Talking To Your Spouse with Grace

September 14, 2017September 13, 2017 RefreshHerLeave a comment

couple a The phone rang and she answered it. The change in her tone was blatantly obvious to everyone in the room. This wife went from bubbly/friendly to irritated/annoyed. “Who was on the other end of the phone?” we wondered. Then she said his name and we learned that it was her husband.

This scenario happened in the public setting of a business. My heart sank when I realized that when this lady heard her husband’s voice, instead of being glad to hear from him, she was irritated. His call interrupted her. His questions annoyed her. And his needs overwhelmed her. She was only too happy to hang up and move on with the people around her and the business at hand.

But I cannot point a finger at her because the rest of my hand is pointing back at me. It’s easy to get a call from Dale and answer casually instead of enthusiastically. Do you ever get caught up in the day-to-day routine as I do and forget the special bond you share with your spouse? Consider the difference between answering the phone with,

“Yeah, whatcha’ need?”

Hi Sweetheart! I’m glad to hear from you!

What about when he asks you a question and you answer him for the second or third time? Does each answer get louder and more aggravated? Remember how you loved his name when you were dating? Do you say it with as much tenderness now?

Last week my brother-in-law was working his job inspecting roofs, as he has done for many years now. The early morning dew was still on the back half of the house, making the surface slippery. His work would be quick and he planned to climb down in just a minute, but just as that thought was flying through his mind, his foot slipped and he could feel himself falling. He grabbed the gutter of the house, helping to break his fall, but only a little. He was taken by ambulance to the Medical Center in the area where he was treated in the Emergency Room for his many broken bones. Praise the Lord for sparing his life!

As my sister and I walked the hospital halls together, we discussed the abruptness of any calamity. No one plans for it. No one puts, “Visit husband in trauma unit” in their planner, but life as we know it can be changed in a moment. We all know that, but we move on each day as though we are ignorant of that truth, and we blurt out unkind phrases and words like an umpire at a ballgame.

Remember the woman I mentioned at the beginning of this post? The one who changed her disposition when her husband called? Sadly, I learned the news of her husband’s death and I wondered if she ever wished she could talk to him again, with a completely different frame of mind? Did she ever wish he would interrupt her busy day by calling her?

If you knew that this was your last day with our spouse, would you use a different tone when we answered his call? Would you use kinder words when responding to his questions? Would your repeated answer be more patient? Even if we knew we had 50 more years together, wouldn’t we want our relationship to epitomize tenderness, kindness and sacrificial love? These are all words of grace – what we receive from the Lord every day. It’s what might not be deserved, but we give it, because that is how we are loved and spoken to by our Savior.

I know I need to make some changes in order to fill my husband’s ears with words of grace. How about you? Excuse me while I answer my phone…

Hi Sweetheart! I’m glad to hear from you!

If we asked others what they hear when we speak to our spouse, what would they say? What would our husband say? It’s all about grace.

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Encouragement · Life · trials

The One Thing You Can Change

September 13, 2017September 12, 2017 RefreshHer6 Comments

If you could change one thing about your life right now what would it be? If you could change that, do you think it would really alter your life? Would it make everything better? Maybe. Maybe not.

Recently I was out and I saw a quote hung on the wall of the establishment. The truth of it struck a chord in my heart. I know it will encourage someone today as it did me then and as it does every time I remind myself of its message. There is only one thing that we’re all really in charge of and able to change. What is it? Read on:

Now think back to that thing you would change if you could. What about if you simply changed your attitude about that instead? That alone could make the difference you’re really desiring.

Today try to be intentional about what kind of attitude you have, and ask the Lord to show you if you need to make a change. Only you are in charge of that!

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birthday · Christian growth · Christian Life · Family life · joy · Life · Uncategorized

Birthday Reflections

September 12, 2017September 11, 2017 RefreshHer6 Comments

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Birthdays ~ we have one every year, and mine just happened to be yesterday. To be honest, there are days when I sigh at getting older, but I’m finding that the way to beat the blues is to enter each year (and each day) with a thankful heart.

As I sat and reflected on my birthday, I came up with this list of SOME of the blessings that have fallen to me in this last year.

The blessing of getting to share God’s Word and speak to women. This last year I spoke again at a Pastor’s wives retreat not long after my birthday. You typically don’t get asked to speak when you’re still “green” in ministry. But when you’ve weathered the storms and can still smile and love God with all your heart, you have validity in your message. I also had the blessing of flying to Michigan and doing a ladies’ retreat at a great church. That was so wonderful. The ladies encouraged my heart. The time up north was beautiful as we looked out the windows at the drifted snow. I am so amazed at the blessings and joys God gives me in allowing me to serve Him!
Thanksgiving with my parents. I am so blessed to be four hours from my parents and be able to spend time with them. Family grows dearer with every day. I realize more and more how precious a gift it is to be with them, to glean from them and show love to them. This year was the first time it was just my husband and me with my mom and dad. We put their Christmas tree up after dinner, watched Christmas movies with hot bowls of popcorn in our laps, and took drives in the country. It sounds like its own kind of Hallmark movie, doesn’t it? It was.
Days of retreat at a lake cabin. To have dear friends who allow us time at their cabin that we might refresh ourselves is a blessing I cannot even describe. We didn’t need as many days to rest up when we were younger, but to have a day away gives us new vigor for the ministry and refreshes our weary bodies!
Christmas with our grown children. If you think Christmas with your little kids was fun, wait until they’re all grown and you see their faces with their spouses sitting around your dining room table. My heart was as full as my dining room table as we ate, laughed, reminisced, played games, opened the Scriptures, prayed and shared gifts. Wow. How sweet.
Enjoying a second trip to Israel. This would never have happened in my younger days! First, there was no desire to go. But also, the demands of parenting wouldn’t have allowed it, nor would our bank account! But God graciously provided in every way, and this second trip was even better than the first!
Special times away with my husband. As in the prior blessing, our times away years ago were few and far between. We enjoyed dates near home, and that was great! But now we can go away for a night or an afternoon and not worry about homeschool, or schedules of children at home. We went to DreamMore resort in Pigeon Forge for Valentine’s Day and had so much fun! We’ve enjoyed Pigeon Forge Wyndham Resort a couple of times, as well. Afternoons at Biltmore are a favorite for both of us as we stroll the gardens, forgetting pressures and concentrating on communication and time together. We realize that every day we have together is a gift from God.
Becoming a (foster) Grandparent. Though the twin boys my daughter and son-in-law are caring for are not our flesh, they were born in our hearts! They’ve completely taken over every chamber and we are blessed to be a part of their lives and smother them with love!! I had no idea how full this time in my life would be! Wow, just wow.
Ministering to children, both at home and church. My weekly Bible club with my neighbor children is such a joy to me. What a gift to get to pour God’s Word into their hearts and minds. Pioneer Club at church has been another way to get to serve God and minister to first and second graders!
Our first family vacation. I shared about that here on my blog, but I can’t leave that out of my blessings! It was so much fun!

This doesn’t include the times I’ve spent in God’s Word, hearing from Him, and talking to Him in prayer. I’ve left out all the sweet hours of fellowship with friends and family, in our home, in theirs, at church, in restaurants and other meeting up sites. Even on my birthday yesterday, we had “fellowship” in the hospital where my poor brother-in-law is recovering from surgery due to fall from a roof and subsequent severe injuries. We gathered in the waiting area and prayed, read Scripture and waited together. Those are not the planned kind of gatherings, but they do become sweet blessings because they add to the depth of my life as I reflect on the joy of having a family who can hold hands and run to God’s Throne together. Years ago I may have regretted spending my birthday at the hospital, but not this year. It’s a reminder that every day’s outcome is how you view it. This was all orchestrated by God’s hands, allowing us to have planned a trip home at this particular time. Only God knew why we needed to be here.

My birthday was filled with blessings and my heart is full. One last blessing is the growth of my blog. Thank you to each of you who read my posts regularly. Thank you to those who have followed me recently. Thanks to those of you who comment and encourage me. I am amazed that others read what I’ve written, but I’m so very grateful! I trust that as the year progresses, God will grant wisdom and help to make this worth reading each day.

What blessings would you recount on your birthday? If you haven’t, start making a list in a journal today!

Another year older, but even more blessed,

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baking · Bread · Fall · Gifts

Hello Pumpkin!

September 11, 2017September 11, 2017 RefreshHer6 Comments

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When we recently experienced a very cool morning, all I could think about was baking! I dug into my trusty recipe box and found a tried and true Southern Living recipe for Pumpkin Bread, just a plain, straightforward recipe with nothing extra added, which meant I had all the ingredients! It makes 3 loaves, too! Since I intended to share 90% of the results, that was an added blessing! I baked them up in small pans, yielding 6 delicious loaves. They’re a perfect size wrapping up to give to friends! Even if you make them in the regular size pans, you’ll have one to keep, one to freeze, and one to give away!

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If you’re in a baking mood as I have been, and are hungry for something simply pumpkin, you’ll love this recipe!

Pumpkin Bread

Ingredients

3 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
3 cups sugar
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 cup vegetable oil
2/3 cup water
4 large eggs
1 (15-ounce) can pumpkin

How to Make It

Step 1

Stir together flour and remaining ingredients in a large bowl until smooth. Divide batter evenly among 3 greased and floured 9- x 5-inch loaf pans.

Step 2

Bake at 350° for 50 minutes to 1 hour or until wooden pick inserted into center of each loaf comes out clean. Cool in pans on wire rack 10 minutes. Remove from pans, and cool completely on wire rack.

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It couldn’t be any easier! Whip up a loaf, perk some coffee, and invite a friend over for some sweet Pumpkin fellowship!

With love from my country kitchen,

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Books · Discipleship · Encouragement · Family life · Marriage · mentoring ministry · Parenting · Refreshment in marriage · Wife's Role · womanhood

Books On My Tables

September 8, 2017September 8, 2017 RefreshHer4 Comments

A wonderful book is a treasure. I love to read, and I’m always on the search for a new author or title to check out. While there have been years when I was busy with homeschool that I didn’t get to read as much as I wanted, I pretty much always have a “book going.”

It only seems fair to share my treasures with you! So today I’m sharing three books that are sitting on my coffee tables that I’m currently reading and LOVING! They’re different enough that I can read all three at the same time.

Adorned – This is one of those books that every woman needs to read – and then reread at least every other year. Titus 2 is the backdrop for all the teaching and instruction found here. It’s practical, convicting, helpful and challenging. She addresses both the older and younger women and ends each chapter with a list of questions for each. My copy is covered in yellow highlights to help me remember these essential truths for my life as a woman who loves and desires to live for God.

For my girls’ birthdays this year, I gave them each two copies – one for themselves, and one to give to an older woman they could ask to go through it with them. This book is best when shared with at least one friend. Do your spiritual life and your female side a favor and read this!

The Most Important Place on Earth – This book about the home was written by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth’s husband years before they were ever married. His first wife died of cancer, and he and Nancy married nearly two years ago. Robert is an excellent, compelling writer. I have laughed out loud as he shared many tales from his own home life. He wisely shares the ingredients needed to make our homes the most important place on the earth.

I got my copy from Amazon for less than a dollar. There are updated versions that have a cover that’s current to today, but the message is one that will be relevant for all time. I highly recommend this book, and am thankful that my sis recommended it to me! Thanks, Dianne!

The Cave, The Cabin and The Tattoo Man – This book also came from my sister, who has met the author, Tim Callahan, from Kentucky. To read the title you might be surprised that I’m reading it, but the story is precious. It’s a fiction book based on the author’s growing up years, which happen to be the same era in which I grew up. Hence, the illustrations and pictures he paints take me back to my own childhood days.

This is the story of a little boy who stays with his grandparents during the summer months. He helps them with the little grocery store they owned. He fishes in their pond so well that he is the envy of all the grown men, and he gets himself into precarious situations during his free hours.

When I need a book to just take me away on a little vacation, this is the one I’m reading…for the second time. This is a series, too, which is fun. I love knowing there is one to follow!

I hope you’ll check into reading at least one of these suggestions. They’re all worthy of your time, and in my opinion, much better value than anything television has to offer! Autumn is nearly upon us, and aren’t fall and winter the best times to snuggle in somewhere comfy with a cup of coffee and read a compelling book?!

Do you have a treasured book you’re reading? Please share in the comments! I’ll need some new titles soon!