and in his presence. She never belittles him; never criticizes.
No marriage is without hard times. It comes in all different forms over the years, and there must be a resolve to support our husband. We must be willing to sacrifice, lend our help, and continue to love him through the toughest of situations.
What hard thing is your husband going through right now? How can you show your support of him?
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
If a husband has a wife who will stand with him and love him through the hard times. I believe he’ll know how blessed he is…and it will be a wonderful marriage (life).
Refresh your husband with your unconditional support.
Recently at a marriage conference my husband and I were privileged to do, he preached a message that had some really great points that are just too good not to share! If your marriage is struggling (and we all struggle at one point or another!) these are great truths to tuck away and preach to yourself! Ready? There are seven of them…
My past doesn’t define or confine me. Are you guilty-ridden? Have you messed up as a wife along the way and regretted your behavior, or attitude? Those things don’t define you – nor do they keep you from changing!! Old things are passed away and all things are become new! II Cor. 5:17
We can live free from sin, guilt and condemnation.Remember point #1 when you might have thought about something hard? There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1
Nothing done against me compares to my sin against God. When we feel we’ve been done “dirty” by our spouse, this truth is so crucial to remember!Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed. I Peter 2:24
I’m not dependent on my spouse for what I am or need.A husband can do lots of things, but Christ is ALL I need.Psalm 62:5 Oh my soul, wait though only upon God, for my expectation is from Him.
I can obey all God has called me to do regardless of any situation. Submitting is hard. Asking forgiveness is difficult, but…It is God who works in us, both to will and do of His good pleasure. Phil. 2:13
I can endure any suffering or hardship with the assurance that God is working all to my greatest good. God can take even ugly situations and turn them into blessings!Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
God is always with me and always at work in my marriage, even when progress is imperceptible.Though I may feel alone, I am not.Isaiah 65:24 Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.
After I got these truths home, I asked myself, “Where does the Bible tell me that?” then I found a verse that is the backbone of each of those truths. I would encourage you to do the same thing. Find Scripture verses that will remind you of God’s forgiveness, presence, work, plan and help for your marriage. Write it in your prayer journal and thank God for the fact that He cares more for your marriage than you even do!! God wants your marriage to succeed and bring glory to Him! You have His Word on it!!
Like any relationship, marriage can get into a rut. It sounds the same as when you hit those rumble strips on the interstate. It’s irritating, and it makes you move over, but often it’s not long before you hear that roar again. Why? Because you’re kind of daydreaming your way through your marriage.
It’s easy to “fall asleep at the wheel” and not make the efforts in your relationship that you used to make when things were new and fresh. But I have good news for you today! If you’re still breathing and your husband also has breath, things can change TODAY! Let me make three simple suggestions – all that are doable today and cost nothing except your intentionality!
SMILE DAILY (use your lips and your eyes to smile!)
When he walks in the door. Smile.
While you’re listening to him. Smile.
When you’re telling him about your day. Smile.
When you see him across the room. Smile.
It’s easier to be too busy to even look up at one another. It’s easier to furrow our brows and scowl. SMILE instead. A merry heart doeth good like a medicine. Proverbs 17:22
MAKE MORE DEPOSITS INTO YOUR MARRIAGE THAN WITHDRAWALS EACH DAY Deposit a compliment instead of criticism. Instead of fussing about the negative thing you’re thinking about, give a compliment of something in which he made you proud.
Deposit help instead of looking to receive help. I believe husbands should help their wife, but what would happen if we volunteered to run an errand, lift a load, or do a chore for him? Would we look like Christ in our sacrifice? Deposit affection instead of pulling away physically and emotionally. Put away that cold shoulder, little peck, or icy back. Pull the wall down with the warmth of your affection. Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.
PRAY FOR YOUR HUSBAND FOR AT LEAST FIVE MINUTES EVERY DAY. Pray about the things that irritate you.
Pray about the weaknesses in your relationship.
Pray for his burdens, pressures and obligations.
Pray for your hearts to be knit together stronger than ever. Luke 18:1 – Men (women) aught always to pray and not to faint.
Dear wife, I’m convinced that if we would practice these three initiatives DAILY we would have happy husbands, which would equal happy wives, and that boils down to a happy marriage! Try it and tell me about your results!